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I'm seeing a new guy. It's been about 1 months and he's better than the last few guys I've dated. He has his own place, car, and money. We always hangout at his place. He's just a 15 min drive away and he has a dog so that makes the most sense. He doesn't know my address nor has he seen my place yet. I really like the fact he doesn't have my address. He can't just "pop in" or drive by to see if I'm here. I know how guys are, very territorial, and it's nice to be able to not have any of that extra pressure. Plus my place has all this music stuff set up in it,my home office, and it just feels really personal and like I don't want him to see it yet.
I kind of screwed up and told him he could come over. I have a washer and dryer and he does not so he is thinking he can do a lot of clothes here in my washer and dryer. He paid for a really yummy dinner last night and I get all excited and ahead of myself.. and I agreed and told him he could come over today. But now I realllllly don't want him to. And I don't want to do any of the extra cleaning and organization even though it's not a whole lot (I keep my place nice). How do I decline him coming here? Side note: I caught a rat in a trap and had to throw it away this morning. I thought the rats were gone here but they're not. I have a barricade so it's not a huge deal. I live by the water and rats are common here. It's not like this is a terrible place by any means. My rent is $1500 and I'm by the city. Not sure if I can use the rats as a way to decline him coming here? My bath needs recaulked and he said he could do that for me. But I have a maintenance guy I can use for that. I just really want to keep my place a secret for awhile longer and don't know how to get out of this plan I accidently committed to. I still haven't given him the address.
Girl, please. He should not be doing laundry while he is with you. Time with you is supposed to be romantic and special. You are not a laundromat. He needs to be actually taking you out on actual dates. Just hell no to all of this.
Would he suggest to his dream girl that he should be able to do laundry at her place? No.
Politely just tell him you changed your mind and you would rather go out. If he asks why, politely say just because. You don't owe him an explanation.
While you're at it, politely just tell him no thanks when he insists yet again at hanging out at his place instead of taking you out.
Also, no man has ever fixed or caulked anything for me whatsoever. These are lies.
I predict this relationship will die in less than 3 months.
After one month this guy is already using you for domestic benefits.
One freaking month.
That shouldn't be ok with you. You're not a laundromat.
He's way too comfortable too quickly. Mayyyyyybe after being exclusive and his machine broke down, yeah sure, let him use yours.
This move is ick worthy.
It's block o'clock
This is helping out a guy too much at only 1 month. Also, there is no need to invite him over at 1 month either. Too soon. If he reacts badly, he'll react badly every time you change your mind and all humans can and are allowed to change their minds.
You should not have gone to his place at all within only one month.. Like are you guys just Netflix and chilling??? Is thing just a fling???
Are you being taken out on proper dates by this guy or is like some kind of high school relationship like wtf am I reading that you have only been with him 1 month and constantly go to his place??????
Tell the guy you don't think you're compatible and dump his ass. He's lazy, you're not ready to date because you need to work on boundaries and proper expectations for dating. Never let any man use you as a laundromat or as a Netflix and chill girl.
Lord.. Read the handbook listen to the podcast aaaaaaaaaah none of your relationship is up to FDS standards
Tell him the washer broke, to stall for today, but then later do a spontaneous zoom call where you show him around on video so he feels like he's seen your place, but never comes over. After being stalked by my ex, I have a hard boundary about having men know where I live. Also, you already know this, but girl! Don't offer anything to him that he could use you for. Once he uses your washer/dryer one time, he'll expect to use it every week, and will use that excuse to come over to fuck you, under the guise of needing to do laundry. Laundry takes a couple hours. In that time, he'll try to use you for sex. Let that fucker go to a laundromat!
If it were me, I’d just very nicely and politely tell him he can’t come over. Just be honest and say you’re not comfortable with that yet. If he reacts in a bad way then it’s a red flag.
but to be honest it just sounds like he wants to come over and do his laundry for free.
Him buying you dinner does not give him access to your home and laundry machine. This transactional nature of his expectations is a red flag! You are a queen and he should feel honored that you are giving him your time and attention at all.
In fact, this is a great opportunity to see his true colors. I hope you will straight up tell him, "no", full stop. If you want to say more, repeat it in a longer format: you will not be able to have him come over. No more explaining beyond that.
Let him respond. What is the worse that could happen? You dodged a bullet? because there are plenty of men that will treat you right!
Just my two cents but I have a very bad feeling about him washing and drying his clothes at yours. Just nope.
Why are you hanging out at his place at only one month? He should be taking you out every time, that's what dating is for.
I won't be tough on you because the good Lord knows I've made much worse missteps in my younger days. But, for info purposes... WHERE THE HECK HAS HE BEEN DOING HIS LAUNDRY UP UNTIL NOW? This is the question which plagues my soul. Obviously he's been doing it SOMEhow (or at least, dear heavens, I hope so) but suddenly he's seeing this as a much easier option. Also, at no cost to him! No need to find quarters (do they still do quarters at laundromats or is it all credit cards now?). Utilities cost money -- wear and tear on your machines costs money -- would you give him money outright? No, of course not. So don't give him things that cost you money.
Gentle disagree with Eden about the video call, for reasons I'll post under her comment.
I totally understand that it's hard to retract an agreement -- remember this the next time you get excited in the moment and want to say Yes to something -- remember how hard it is to get out of it later. But, for now, remember that hard doesn't equal impossible. You can get out of this, and you should... and if he throws a fit or gets sulky, you know he's not HV.
To reiterate a couple of comments, it's been ONE month. You shouldn't have been to his place at all and he shouldn't feel comfortable inviting himself around yours. You should take a step back from dating (easier said than done!) to focus on yourself so when you do date, you can set proper boundaries like going on proper dates, and only "hanging out" after a good, proper amount of them.
And yes, that also includes dating a man who has his own washer and dryer (and knows how to use them. Without you.)
Absolutely not.
It's been only a month. He should be trying to impress you right now. Not freeload off of you.
Ew what? Why does he want to come over to use your washer dryer?!
So, if this guy has his own place and enough money that he can also afford to run a car and keep a dog....why doesn't he have his OWN washer? And why is he trying so hard to get access to YOUR space? Next thing it'll be 'hey, don't you think it just makes so much more sense for me and my dog to move in?' Pfft. Get this fast-forwarding parasite to fuck.
Do you like this guy? You don't seem too enthusiastic.
Does he even want to do laundry there? If he brings it up just tell him you changed your mind and realized it was a weird thing to offer or that you have a lot of your own laundry right now like sheets and towels And then just say you want to go there instead to see his dog.
Wait did he say he wanted to come over to do laundry or did you offer? Does he want to come over just to do laundry? Because that's very odd
Also, the reason why I suggested a video zoom call to show him your place, is because some men wrongly assume the reason you don't have them over is because you are hiding a husband or a live in BF. I have been accused of this in the past. So if you do a spontaneous zoom video call and show him around, he'll see your place and might be less insistent on seeing it in person.
One month and you're already at his place?? 😭
For what you should do, you text him and tell him you've changed your mind and if he presses why, just say you just don't want to. If he's still pressing, that's your cue to block and delete.
This was three days ago, I can’t help you in this situation, but, for the future, and for anybody else, just tell him you’re not up for it. You’re not feeling well enough to have company.
If he pressures you or tries your boundaries: block and delete.
If he has a maladjusted attitude: block and delete.
If he accepts your answer and your decision, pay attention to his attitude in the next few months. Does he go hot and cold? Does he get passive aggressive? Does he make you question yourself? Block and delete.