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I'm currently working on going into a new career so I'm working remotely as an intern in a company that's in the industry I want to get into. I'm looking to get a full-time job in a bigger company but I'm very worried that I will not get a good job or a job at all because I'm in my late 20s and am entering this industry with limited experience in the field, after deciding on a career change.
Not working in an office doesn't allow me meet and interact with people so the only time I see people is when I go and get my hair done or when I go to church or to see my parents. A lot of my friends live and work in other countries so I don't have a lot of local friends who I can see often and over the years, I've lost a number of friends who sadly let their insecurities with themselves make them envious of me. Many stopped being friends with me because of this and I stopped being friends with some others because of their mean behaviour (some wouldn't include me in group events, some showed that they weren't happy for me when good things happened in my life and recently, a friend that lives in the same city as me, decided not to invite me to her birthday party, despite inviting another mutual friend and other friends. When this mutual friend told me about the party, I asked my friend who didn't invite me why I wasn't invited and she claimed that she "forgot"). My entire life, I've had female friends be more competitive with me than just be a friend. I've always wanted a group of girlfriends who support and love one another but I've been pretty unlucky in the friend department.
Lastly, a lot of the people I know and grew up with are getting married, growing in their careers and just moving up in life and while I'm very happy for them, it makes me feel worried that I'm being left behind. I'm not in a hurry to be married but not having a lot of friends and not being sure about landing a job that pays well has me feeling very worried and lonely. Not getting a good job scares me because I'm in my late 20s and am entering an industry with limited experience. The entry-level jobs and internships I see ask for 3-4 years work experience which I don't have. I also feel that it has gotten much harder to meet and make friends with genuine people. The few times I've met people and ask for their phone numbers, I end up contacting them first and very quickly, we stop talking because they never reciprocate my interest. I just don't what to do.
I would really appreciate it if you all, my fellow FDSers, could please give me advice on what I can do to get a good job and how I can meet and make good quality friends.
Hey. If you have limited experience focus on your willingness to work hard and prove yourself and back it up. Reach out directly to managers who do the hiring on LinkedIn. Send them a message after applying online to let them know you submitted your resume, you are very keen on the position and hoping that you will have a chance to interview. You can include a few lines about what stands out about their company and why you felt you’d be able to do the job well. Remember they are looking for people who care about the job and believe they will perform well. Follow up after interviews and apply Like it’s your job until you find a position that suits.
as for friends I don’t believe I have enough detail on the envious thing, but it’s clear you felt excluded with your friends. You know these people but if there is a connection and you feel it’s worthwhile. Perhaps open up a conversation by asking if there is something you’ve done or some way you act that has bothered her? Not saying even if she has a response that it’s legit or valid but I think understanding why is going on is good. Better to know than to guess in my mind anyway.
if you’re looking for new friends it’s tough. I find making friends more difficult than dates because people are motivated to partner but less motivated to make friends. I must admit this seems more of a female thing. If you do meet someone you are interested in as a friend then maybe it’s worth being the one to ask them to do things, ask if they like to grab a coffee, lunch, come over for food (you cook or have pizza). And just get to know them. people get busy in their late twenties so if they aren’t lonely they Might not be as motivated to ‘make’ friends. if you spend time together over time usually a connection is built, but it takes some time.
Last thought about marriage. It’s always a bit of a miracle, there is always a bit of luck or magic to meet someone and you both have the maturity and morals / sincerity etc to make the relationship and good will last. People meet on city buses (my parents) they meet in their neighborhood. They meet at bbqs. Jobs. All sorts of places. What I am saying is these little miracles, accidents, what-are-the-odds events do happen but they are out of control. All that is in our control is our character and who we are, but like I said people meet people all the time you don’t have to make it happen.
I say this hoping it’s actually comforting that you could be doing everything to increase the odds and nothing happen, or sitting at home and leaving for a walk and meet a new man randomly.
to change the scenery Maybe go to a Starbucks where you can sit and work Or apply places. In life we have half the work, but the other half happens to us, but opportunities and people are all around us. this might be a lull, there will be better less lonely times again. You’ll feel in love, warm, surrounded by people at other times in your life up ahead I promise. So just try to do some small things to get by for now. Hugs.
If you can get involved in a sport, I have found women's sports communities to be really supportive and fun. Except road biking. Fast road bikers are mean, ime. But, female mountain bikers, skiers/snowboarders, longboarders, soccer teams, paddle boarders are all fun inclusive communities where people are there to have a good time and make each other better.
I've never had the issue with female friends being competitive, are you constantly bringing up work, salary and education? That might make others feel inadequate, try bringing up non competitive topics lol. Otherwise I really recommend the ice rink. Not only is ice skating tremendous exercise, but you'll meet tons of women to be friends with. Casual skaters, ice dancers, figure skaters, gay men galore, and cute hockey players. Really easy to meet people too when the Zamboni hits the ice and everyone is waiting around, and you're all in one place for like two hours doing something fun and challenging.
Oh hun I’ll be your girlfriend :) You appear to be such a hardworking and caring person and I relate to everything you have put and I’m pretty sure I can help you feel better. I’m almost 40 and started my new career 3yrs ago. I haven’t much experience in my line of work either. This torments me also. I also have 6 more years of academia before I get where I want to go. I joke that I’ll probably be a pensioner by the time I get there 🤣 I have no quality friends as I feel I wasn’t benefiting and totally competitiveness too. I’m a single parent to 3 kids and a failed marriage. But the way I see it is…life is about the journey not the destination and it is never too late for anything. That is what I am learning in my almost 40 years on earth. A quote I love is: ‘It doesn’t matter how slow you go. All that matters is you don’t stop’ You got this Queen 🙌
This is my favourite resource on making friends: the video "how to be more social" by Vanessa Van Edwards. She has lots of other great videos, but it's a good starting point 😀 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf5STE2VJKI oh there is literally one with tips on meeting new people: https://youtu.be/m4gWMTDaxKk
As for the job...try focusing on what you have the most experience in already and building on that?
I don’t have a ton of advice but I wanted to say I am in my late twenties too and I understand how you feel. The world does not prepare you for this stage of your life, navigating change and loneliness. If you ever need someone to chat with, I’m here! Especially seeing everyone get married and start families, it really makes me feel like a child sometimes - so far behind and lost. Maybe try taking up a dance class to meet other women? I’ve been doing dance with a friend, while I haven’t met any people I would hang out with, having the structure and being a part of a community really got me out of a dark place. Know there are tons of options for you, the hardest part is just starting and getting out there.
Honestly, your excitement about working for that company should shine through in your communication with hiring personnel For example, a role at our company was filled not by the most qualified individual but rather the most excited and most, “trainable” candidate