They’re still male. I had a gay male friend that made so many situations uncomfortable with his sexulized humor and comments.
At first I thought he was nonthreatening because I didn’t think he’d actually do anything to me because he wasn’t attracted to me in that way.
I completely cut him off and reported him after he showed me his genitals without consent as a “funny prank” He burst out laughing after I screamed at him and ran away.
Don’t underestimate a man‘s depravity. Just because he isn’t sexually attracted to women, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s “safe”, not a misogynist or won’t try to attempt to manipulate/use you for his own benefit.
Always vet male friends ruthlessly and cut them off the very first time they step out of line. (Like i should’ve done)
I personally don’t think men and women can be friends in most circumstances. There are hv exceptions but it’s rare.
The only male friends I spend time with are related to me. Even then they’re still vetted and I avoid the ones that give me a weird gut feeling. For male acquaintances I never allow myself to be completely alone with them and keep the relationship distant/professional.
In theory, it should be fine. However, there are probably about as many straight HVM as there are gay HVM.
Here's the issue: gay men are socialized in this world the same way every other man is. Thus, gay men feel entitled to use you for emotional labor, physical labor, trauma dumping, being a source of entertainment, etc. They are often just as misogynistic if not more b/c they aren't even interested in f*cking you. Many devalue women even more than straight men.
20
Unknown member
Apr 19, 2023
im sorry but sometimes i feel like gay men are even more misogynistic than straight men. They think that their lack of sexual attraction to women means that they are exempt from misogynistic behaviour. gay men usually get a pass to be misogynistic. I've also encountered gay men who think it's ok to smack a woman's ass just because it doesn't really mean anything since they are gay.
I am not saying every single gay man is like this but be aware of the fact that some gay men do think they get a pass. Gay men still have male privilege. They are still male and should be vetted.
I've had lots of gay acquaintances, but only one gay friend. It didn't go well. He constantly made jokes about how my then-husband was too good for me, and should be with someone like Jennifer Aniston. He did this in front of my husband and groups. I honestly think it was his way of coming on to him. One night we invited him over for a barbecue and without asking he brought over two guys he had just met on a dating app. They seemed super sketchy and I was not okay with having randoms over. I made them leave, which he took offense to. We fell out after that, and I'm glad.
It just depends on if he is cool with women or not. I've had two gay friends. One is HV, never treated me some type of way. The other also never necessarily treated me badly, but he publicly empathized with pedophiles and thought the sex offender registry should be abolished. So I blocked that one. 🤷
My last gay male friend I had to dump because he got irrationally angry with a woman friend of his who had been battered by her now-X husband and she exposed his criminal records on social media. Gay friend was outraged on his friend’s abuser’s behalf, that this abusive man’s PUBLIC CRIMINAL RECORDS were publicized. Bye, gay boy.
Personally I haven't had any decent experiences with gay men.
They have always come across as people that lack maturity and are waiting to share too many details or too much information with women just because they think liking men makes them similar or even "besties". If I don't reciprocate their feelings of "bestie" , then they start acting bitchy and stir trouble with games.
They also have tried to get physically close and touch or make inappropriate gestures which they felt was ok simply because they are not attracted to women so it should be considered humour.
Then again, this has been just my experience. Maybe I was just unlucky to come across a bunch of such men.
Maybe there are better gay men out there and I just haven't met them yet 🤷♀️
Regardless of a man's orientation, we should be vetting and seeing if he's HVM or not. There are plenty of misogynistic gay men who are LVM just as much as there are regarding their straight counterparts.
Personally, I've stopped befriending men for the past couple of years. I had a man recently try to be buddy buddies with me while we were working on a project together, and I nipped it in the bud immediately with a ghosting on my part. I'm done being men's therapist, pretend-girlfriend, and personal clown.
Just never take relationship advice from them. Stick to FDS.
6
Unknown member
Apr 22, 2023
Be friends with them if you want to, but keep in mind that they still experience male socialisation and some of them think they can get away with misogyny because they're gay. Drop them if they use misogynistic language (I've noticed a LOT of gay men are really comfortable with saying 'bitch' in ways that straight men are not) and hold them to the same standards as you would a man you're looking to date.
5
Unknown member
Apr 19, 2023
I've never had a gay male friend. I've met many gay men, though none I cared to befriend. Also, they have always given me a vibe like they didn't want to be around me anyways because I'm female. But this man seems different. We did hang out for the first time last night and I honestly had a blast. We talked for 4 hours straight in a wine bar. Then he respectfully walked me to my car to make sure I was safe. It was awesome being able to talk to a man with zero hidden agenda for sex. He just authentically enjoyed our conversation. Paid attention to my words instead of my body. He says he loves having straight female friends. Which is different from what I've experienced with gay men in the past. They usually avoid me cause I'm female. We even talked about going salsa dancing together and traveling to his home country of Spain. He treated me the way I wish straight men would treat me. Hhhmmm idk. I guess we shall see if he's a LVM or not.
One of my closest friends is a gay male. He has his flaws but we have a very fulfilling friendship and have been for close to ten years. I also met a very nice young man who is gay a few months ago.
Both are very respectful and have sweet and funny personalities. I also had a short friendship with another guy last year although from what I saw he seemed to be a bit more insecure and less stable so yeah. Still hold onto fond memories.
So far I have had more quality friendships with my gay friends than with my male straight friends. I completely avoid the gay guys who make sexualised jokes about women but last time one of them was around me it was in high school and undergrad.
So that is my experience, rather very positive and giving me a break from pick me friendships that are unfortunately common where I am.
.png)
They’re still male. I had a gay male friend that made so many situations uncomfortable with his sexulized humor and comments.
At first I thought he was nonthreatening because I didn’t think he’d actually do anything to me because he wasn’t attracted to me in that way.
I completely cut him off and reported him after he showed me his genitals without consent as a “funny prank” He burst out laughing after I screamed at him and ran away.
Don’t underestimate a man‘s depravity. Just because he isn’t sexually attracted to women, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s “safe”, not a misogynist or won’t try to attempt to manipulate/use you for his own benefit.
Always vet male friends ruthlessly and cut them off the very first time they step out of line. (Like i should’ve done)
I personally don’t think men and women can be friends in most circumstances. There are hv exceptions but it’s rare.
The only male friends I spend time with are related to me. Even then they’re still vetted and I avoid the ones that give me a weird gut feeling. For male acquaintances I never allow myself to be completely alone with them and keep the relationship distant/professional.
In theory, it should be fine. However, there are probably about as many straight HVM as there are gay HVM.
Here's the issue: gay men are socialized in this world the same way every other man is. Thus, gay men feel entitled to use you for emotional labor, physical labor, trauma dumping, being a source of entertainment, etc. They are often just as misogynistic if not more b/c they aren't even interested in f*cking you. Many devalue women even more than straight men.
im sorry but sometimes i feel like gay men are even more misogynistic than straight men. They think that their lack of sexual attraction to women means that they are exempt from misogynistic behaviour. gay men usually get a pass to be misogynistic. I've also encountered gay men who think it's ok to smack a woman's ass just because it doesn't really mean anything since they are gay.
I am not saying every single gay man is like this but be aware of the fact that some gay men do think they get a pass. Gay men still have male privilege. They are still male and should be vetted.
I've had lots of gay acquaintances, but only one gay friend. It didn't go well. He constantly made jokes about how my then-husband was too good for me, and should be with someone like Jennifer Aniston. He did this in front of my husband and groups. I honestly think it was his way of coming on to him. One night we invited him over for a barbecue and without asking he brought over two guys he had just met on a dating app. They seemed super sketchy and I was not okay with having randoms over. I made them leave, which he took offense to. We fell out after that, and I'm glad.
It just depends on if he is cool with women or not. I've had two gay friends. One is HV, never treated me some type of way. The other also never necessarily treated me badly, but he publicly empathized with pedophiles and thought the sex offender registry should be abolished. So I blocked that one. 🤷
My last gay male friend I had to dump because he got irrationally angry with a woman friend of his who had been battered by her now-X husband and she exposed his criminal records on social media. Gay friend was outraged on his friend’s abuser’s behalf, that this abusive man’s PUBLIC CRIMINAL RECORDS were publicized. Bye, gay boy.
Personally I haven't had any decent experiences with gay men.
They have always come across as people that lack maturity and are waiting to share too many details or too much information with women just because they think liking men makes them similar or even "besties". If I don't reciprocate their feelings of "bestie" , then they start acting bitchy and stir trouble with games.
They also have tried to get physically close and touch or make inappropriate gestures which they felt was ok simply because they are not attracted to women so it should be considered humour.
Then again, this has been just my experience. Maybe I was just unlucky to come across a bunch of such men.
Maybe there are better gay men out there and I just haven't met them yet 🤷♀️
Regardless of a man's orientation, we should be vetting and seeing if he's HVM or not. There are plenty of misogynistic gay men who are LVM just as much as there are regarding their straight counterparts.
Personally, I've stopped befriending men for the past couple of years. I had a man recently try to be buddy buddies with me while we were working on a project together, and I nipped it in the bud immediately with a ghosting on my part. I'm done being men's therapist, pretend-girlfriend, and personal clown.
Just never take relationship advice from them. Stick to FDS.
Be friends with them if you want to, but keep in mind that they still experience male socialisation and some of them think they can get away with misogyny because they're gay. Drop them if they use misogynistic language (I've noticed a LOT of gay men are really comfortable with saying 'bitch' in ways that straight men are not) and hold them to the same standards as you would a man you're looking to date.
I've never had a gay male friend. I've met many gay men, though none I cared to befriend. Also, they have always given me a vibe like they didn't want to be around me anyways because I'm female. But this man seems different. We did hang out for the first time last night and I honestly had a blast. We talked for 4 hours straight in a wine bar. Then he respectfully walked me to my car to make sure I was safe. It was awesome being able to talk to a man with zero hidden agenda for sex. He just authentically enjoyed our conversation. Paid attention to my words instead of my body. He says he loves having straight female friends. Which is different from what I've experienced with gay men in the past. They usually avoid me cause I'm female. We even talked about going salsa dancing together and traveling to his home country of Spain. He treated me the way I wish straight men would treat me. Hhhmmm idk. I guess we shall see if he's a LVM or not.
One of my closest friends is a gay male. He has his flaws but we have a very fulfilling friendship and have been for close to ten years. I also met a very nice young man who is gay a few months ago.
Both are very respectful and have sweet and funny personalities. I also had a short friendship with another guy last year although from what I saw he seemed to be a bit more insecure and less stable so yeah. Still hold onto fond memories.
So far I have had more quality friendships with my gay friends than with my male straight friends. I completely avoid the gay guys who make sexualised jokes about women but last time one of them was around me it was in high school and undergrad.
So that is my experience, rather very positive and giving me a break from pick me friendships that are unfortunately common where I am.