I've been following FDS for a while now and I think I've done a good job at internally adopting the values and really putting them into practice to the point where I won't accept LV behavior or settle for crumbs. I've been celibate for over a year now which is by far the longest I've ever gone. I also haven't even gone on a date (or have been asked out on one) for months because I simply am not interested in anyone and men can't seem to meet my standards in even talking to me. But, I'm really depressed about this. I don't have a support system because all of my family lives out of state and I've also cut a lot of LV friends out of my life. I deleted all social media a while ago and quickly found out how disconnected most people are and how they will simply forget about you if you don't post on social media. I pretty much just go through the motions in life going to work, then coming home and doing some hobbies, taking care of my health, etc. But my social life is nonexistent. Everyone I try to engage with is so obsessed with their phones and not able to be present, which very much triggers me (which is why I won't be friends with those people). I honestly just wish I had companionship in my life, and I'd prefer that companion to be a man. I've been finding myself fantasizing about men I've never even met and having sexual dreams, probably from being celebrate for so long. I am sexually frustrated and sometimes feel like maybe a FWB would benefit me, but I know deep down I want and deserve more than that. I want someone I can enjoy life with, and someone I can talk to at the end of every day. I'm sick of going through life alone. I'm sick of spending days on end not even using my voice to talk to a single person. I take very good care of myself every day, but sometimes I feel like I've hit a brick wall, like there's no more levelling up to do because I'm not getting anywhere or feeling any better. I feel like focusing on my hobbies and skills has left me burnt out. But I have nothing else to do with my time; I don't have anyone else to spend my time with.
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Yeah, loneliness is a reality that sometimes isn't acknowledged often enough. Sure, we don't need men, let alone LVM, but everyone desires companionship. Women who are attracted to men also want male companionship. It's hard to deal with the fact that you want it but all the options suck. It's not your fault for wanting it, nor is your life “not good enough” because you can't shut down your social needs. There is this idea that the ideal FDS woman will never feel lonely, never sad about being single, always happy with no one but herself. Some do get there but it's a long and hard process, most of the time. Especially when we have never really gotten the love or respect we would have needed. Most people forget that security in oneself is often built on a foundation of external love and support, especially in our formative years. It's indefinitely harder to give yourself everything you need, if not impossible. Humans are just not built that way. So, your sadness is warranted and real. I sadly don't have a solution, because despite being in a relationship, I'm sad about not having found my true “tribe”. We all need a multitude of relationships to be happy and I mourn the lack of non-romantic bonds the same way others might mourn the lack of a romantic one. You are not alone in your feelings. It seems that many people struggle with loneliness these days. Social skills have eroded. I often don't know what else to do other than keep on hoping that the people who are meant to be in my life will find me one day.
I feel this deeply too. I'd love a high value life partner but high value people are so rare. I feel like an alien on my own planet and can't relate to people my age (26)
Oh me too girl. I never was really active on SM due to anxiety when I was younger, and now just because I find it unhelpful. People simply forget you exist. Even family
I have seen this coming up before in different ways. It seems to be a normal part of the leveling up journey. After one has pruned back the LV people there is bound to be something of a gap left. Those people gave us something, after all, even if that something wasn't good enough, or we would not have entertained them in our lives at all.
The loneliness could be twofold; that we are used to company which isn't around any more, and also it tells us that we seek companionship.
When we advise focusing on skills and hobbies it's not only because they are beneficial for us, but because they help us meet new people and gain new experiences. They aren't always a goal to achieve of themselves. Are your hobbies group based or individual? For example, it's healthy to go out for walks and it's a fine hobby, but it's even better to find a rambling group. Then you can meet people and find new walks.
When you think of companionship, do you include women or is this just about men?
I am living the same existence in Chicago. You are not alone.
I'm just seeing this post and just wanna say I can relate to the loneliness. For me its been even longerrr celibate, cause I've just had enough of guys. Especially about the social media part. I deactivated mine for a bit and still want to hide, but I really need it for connections since I'm in a new city and it's how everyone at my job (which I love) socialises. It's true tho that noone even notices when you go away or don't post. I just can't bring myself to post.
I sympathize with your plight. It simply doesn't feel natural for me to not have a male companion. 😞