Feeling so lost, and conflicted with how I see myself and how others see me. Mid 20's crisis???

What do you want to achieve? What do you want to prove to them?

You basically answered your question yourself: “ I feel like they want me to fit into a mould and I’m too self-aware to change myself to think like them”

You can’t change how someone else thinks about you, but you can change how you think about yourself.

Most of us have all been there, wanting approval from certain people, so I say this with no malice: just accept things how they are. No need to intellectualise things.

If your self-perception is easily influence by how others see you to the point of you having an identity crisis (because family and friends see you differently) then you need to reflect on yourself without any outside influence

Sit down, journal etc. make a list of characteristics you think of yourself and then write as many examples as possible which prove that statement!

E.G. “ I think I’m good at inserting my boundaries” ——> 1. When (name) crossed my boundaries I stick to my guns and didn’t cave in then they told me I was being mean

Create also a list of believes your family attributes to you and either disprove or prove their points

E.G. “ my parents think I’m too naive” ——> no, I was able to …. Or “sometimes I can be very naive”

Take a look at your list and the evidences which either prove or disprove whatever claims and then you work on it

First thing I notice is you stating that your friends think you are mature. This tells me that you are young bc ya don't see people in their 50s wanting others to think they are mature.

You probably are naive about some things. That's perfectly ok. Focus on the things you can and want to change/improve. The acquisition of knowledge is a lifelong process.

What I'm about to tell you I personally find frustrating: you will never actually know how others perceive you. You can adjust how you perceive you though and that will affect how others see you.

Start doing different activities. Choose a new exercise routine or join a gym. Find volunteer opportunities in your community. Get involved in a hobby you've never tried before.

Instead of trying to convince others in your life that you are some sort of idealized version of yourself, begin engaging/participating in things that resonate with what the type of person you believe yourself to be does.

Family may always see you as their little girl. New people in your life don't have memories of you in diapers.

Is your family controlling at all? They might tell you you're naive and easily influenced because they want you to be naive and easily influenced BY THEM, therefore when you're thinking for yourself they're assuming you're being influenced by somebody else and that's wrong in their eyes because that's not who they want you to be.

I had some toxic family members too, and they have a history of trying to manipulate me by throwing flaws or virtues in my face depending on how they want me to act. My brother always called me childish and selfish when I didn't do what he wanted me to, because he wanted me to think that not doing what he wants from me is me being selfish and childish. Basic manipulation tactic.

Even if nothing toxic is going on, your friends are on your side and they see you for who you are. If your family is stuck in their own interpretation of who you're supposed to be, that's their problem not yours.

It's really common in childhood to be influenced by what other people say of you. If enough people tell you that you're a shy kid for example, you'll end up fitting the mold and believing it yourself. Soon, a very normal amount of discomfort in a new social situation will morph into a whole ordeal where you won't even try to go against that discomfort because "you're shy" and everyone knows it because they constantly bring it up all the time. It takes time to break this mold and grow into who you really want to be. Usually that starts happening in your twenties or whenever you're able to get away from your family and spend more time on your own, and live on your own terms.

I also feel like, in certain families, you're kind of forced into a certain role. You're the mom, or the dad, or the eldest sister, or the middle brother, or the youngest. These roles always come with expecations of how you behave and what you do around the home. People don't always hang out with their family like they do with their friends and, as a result, to their friends they are people with all the depth and personality that it entails. But to your brother, you might just be the little sister acting "like a little sister" whatever that means to him: if you hung out around him a lot when you were 8 and gullible and he played pranks on you for fun, then he might get stuck in this mindset of always seeing that 8 year-old gullible girl whenever he interacts with you, no matter how much you've grown or changed. To your mom, you might be the daughter doing "daughter things". If you were a difficult teenager at 16 for example, she might bring it up again every time you have a disagreement, even if it's justified and your arguments are rational, because all she sees in you is that rebellious teen she used to know and she can't see you as an twenty-something adult.

It just warps their perception of you that way, and they lack a lot of context from your life, which is everything that makes you YOU and that they don't necessarily get to see (your life outside of home, what influences you: the books you read, the stories you hear, the ones you tell, it's a LOT).

Of course it is very much possible to know your family members for who they really are, but family doesn't always mean closeness. They don't always see the real you.