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How do I let my friend know that the way she's getting to know men is rather dangerous?
I am really concerned for her which I've told her multiple times.
What she's doing is none of my business which I've also let her known, but I am concerned nonetheless.
My friend doesn't take her time getting to know men. She mostly meets them on apps and it sounds as if she sleeps with them rather quickly. She then ends up chasing after men whereas these men try to cut her off. She just won't get the hint.
I told her many times she shouldn't chase men, that these guys should put in the effort to plan dates but this is not the main reason I wanted to make the post.
She lets men that she's known from apps into her apartment. She gives her number to men who start behaving completely psychotic.
This following situation is not related to dating: she told me today that she went into her neighbor's apartment who invited her to check it out. This man she described to me must be almost in his 50's, she's in her twenties. She lets him carry the packages to her apartment. Without thinking once, that this neighbor could potentially have bad intentions.
She'll go on a trip by herself and told me about some guy she's known since 2015 or so who lives far away. They will both sleep in the same hotel room after not having talked for years.
I suggested to her she should read "the gift of fear" by gavin de becker.
HOW can I help her? I'm also drained from giving her advice, because she won't listen to me.
This is why FDS says you need to cut out Pick Me's. They are stressful and can put you and/or your children into dangerous situations from bringing strange NVM around. What I do with female friends is be honest and don't let them be delusional about men. They almost always fade away for their frat boy FWBs or abusive husbands but I am not holding my tongue and regretting it later. They are free to go and my conscience is clear. I really do wish I had some female friends but most are willing to hobo scrap over NVM lol. I am sad about it but you can't control others, just how you respond to them.
Sounds like she values mediocre dick more than her actual friendships. You've already tried relentlessly. If she refuses to listen there's nothing else you can do.
Do we have the same friend lol. I also have a friend like that, only she's 37 and has 2 kids. Sleeping with unhinged scrotes just met on Tinder and pining after each one of them. They're all "the one" until the next one. They use her, sometimes abuse her, then say they "don't want a relarionship", she just keeps going after them. Ever since she has downloaded Tinder, these scrotes are all she talks about. I'm concerned but also annoyed. My conclusion is that these women have issues that go beyond pickmeism. Codependency, misplaced thrill seeking, addiction, impulse control issues, broken "love compass", childhood trauma, and are usually oblivious about it. Honestly, it's impossible for me to enable this stuff. It makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to be the one who calls you out all the time. They want that motherly figure but also hate it, so you become the scapegoat. I just quietly quit, hoping that it's a phase and of course I'm willing to rekindle the friendship if they see the light and stop harassing me with scrotes horror stories.
Some people just enjoy the excitement of living like this. There is no way to get them to listen to reason because risky behavior is essentially an addiction for them. There is really nothing you can do.
When I still had pickme friends, I'd emphasise their man's bad traits. Whenever she recounts a LV date or complains about LVM I tend to be honest about my feelings. “That’s horrible!!” / “I wouldn’t like a man treating me that way, sounds disrespectful.” / "OMG are you ok?! That sounds unsafe!!". Hopefully they take that on, if not, there’s not much more you can do.
Tread lightly and try remove yourself from these pickmes. I cut off my pickme friends because they endangered ME. For example, I got stranded at night multiple times and even once attacked by a homeless person because my pickme friends never showed up, cancelling last minute for a tinder date or getting summoned by their scrote BF. My sister had a pickme phase and invited random men over while I was asleep. I've heard of women getting SA’d by their friend’s boyfriends. You might try confronting them about these issues but they will blame you instead or drain you out by constantly needing to be saved from scrotes.
Pickmes bring dangerous men into their life which also exposes you to potential danger/harm. Your safety is paramount.
It takes a while sometimes realizing we just don't want someone close because of having different values. Ultimately, you no longer respect your friend.
Due to proximity, I still come in contact with someone regularly with whom I no longer wish to be friends. She is choosing to be in a relationship with a man that is married and has a child. She chooses to believe the song and dance that he and his wife just share a home and she of course parrots the nonsense he says about his wife to villainize her. I don't respect her and don't want to be around someone with such questionable morals. I also want friends who display pride in themselves and the choices they make.
in my experience, there's nothing you can do. i mean, is she the type of person who listens to her friends' advice? or is she stubborn?
last time i tried to warn a 'friend' about some guy she was falling for (he was in an 'open marriage', didn't give her much attention, carried a gun around and gave many other red flags), she stopped talking to me and even unfriended me on social media.
some lessons must be learned the hard way...
I know cutting off people is hard so I'll give a suggestion for a final resort You could send her the statistics on spousal murder and how women are three times more likely to die by having a man live with them than they are to die being outside at night. women are also more likely to be happy single and childless (we all knew that). But also men are just less intelligent their brain's age faster and a lot of them are pedophiles in denial, she'll technically never be good enough because she's never going to obtain the youth that'll actually satisfy her pick me ways.
I know how it's like to not be able to let go of a friend so I'm not going to blindly tell you to cut her off but if she's actively wasting your time and putting you in danger or stressing you out you can totally go to town on that block button. I know how it is to want to help a young woman see that she's worth so much more than scrote coins and this could also just be her form of self harm because she feels like she doesn't deserve high quality relationships
She will learn when she hits rock bottom or she might not learn at all and stay a pick me for life. Also, if she is sleeping with anyone and everyone, why are you friends with her? Think about your reputation Queen.