grown man that took advantage of me now at a spot i go to all the time

I will preface this by saying ONLY do this if you feel safe: You deserve to enjoy yourself, frequent the places that bring you joy and fulfillment, and a man shouldn’t be able to stand in your way. Whatever feelings you have about him and that past situation (shame, embarrassment, etc.) - try to turn it into *rage*: How DARE he creep around your spaces, the NERVE of a man to take advantage of you. He’s a loser who preyed on a much younger woman and had to drug you to do it. He’s worthless. Get angry about it and direct it all at him, not at yourself. ✨Practically, hurt him in the worst way possible. Which in a man’s case is for a woman to show him absolute indifference. Act like he doesn’t exist and you’ve never known him at all. If he looks at you, look right through him. If he talks at you, pretend he’s nobody. Continue to enjoy yourself at those places you’ve chosen and with any luck, he’ll be so uncomfortable that he can’t get your attention, he’ll just stop going. I guarantee this sort of thing will eat him up. He may have gotten what he wanted from you at that time, but it will cut him to see he means nothing to you.✨ Don’t be hard on yourself, sis. He’s obviously a lowlife with nothing going for him. A man in his 30s preying on a young woman? What a little worm. Don’t spare him another thought.

I'm so, so sorry for this. He is absolutely disgusting and he unfortunately succeeded in grooming you to have sex with him when you were cornered and felt afraid/vulnerable. There's a reason why he's going after you at 20 and not a woman his own age; a 33 year old woman would think he's fucking immature to still be bumming at his dirty place and smoke weed all day.

This happens everyday and it's not your fault. You have a good heart and tried to see the good in him; sadly, it just doesn't exist.

I’m really sorry you have to go through this. I would say avoid places where he is, and if you can’t avoid them, just pretend like he isn’t there. Meaning walk away if he starts talking to you. Maybe give a disgusted/disdainful look if you catch him looking at you.

I second the idea that you shouldn't avoid places for him, at least not permanently.

I feel for you as I live in a small town with 1 bar and half and I tend to get annoyed with the "avoid delete disappear" advice because it only works if you live in London and New York City. The rest of us peasants have to deal with the fact of life that our abusers keep living amongst us and there's a lack of advice and even support in that regard.

Of course stay away, disengage and even retreat for a while, or on a rainy day, but as a general rule I believe that changing your habits to avoid people should only be done when there's stalking involved or other safety matters (and even then it's not fair) or when you still have acute PTSD symptoms regarding that person.

But the final goal should be becoming as indifferent as you can be, and not allowing ANYONE to dictate your movements, choices even in avoidance. That's a tremendous amount of power to give someone and imo it's psychologically unhealthy to do it. It reinforces the very sense of powerleness that the abuser gave you in the first place. I think I got myself more PTSD trying to avoid men who hurt me, like they would care anyway.

Of course it takes time and strength, but we should develop strategy to reclaim our spaces and not surrendering them. You know what gives me more anxiety than seeing my ex Narc at New Years Eve? The idea of depriving myself of the first post pandemic big NYE party because he has that much power over me.