For those who are single, no kids do you feel you're treated differently by women who are married?

None of my friends have had kids yet, but many are engaged or married. Sometimes I have felt that they pity me, or hope for me to get married. But I see their unattractive, emotionally stunted fiancés/husbands, and they come to me with advice on their unhappy relationship problems, and I pity them back 😂

This shit is honestly one of my pet peeves and a dealbreaker to me. If you dare to say this to my face in that smug sanctimonious tone people always use for sentences like this (you all know it) we are done.

As if giving birth a biological child were the only way to ever experience "true pain" (screw all women, who have debilitating injuries or illnesses, right?) and "true love" (so screw women who can't have children, who chose to adopt or who love other people than their own children very much, right?), raising it is the only way to experience true exhaustion (screw people in exhausting jobs or who take care of dieing, sick or disabled relatives 24/7, right?) and gaslighting yourself into thinking that washing your manbabys dirty underwear is the only way to experience "true sacrifice and commitment".

No, thank you. You don't know my life or anyone else's and the louder you scream stuff like this the more convinced I will be that you are just trying to paint your shitty life in shiny colors and call it "love", "commitment" and "sacrifice" not to go completely crazy.

I'm in my 30s and I only really befriend unmarried childless women in their 30s 😁

I really only feel "treated differently" by the women in my own family as I don't make friends with women who would treat me differently because I'm single and childfree. I'm a single, childless woman over 35 for reference.

My mother, two older sisters and two oldest nieces were all married and/or having kids by the time they were 25 years old. I was married at that age, but we divorced before 30 (due to him being an alcoholic). They think I'm the weird one because I'm happily living in my condo that I own with just my dog. When we all get together it's like they don't know what to do with me or how to relate to me since I don't have children or a man-child at home that needs constant attention. They also think it's weird that I'm actively not trying to get married and reproduce...Internalized Misogyny is a hell of a drug...

But my response to a woman telling me that I don't know real exhaustion till I have children would be, "Actually I do know the level of exhaustion caused by having kids. This is one of the main reasons I chose not to have any."

Have you ever eaten a meal with someone who wishes they had chosen the entree you chose? And instead of just eating and enjoying their food, or even admitting they think yours look really good, they exaggerate about how amazing their meal is and how it can’t possibly be less delicious than your meal?

It’s funny, but every time the subject comes up, not only are people shocked, but a lot of people and specifically a lot of women often do this whole song and dance where they try to justify their choice, or try to undermine my decision and my research by claiming that it’s wrong or that “yea those women are happy until they get older,” even though the statistics don’t back up their point.

It’s as if my mere existence as myself simply makes them feel like they have to justify why they are choosing to do those things, even though I never ask them to justify it or put them in a position to have to justify it.

It comes across as disingenuous because it’s a cope. They might still love their entree, but it’s too hard to admit that yours is at least equally a delicious choice, so instead they have to talk about how happy they are to have chosen their meal over yours, and how you couldn’t possibly be enjoying your meal as much as they enjoy theirs. They have to at least threaten you with food poisoning to try to convince you that your meal was the wrong choice…lmfao🤣

Usually with those women, I just move the conversation along. There’s no point in rubbing it in their faces about how much I’m enjoying my juicy steak and would hate to be eating their dry reheated chicken. Then I’d look like I was coping as much as they are. Better to just smile and say I’m very happy with my steak, and leave it at that. Their insecurity over their entree choice is their problem, and I’ll always support women regardless of their choices, but I won’t tolerate someone looking down on mine. I’m not saying shit about how bad that chicken looks. You already know, since you’re the one eating it.

It’s important to mention that people secure in their decision to have children do not act that that. They usually want to know more interesting things about me than what I’ve chosen to eat for dinner.

I get treated different becuase im still in the “breeding age” (their words not mine) And I should be planning starting a family by now. Some are absolutely disrespectful and flat out ask why I don’t have any kids not just asking but also making a huge scene.

Its one of the reasons why I don’t like strangers asking questions. Or be around them. Because they assume a childfree woman must be up to no good.

Of course we do

Single- shaming is real and is prevalent in both married and unmarried women, younger or older women. It's everywhere.

Single women shame you because they look up on married women as "more accomplished".

Married women shame you because they pity you and want to "teach you how to get a guy" and "fix you"

Older married women are the absolute worst. They see you as an anomaly and are the most condescending of all .

I dread the thinking that I’m single because I’m some kind of hoe. Like no, don’t mistreat me like men have.

Sometimes married women with kids kinda judge me for not being like them. Maybe i look like a failure since no man wants me or something. They think I might not be as good at house chores as them or something, I don't really know. I try not to interact with them as soon as I get that vibe.

Some of my married friends tell me (with all good intentions and no mockery at all) that my life is definitely better as an unmarried woman. If they had a chance to go back in time and decide not to get married, they would.

Some of my friends are neutral about it 🤷‍♀️ They really acknowledge and understand that both situations have different pros and cons.

I have been lucky to encounter all 3 types of interactions :)

I'm single and child free and getting close to 30, which is the age you're implying ie the "wall".

Married women aren't usually an issue for me. The ones that will act rude and better than me tend to be pickmes who had kids with LVMs and are deep in denial. They'll neg me: well don't you want to have kids, you're missing out, but it's the best experience, aren't you worried about getting older, aww why not? Sometimes it's blatantly rude and the "you'll change your mind".

There's a lot of cope around their husband / baby daddy being an LVM "well that's just how marriages are, you have to fight for him, you have to communicate, you have go compromise, he does X even though I tell him not to all the time but he doesn't listen I love him anyway"

I have gotten the opposite reaction where they tell me I won't ever know true love till I have a child. The bond between child and mother is stronger than no other. Yada yada..

I consider it to be gaslighting. Attempting to gain power by invalidating the experience of another person is just abusive. I had an ex do this to me in my twenties and while this is more societal than personal it has always sickened me.

I lost my father at a fairly young age and my friend’s father is very problematic (been homeless before). Each is very different and has hurt us profoundly. Anything other than us trying our best to support the other is twisted. They are simply incomparable horrible things we experienced.

Even if we have done and experienced everything, we still have no right to compare experiences because we take different bodies and backgrounds into each experience. Anyone who doesn’t understand this is being wilfully ignorant.

If I took stock of the interactions I've had in the past as a whole with various women that were married, yes. I felt like I was a sounding board for them to vent or rant about life. But at the same time they were very kind to me and always either shared food or gave me company during group projects. Their husbands were always a piece of work and probably not what I could call... HVM but even the husbands were very polite with me if I happened to see them after work or whatever hours.

Close family pities me, but all my friends dont have kids, even though they are married. We meet at the dog park and I rarely see their husbands. In fact, they kinda party like single women, lol. We go to activities all the time!

I don't want to participate in the "who is more exhausted" competition, so I am not getting comments like that.

Yeah, I kind of feel this. There's a vibe from these snobby women at work. I feel like they look down on me with contempt or pity but...they're both divorced. And I'm going to do what *I* want to do with my life.