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Went on a first date with a guy from Hinge. Vetted a lot and looked him up- he holds a very very prestigious position, is quite successful, and holds esteem with his peersz. He even bought a million dollar home. I knew he wasn't the looker but we hit it off and I decided to meet up. We went to a french bistro and he researched options and even mapped them out to make sure they were close to me. Green flags at first.
When I arrived, he was much balder than his photos led on but I did not mind. We had GREAT convo and banter. Lots of laughing and "omg me too" moments. I was ready to leave and he asked if it was okay to order a drink and stay, so I said sure.
Let me tell you though, he made ONE comment at the start of the date that let know it would not work out and I wish I went with that gut feeling instead of spending 2 hours with him. He mentioned how he spent 2 months in Europe this summer and said he "wanted to marry a rich Italian heiress and retire." I said "if you could pull that off, go for it" and he said "I tried." Now I am objectively way more attractive than him. The men at the spot kept glancing at me too. Any man serious about his date would not make that comment about marrying a heiress, even if it was a joke. And I knew that.
But I carried on and let his stupid charm allow me to enjoy the date. He was flirting hard, touching my leg and grabbing my hand a lot. I let him bc I enjoyed the chatter and thoughy it was going well. But i also knew a serious man would not touch his date like that. Sigh.
So we were wrapping up and he asked for the check , so the server placed it with him. I know he needed to go but he just sat there and didn't respond to the check. He did not reach for his wallet or even move. So I asked "do you want to split it?" And he said sure then reached for his wallet... I was shocked. I was waiting for him to say he was joking or something. The server even looked confused. And he even ordered pricier things than me. This man is 41! My entire positive feelings instantly dropped.
So we split the check and when we walked out, we realized we parked in opposite directions. I told him I was a couple blocks away and he did not even offer to walk me to my car. Weird.
So I unmatched him on my solo walk to my car. I later thought I overreacted. But nah, he sucks. I'm just confused how a great date turns into such a disappointment. This is the second time it has happened to me- wonderful date followed by bullshit. 2 weeks ago I had the best date with another man then he fumbled with planning the second date.
Anyway, I have a date with another man tomorrow. My expectations are always low but just when I start to enjoy a guy, the LV crap creeps up. I guess I am thankful FDS taught me to cut them loose immediatey so I am not wasting time with them. But damn, it does suck.
Ladies, I need your encouragment and words of wisdom to let me know I did right and that I am okay by myself. I did not want to tell him why it would not work out and decided to just leave him silenced. Its funny bc his friends were texting him and he told me he told them about his date. I'm sure he'll feel foolish to see he got silenced.
UPDATE: I went on the date with the other mann. Night and day. This guy got us tickets to this event. When we walked in asked what i wanted to drink and if I needed anything. Checked in throughout the event to see if i need refreshments or anything at all. He explained everything to me. Introduced me to some people he knew there. wanted to walk me to my car because it was late and dark in the city. When I got my car, the garage was locked and my house keys were in the car. I felt so bad bc I was trying to figure out the situation and he waited with me (in the rain) til we got it figured out. He asked if I had a good time and when I said and asked if I wanted to meet again. I said yes. Just nice guy overall. Yhis isnthe calmest I have ever felt on a date. It's like the univerze sent me this experience to show me how a respectful man would treat me. Bare minimum.
Now we arent super compatible and he seems a bit boring but im willing to him again if he plans it timely/approprately so I can learn nore. there eere things that require a closer look.
Don't offer to split, but just in case you do next time, inject more venom into your offer
"Are you waiting for me to offer to split the bill?"
"Do you need help paying for that?"
Remember that wealth, a prestigious job, and a fancy house are NOT HVM qualities. HVM are generous, kind, hardworking, and thoughtful. This man is a well-off LVM.
I despise men who joke about wanting to marry an heiress, or more commonly to become a “trophy husband.” Men cannot be trophies because men are never the prize. Immediately dump any man who makes a comment to that effect.
It sounds like you did well vetting before the date, and fairly well vetting during the first date. Good job cutting him off and not “giving him a chance” of a second date because of his wealth and prestige, even as he outed himself as lazy, selfish, rude, and stingy.
One tip is that you shouldn’t ask him to split the bill! At the end of a bad first date, with a man who is disappointing but not seemingly dangerous, make him lose face by remaining stoic and forcing him to ask to split the bill. I love how servers always witness this moment, and the disapproval radiating off you and the server combined will shame him even if he’s too stingy to cover the whole bill. Make him suffer the consequences of his own pathetic actions. Men KNOW what is right, they just refuse to do it. He’ll know he’s supposed to pay, even as he fails to do so.
Sorry he turned out to be a dud, but you did the right thing! Don’t settle for anyone less than a true HVM who is eager to care for you, spoil you, and work hard to provide you with a comfortable, happy life.
You did the right thing and I’m really proud that you unmatched before you even got to your car. IME, when a man keeps touching you like that during the date, he’s just looking for quick sex and he’s screening to find out how difficult you’re going to be for him to bed. The inappropriate touching is their way of testing for reciprocal high sexual interest. Since you (rightfully), weren’t groping him back, he took that as an insult. Because he’s so hot and sexy, any woman deserving of his time and money shouldn’t be able to take her hands off him. /s
Some men have such a delusional sense of self, they think that a beautiful woman way out of their league should be salivating over them within an hour of meeting. He’s going to end up with an actual gold-digger who is willing to fake attraction for the monetary benefits. There was never an Italian heiress; he was just triangulating you to try and make you work harder to win him over.
You’re right he does suck lol
It’s the walking in different directions that throw me off…
I’ve had guy friends that waited for me to get into my Uber. I can’t understand how men don’t understand women’s safety. In college, there was a group gathering for a pub crawl. The guy that was interested in me literally booked it straight to the pub. There were three guys that actually stayed and waited for me to get into my Uber at night during midnight.
An ex-partner told me that if a man doesn't offer to pay, women should always take that as a sign he doesn't like you.
A man not offering to walk me to my car is an instant write off for me. He simply doesn't care about your safety and you should never give him a second thought.
Side story - a man heavily pursued me and I agreed to a date. I thought all went well and he offered to drive me home, which I accepted. On the car ride home, he changed his mind and said he would drop me off at the nearest train station instead.
The train station was literally at the top of my street. I still can't comprehend his logic.
What a dick. He outed himself as a hobosexual at the start. Yes even rich men can be gold-diggers.
You said he isn't a looker. I say go for a cuter one next time! It's very hard to look at a man who you're not attracted to for much time. I've myself tried to let time solve that with men I wasn't initially attracted to, but not having that visceral level of attraction has always made me lose interest pretty quickly. It's not worth it. When it came time for them to expect intimacy, it would always hit me that I just liked them as a person and didn't actually want to touch them. It might be more extreme for me though, I don't know.
Enough bad experiences have taught me to never offer to pay any part of the bill, and to try my best to make them sound stupid for even asking. I laugh and say you invited me out, so thanks for paying for it. I strongly feel that they know that it's tacky to invite you out and not pay and they just like to see what they can get away with.
Of course you did right. I'm sorry, it seems to be going around lately as I can see from some recent fds posts and some stories from my couple of friends who date. These posts lately are coming more often from members who have been around a while and we are all trying to level up and the second we give them an inch they try to take a mile. Not to sound mean to "unknown member" and new member posts, but it seems they really are trying harder to get to the ladies who have been trying so hard to avoid scrote bs. Like they are trying harder now to sniff women like us out, and getting more sneaky with their tactics to make us feel bad. Just so irritating to me.
The Italian heiress part tells you - he’s another man with dreams of gold digging. Why is it supposed to be disgusting for us to say but okay for them? 😤
The second a man on a date makes you feel even a flicker of irritaion, that is the end of the date. A man who truly wants to impress will be on his a-game, and you should only feel relaxed, happy, and catered to. Anything else is a complete waste of time and lipstick. You did great blocking him the second you were in your car. He's a loser.
Hon’, what part of this date was good? He sounds like a horror show
On the bright side, at least this LVM doesn’t know what kind of car you drive or your license plate number. A dangerous LVM could follow you home if he knows which car is yours.
It happened to me. I was a waitress, and one of my regular customers offered to walk me to my car under the guise of being a gentleman. I found out later that he just wanted to know which car was mine so he could place a GPS tracker on it. He then knew where I lived, where I worked, and everywhere I went in my car.
After that, I was never comfortable with men walking me to my car unless I had vetted them first. 😬😬😬
Men are the true gold diggers