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I've found that as I've left school and university, it has become really hard to make new friends. I'm truly grateful for the ones I have but making new friends and having genuine, I've-got-your-back friends, are truly hard to find it seems.
I was friends with two girls whose parents are friends with mine but slowly stopped talking to the younger one (let's call her Michelle) who I'd only ever see and talk to when she would visit with her parents. I found myself always texting her first to say hello and find out how she is so our friendship dwindled. Her older sister (let's call her Emily) was always quieter so although we were friends, our friendship was not as strong. From talking to her one day, Emily told me how she doesn't really have a lot of friends and that she was bullied/made fun of in high school. One of the worst incidents was how she decided to go to the end-of-year prom with her friends, only for them to decide that they didn't want to go. Emily had agreed not to go but changed her mind and decided to go anyway with another friend who said she would go. She said that she was shocked to go and find that all her friends were there! They lied about not going so that she wouldn't come and they wouldn't have to hang out with her.
She told me how, after high school, she barely saw the few friends she did make and tried to become friends with Michelle's friends but was never accepted because she's introverted and doesn't match their extroverted, partying ways. She told me how she spent most of her time at home when she wasn't at work and barely had a social life.
I felt bad for her and decided to introduce her to some of my friends who always welcome new people. One friend of mine (let's call her Anna), really clicked with Emily and they'd often go off to do things without inviting me. I was OK with it because I was happy that Emily finally had a friend.
Sometime last year, I was texting Anna who told me that she was getting ready to go to Michelle's birthday party which was news to me, seeing as Michelle didn't invite me. Anna told me that Michelle told Emily to invite any of her friends so Emily invited Anna. I didn't fall out with neither Emily nor Michelle so I was really surprised that neither one of them invited me. I was hurt that I was left out and couldn't understand why.
Some days later, I was telling my mum about it and she ended up telling Emily's mum, seeing as they're close, that I wasn't invited. Emily's mum said she was surprised to learn that and asked Emily why I wasn't at the party. Emily lied to her mum and mine and said that she had invited me to other events that she and Anna were going to and I declined to come. My mum told me this and I was confused about how she tied me not going to some events with her and Anna, that happened well before the party, as a reason for me not being invited.
Emily then texted me to say soon after telling my mum the lie, that she heard that I was upset that I wasn't invited and that she had planned on inviting me so there was no reason to be upset. I wondered how in her mind, she felt that her "planning" to invite me was supposed to be fine with me, seeing as we were supposed to be friends, we hadn't fallen out and she had invited other people, including the person I introduced to her too (Anna). She made sure she invited who she wanted to and then "planned" to invite me, without actually inviting me. I was shocked and hurt because I did nothing to her and couldn't understand why she would exclude me like that. I replied her message by telling her that it was fine for her to not invite me but she shouldn't pretend, seeing as people invite who they want to invite to events and I wasn't going to lose sleep over the fact that she didn't invite me. She read the message and never replied. That was 5 months ago.
Looking back, I realised that she never cared about me because every time we spoke, she barely asked after me or cared to know about me. She never texted me first; I always texted her first. I introduced her to Anna that she wouldn't have known, if not for me, so much so that they'd even go out together and many times, and not let me know about it and not invite me.
I decided to cut her off and blocked and deleted her number because with friends like that, who needs enemies.
What does everyone think? I'd like to please get your feedback. Let me know if you'd had friendships that turned sour with female friends, all of a sudden.
I’ve been in a similar situation. You pair up two separate groups and they end up hanging out without you. Find new friends. Their actions show they have low social intelligence/awareness or even social anxiety. Because you are showing initiative and empathy, this comes across as confidence and being sure of yourself, which intimidates them! This is why they’re latching onto people they feel “safe” with and excluding you. It’s not your fault you’re a good person and they’re jealous or intimidated by that. They don’t have a good head!! Any good confident and compassionate person will know to be open, welcoming and have good communication. Trust me it’s for the best. You’ll find better friends.
I recently cut off a friend that I’ve had for 20 years because I realized that the only time she ever called me was when she was broken up with a boyfriend and needed someone to talk to, or if she wanted someone to brag to. She never asked what I was doing or about my family. She would do the obligatory “what’s up?”, and then launch right into her long diatribe about her life as soon as I took a breath. The last straw was when my dad died and, unlike my other friends, she sent a text that simply said “sorry for your loss”, and that’s it. Then she had the audacity to start calling again a month later, no doubt to chat about herself again. I pointed out the obvious to her, and told her I wasn’t interested in this dynamic anymore, and ended the friendship. So yeah, it is hard to make new lasting friendships once you’re an adult, and you have every right to drop someone just as you would drop a man who wasn’t treating you right. Friendships are relationships too, and should be reciprocal, mutually beneficial, and tended to. And when they’re not, then what’s the point?