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Hello !
I already made several posts here.
I am very frustrated by my dating life and I don't know how to deal with it.
Some context : I am a 23yo POC women living in Europe (not UK and not a country where there is a lot of POC studying) and doing a master's degree in a high-ranked school. I would say that I am quite conventionally pretty (OK in full white environment, very pretty in diverse/multi-ethnic environment). I do a lot of sport I don't have any physical issue I am quite happy with myself.
However, I have been single for 1,5 years now and I am struggling. My first relation was chaotic (Ive been traumatized I dated a racist white men that fetishized "asian looking" people (I am ethnically ambiguous lets say I just look like someone from the latina belt lol)). He was looking for a "traditional submissive girlfriend" without being a "traditional boyfriend". My second one was great but it was during an exchange year and I had to come back to my country. He was from a non western cultural background and it was better (they are not all perfect but there was no cultural clash this time).
My dating life is empty. Very empty. My biggest struggle is that I am looking for a guy that has an ethnic background (it's more likely that we will match on several cultural aspect, and less likely that he will complain about providing even if some of them do and these one are trash they want the cake and eat it too!) and that's also doing great study (Id like at least like me, doing Bachelor or Master)
It's hard to find someone that's a good match there. Very hard. The 2 last guy I went on a date with were CHAOTIC (not listening to me, warning me that a relationship was 50/50, etc). The first one I was naive so I went on 3 date with him (he didn't paid the 3rd), the second one I learnt from my experiences I stopped everything after 1st date.
My profile would be very common in Canada or US (even if dating there is hard) but here it is very complicated. I am physically underrated in full white space (I don't mind I came to terms with it). If I choose to go with white guys generally I get either the ugly one or the one that's rejected by white girl (yes that was my first ex). I am realistic about it. Moreover, there is not a lot of place I can fit in. There is like 3 other ethnic guy in my whole study year........
I don't have any confidence issue (now), I worked on it and all of that stuff. But here finding a good match is so hard. I don't know what to do. Maybe sometimes is wrong with my social circle (I don't have group of friends but only one-to-one friendship), I don't know what I can do. I also don't know if it's worth keep trying or if I should wait to move for another country (maybe I will be able to do this next year or when I will be 25, in two years). I really don't know.
Don’t bother too much with serious dating until you know where you want to live. That country doesn’t sound like a long term choice for you.
The way most women deal with being single is by focusing on priorities and finding hobbies in remaining free time. With hobbies, you can develop one or switch between multiple ones depending on what suits you.
Quality of men is something we cannot control. Rather we cannot (and ideally should not aim to) control other human beings anyway.
So best we can do is focus on setting the best life for ourselves. There is no time period or limit within which one should have already settled with a man, so please don't let it get you down if you are not in a relationship by a certain age.
High value men exist in this world for sure, and one day you will definitely meet one.
Wish you all the best :)