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I started dating a guy and noticed he doesn’t initiate making plans with me, however, whenever I do ask if he wants to get together he will always plan the date and go out of his way to do nice and proper things. I’ve never paid for a single thing and he always offers to pick me up. Sometimes he’ll text and say he misses me. We’re still in the early stage vetting process. Maybe this is nothing to worry about? There’s always someone leading the path. I am the bolder personality of the two and have already established myself as the initiator. I’ve considered testing to see how long it would be to have him actually ask, but I don’t really enjoy playing games like that or holding back what I want. Maybe the proper thing to do would be to communicate this next time we meet up? Anyway, here to see what the girls think.
Edit: he was the first to ask me out when we met and he did initiate a follow up date in person once.
If a guy never initiated dates, I would assume he was fine with never seeing me again.
An occasional 'I miss you' text is a tactic used by useless scrotes to keep you hooked. I don't think this man is interested in you. Stop contacting him and see what happens. This isn't 'playing games'. You are obviously tired of initiating - that's why you wrote this post. 'Communicating' with him will change nothing - this is how this scrote behaves and you can't change it. Do you want to spend the entirety of this relationship doing the reaching out, doing all the work and feeling like shit for it? If not, back off and see what happens. If he doesn't step up, block and delete.
I mean, I have to initiate zero percent of my entire relationships. I let men be the ones to determine if they're in my life or not. I feel like the guys who say "I miss you" yet don't offer up any plans are lazy. If he wants to see you he'll reach out with a plan or a phone call to catch up. I'd say it's not a game to step back and let him be the one to lead. He'll either rise to the occasion or fail and if he fails just move on. Being shy has never been a deterrent of my exes or current beaus to be the ones initiating and planning the dates, being uninterested has tho.
Like, idk, the idea that a guy you've been out with already is "too shy" or "not bold" enough to ask you out again is a cope. No he's not. He either wants to or he doesn't.
Jesus Christ. Read the goddamn handbook.
Before you do that, block and delete this scrote into oblivion.
Don't tip your hand by saying anything yet. You want to see his genuine actions.
Pull back and see how long it takes for him to realize you haven't poked him to hang out. I bet it's going to be a long time. If/when he resurfaces asking what's up, you've got your answer. I know we don't explain why we disappear, but if you like, you could give a vague "I was turned off by your tepid behavior" before blocking him.
Yes
I had a "situationship" (I know, I know idiot me) with a guy like this some years back when I was younger and more naive -- Super sweet, caring, softboi who made me feel like the only girl in the world when we were together, and he too would send the "miss you babe" texts, among other shallow mushy platitudes, but never actually made plans with me. It was always me who had to hit him up to hang out/go out, but I put up with it too long because the sex was really, really, good. Like no one will ever beat this guy good... 😞
Eventually I made up my mind to stop putting in the effort to see him and after a few more lame text exchanges I didn't hear from him again until I got a "hey....." text almost a year later. Which was harder to ignore than I'd like to admit... but at least I did.
Save yourself the time. A guy who is into you the way you deserve for him to be will actively persue you and that has to include him INITIATING plans with you. It'd be fine if it was sometimes him and sometimes you, but it always being you is a major red flag.
It's not "playing games" to stop initiating dates with someone who never initiates any with you. Even if you do it hoping he'll end up stepping up, or knowing deep down that he probably won't.
To be honest with some tough love here sis, I think you might be using the "I don't want to play games" as a bit of an excuse for yourself to continue initiating and not having to face the fact he probably won't end up initiating once you stop.
It’s definitely a turn off for me when guys don’t initiate. It just shows you that they are interested. I would at least try to let him know you feel that way.