.png)
I'm re-evaluating some of the friendships I've had through out the years. Some longer than others.
I recently decided to go no contact with one group after a traumatic event with them. It left me in shambles and I had to pick myself up on my own. Their was between a boy and girl. The boy lead me on and the girl kept budding into my romantic life. You might think that the girl is trying to help but she has a nasty habit of putting her nose into other people's business. This is her third time "intervening". With the boy, there was something there, but I got hasty because of the other girl and asked a question that caught him off guard. Anyways, they want hangout with me to set record straight. Honestly, it was traumatic and an embarrassing situation that I don't want to be in again. There's a third friend, who's going out of her way to set us up together. Being with them reminds about the drama that I used to have in Highschool. It brought me back to a very bad place. Other people tell me that I should see them to see what they want, but I don't want to go through that treatment. Am I right to just keep rejecting their invites? I truly believe that everything does not have to be in black and white, and a person's actions shows their true colours. They were both in the wrong.
This event lead me to meeting other people and groups. Let me tell you, it's wild. I've met up with girls who were pick-mes and all they'd do is meet up and give backhanded compliments to eachother because they're jealous of eachother. Another instance was when this girl had a ONS and did not use protection. Throughout the whole brunch, she was worried about pregnancy, but refused to get tested and she was freaking out and causing a scene. The waiters were giving us looks. That was the last time I saw them as they deemed me unworthy of their ways. It's okay the feeling is mutual.
As for me, I've only been able retain certain people in my life and develop friendships on an individual basis.
Lately, I've been feeling as if there is something wrong with me, because I notice a pattern within myself where I tend to leave big circles and cannot maintain friendships with large groups. It's always been like that since birth.
I made a whole post about how to make reciprocal friendships if you are interested! Don't waste your time on anything less than friends who show up for you the way that you show up for them.
I have always had trouble with friendship groups as well and have always preferred one-on-one friendships. IMO there's always politics and drama in friendship groups. There are always in-fighting or someone being pushed out of the group (often for no real reason) or some other drama. I see nothing wrong with preferring one-on-one friendships if they work for you. I also see nothing wrong with walking away from friendships that no longer work for you. The way I see it, friendships are voluntary. Both people have to want to be in the friendship. It's a bit like when two people are married and one says "I want a divorce". The other person might not like it, but they have no choice but to accept it. You can't force someone to stay in a relationship (of any kind) if they don't want to.
I've always struggled to make friends. I have very intellectual and niche interests. I love art and literature and like having deep conversations. I've never been able to meet people who I clicked with in real life. I've mainly depended on online friendships as a result.
Many of the women I've encountered in everyday life are so wrapped up in men and relationships. I simply cannot relate because I've always been single and do not receive male attention. It's isolated me from other women unfortunately, throughout high school and college and in work places.
I'm also in my 30s. It's not easy to find female friends in general, but particularly when you are a radical feminist and do not have a partner or kids. Like another commenter said, make sure you are in fully mutual friendships. I'd rather be alone than be in something one-sided, which is what happened to me throughout my life. I'd settled for unsatisfying "friendships" but never felt seen or understood or cared about. I'm accepting that I might always be alone.