Feeling lonely, how do u ladies cope/reframe mindset?

Aww beautiful kitty

It's like quitting drugs. You will have withdrawal for a while. It will pass.

What a beauty 😻

And men wonder why we don't trust them. I've yet to hear a man say: I don't expect you to trust a stranger, and I don't expect you to give 'chances' but I'll prove myself until I've gained it and consistently work to keep your faith in me.

this comment is so powerful and so accurate it hurts. it's a sorry state of affairs with men out there. especially the part about how ugly their mindsets are and how sadly enduring that seems to be. I'm dating for basically the first time in life as a 30+ woman after leaving a very long term relationship with a LVM and nothing could have prepared me for the behavior I have encountered from men (don't ask me why...I've been witnessing it since birth like all of us but just had such limited experience and context on the intimate relationship level). when I'm nothing but a kind and respectful person. It's like they are trained to view kindness and love with contempt and abuse it every chance they get. leaving my relationship was such a triumph but learning firsthand how commonplace these behaviors actually are was soul crushing on a whole new level. I'm now trying to make peace with the idea that the kind of love and connection I long for from a man may just not be possible, and I find that heartbreaking.

also just need to say that this forum (and the subreddit before it) has been such a help to me and helps me feel so much less alone. I was in such pain today and reading these posts really helped. love you queens.

Don't worry about answering why, we know why. Society doesn't teach what a healthy relationship is with programs like love island. We also don't get taught in school, college or parents. We also have zero healthy bases of what a relationship is supposed to be like because honestly, I only know one couple in my whole life, out of thousands of people throughout my life I've met through school college work etc. Everyone in a relationship is either putting up with bad treatment or worse getting abused in some form and some are in denial don't even know it.

This resonates heavily with me:

"It's like they are trained to view kindness and love with contempt and abuse it every chance they get" "learning firsthand how commonplace these behaviors actually are was soul crushing on a whole new level. I'm now trying to make peace with the idea that the kind of love and connection I long for from a man may just not be possible, and I find that heartbreaking."

These behaviours are too commonplace and nobody is doing anything about it. Zero tolerance policy in Ireland might help the new young relationships going forward but fuk slightly older people who have been abused, they'll never get justice.

I found that heartbreaking too, the thought that I know how to be happy, and I was happy until I was treated very differently, but that I know I have so much happy memories I wanted to share with a partner. I've ended up building a home without him and it has been depressing at times reaching milestones knowing it could have been so much more fun but I'd never have him or any man like him in my life again. I'm starting to sing and dance to songs on the radio again. And it's been years. That's how much they traumatize us. But I know he has lost his game.

Thank you for this, i didn’t really think of it as an addiction of some sort, and now I’m experiencing “withdrawal symptoms”, makes sense. Just have to ride this out..

It’s definitely the disillusioned..im very thankful for my 2 cats😔🥲🥰

We see that our happiness as women had been a subject of debate and resolution that men took over. Many times, our happiness as women had been defined in relation to a man or "usefulness" to a man.

I did much thinking and I concluded that female happiness is new terrain.

So this uncharted territory was used by men to push their ideas of exploitation not exploration, further. I listened to many women, of various ages and the older ones internalized very patriarchal view points on happiness for us. These points usually included "having stuff": have a man, have a house (his house), have children. They paid little to no regards to how they felt. Many of these old women in my country have been subjected to male violence in the forms of rape and DV. DV during communism was a staple of the rural women. It was "accepted" that women should suffer at hands of men. Women were also gaslig by the culture that they should be grateful for what they had and be more humble. They were victim blamed constantly. So imagine my face when my grandma "advised" me to choose a violent man, by telling me: " he corrects you, he improves you, he will teach you how to stop that pride that lives inside you". 😬

You have no examples, no mythologies, no rules to define your happiness.

Jo, you have 2 cats. How amazing is that? You can define happiness for yourself. No one else can. Maybe you miss good quality female companionship that's built around a cause. I sleep like a baby knowing no man is planning to cheat on me or abuse me or hurting my pets.

I remember being the loneliest when I was in a relationship