.png)
After dumping my brand new bf I decided to date ago and met this guy who seemed wonderful. On our first date he drove an hour to see me and even paid for lunch. Then for next date he wanted to me at a mall that was 45 min way from me and 30 min from him. I needed to shop so I agreed as I needed to go anyway. Then after our second date he wants me to come to his area for lunch and exploring which would be an hour drive for me. Now, I am always down to exploring new area so I am not really opposed to it, it's the fact the keep wanting me to drive a lot more than him that's bothering me.
This guy is well off and has a lot of free time so he can drive to me easily than I am. I also don't know if he is trying to show me a new area or just making things convenient for him. We only went on two dates and it's hard to tell him motivation. What do I do?
Update: I told him that I am not driving an hour to see him and he took it well. Said that he can come to me and we can do something nearby. I told him I will let him know tomorrow.
Of course he wants you to come his way — he'll be on home turf to try to sleep with you since it's date 3 and it's convenient since he doesn't have to drive.
Throw him back into the sea
I think back to my early 20s pickme self- I used to drive half an hour to see my now-ex-boyfriend almost every single day! He would guilt-trip me because he was a "struggling musician" (read: unemployed). But even when I offered to pay his gas money, it was a big fat nope. To him, I was a free prostitute delivered right to his doorstep. How stupid I was!
When I started online dating I set my filters to include men several hours away because I'm in such a small town and it's so hard to find HVM nearby. I figured we could meet halfway, but NOPE! These men had the audacity to ask me if I could drive out 3 hours to meet them while they stayed put on their comfy sofas. I DON'T THINK SO! I blocked so many men for these stupid requets until I finally realized the have ZERO respect for women on OLD and threw in the towel.
Now I will only date men IRL and they better show me a consistent, respectable level of effort. Remember, early impressions are their best foot forward! If they're putting in the bare minimum now, it WILL get worse!
I would look at it like this - do you want to drive an hour? do you want to drive an hour next week if it goes well? I personally would only drive that long if it's someone I have a relationship history with. Two good dates is not enough for me, personally, to start investing that much time and energy into. Sometimes it's not about the guy and it's just logsitically inconveneint. But I understand that some places that you have to drive that long to go to places or see your friends.
Now if your gut tells you that he is not investing the effort, or if his effort is dwindling then listen to it and suggest somewhere near you.
If he has a lot of free time, there should be no question about him coming to see you. I would feel very uncomfortable driving for an hour to see a guy. He knows he's asking a lot of you. He knows he's testing your limits. And if he doesn't, he's inconsiderate, and you don't want an inconsiderate man in your life.
I would say leave him. Gosh at the very least he should have paid for your Uber. At least gas money for you + additional money for wear and tear on your car. Now that’s at the very minimum... and that's low value scraps! He isn’t even doing that. Delete!!!!
It looks like he's testing you...
I want to be diplomatic, but my instinct is screaming 'Boy, - bye!'.
Are these dates getting progressively better or worse from your perspective? It seems like he is putting in less and less effort on his end each time, so I am just concerned that he could be using you as a placeholder to quell his boredom while he continues to date other women. I don’t have enough info to really make that claim though.
Also, is there a reason he’s asking you to lunch instead of dinner? He’s asking you to meet around 11-12pm and you haven’t spent any evenings around dinner time together?