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I've been reflecting lately about the type of friendships I keep attracting into my life and how I kept accepting poor behavior just so I wouldn't be "alone" or friendless. So now I want to start leveling up the type of people I attract into my life, but I realized that I don't even know what a good friend looks like?
So what do your best friendships look like? What qualities do they have that make them good friends and add value to your life?
For example, if something bad happens to you, how do they react? Do they do something about it?
How often do they reach out to you? Do you talk often or only once in a while, but whenever you do, it feels like y'all just talked yesterday?
How do you feel around them in general?
examples of some of the things that i really appreciated from my friends:
Friend rallied my other friends to surprise visit my house and everyone started helping me do household chores so that I could chill
Friends brought breakfast to my house when I was down
Keep initiating to meet up even though I was trying to keep a distance (they didn’t do anything wrong) but when I didn’t want to meet and made excuses, they gave me the space I wanted and checked in a few weeks later
Much richer friends roped me into some investments (no, not scam lol) and I reaped the highest profits I have ever earned
But tbh, most of it is nothing grandeur, most of it is really being there consistently. Consistency is key. We talk maybe once every few months for those more “lifelong” type of friends! More than enough for me!
A good friend is simply someone who thinks about your needs and your wants, and then does what they can to make your life better. The specific instances here sound wonderful, but they are not everyday. And as Hi Bye commented: consistency! A HV friend is someone you can rely upon.
I drive and my flatmate does not. When I go to the farmshop and she is unavailable, I might bring her home the baked treat she loves. Or when I'm sick she'll make sure I have all the meds I need, and then walk to the shop if I don't. She'll also pick up smoothies or soups, because I'll only be drinking fluids. I buy her pain meds on her period. Or we might say to each other "I'm going to the supermarket / into town, is there anything you need?" We cook twice a week for each other to encourage healthy habits with an awareness of each other's schedules. If she's had a long day and I haven't that makes it my turn to cook.
Equally, when we need space, we can simply say so and retreat peacefully.
This is just care, consistency, thoughtfulness and appreciation, flowing in both directions.
The best dating advice is also the best friend advice: go out and do the things YOU like to do, and it’s there that you’ll find your people. I met them while doing: wellness retreats, traveling, workshops, classes, Pilates, etc. Whether you think it’s “I was in the process of bettering myself & this person was also interested in doing that” or law of attraction or both doesn’t matter. If you get a vibe to walk up to someone or you have easy banter with someone, trust it. It’s the same feeling we had as kids on the playground. I have gotten services from ppl while on the glow up (nails/hair/facials/laser hair removal etc) and that “forced feeling small talk” can actually become friends if you find you like someone! I get the argument to distance from low vibe friends and that’s true, but another take is that the grass is greenest when you water it. We value what we invest in. I have some friends going on 10 yrs that have made LV relationship decisions at times but not that way the majority of the time. Our friendship(s) are HV in how we treat one another. Some Sex & the City “friends are our real soulmates” shit. To me, if you find someone who will encourage you to pursue the highest version of yourself while still loving you when you feel your lowest that’s a real one.
Oh. So many. 1. She had carried cough syrup and fed me on schedule during a trip as I was visiting from a colder country. Her husband is the same. They are God send in my life. 2. As my mum was working, she wasn't able to make a 4 pm meal before music lessons. My friend took note of it, and everytime I met her, her mum ensured to pack me meals. So much that my mum was annoyed in the end. Haha. 3. I can't even draw a straight line if I had to save my life. So, during a meltdown examination for an arts lesson, she sat down to appreciated me art. In hindsight, I wasn't bad at all but needed the focus. Today I draw and paint. Lol. 4. I had to take an RT-PCR test and that was during an extremely cold rainy winter night like at 10:00 pm if I can remember. To top it all, next day was vacation day so the car was getting delivered to me after service before going to the airport. She doesn't drive yet but that didn't stop her to take the bus with me during the extreme climate back and forth. One of many such incidents. 5. I was crying this April due to the extreme heat in my country. He made sure I had enough coolants for my body on me daily. He wasn't even invited to the wedding I was attending, but travelled for a whole month to deliver it just because he lived in the city some 30 odd km away. ( In my country, weddings are a month long sometimes). There's like so many that I can fill a novel but since I am actually writing one, this should suffice for your question. And, oh, they are all different individuals.
Empathetic and encouraging. People who won’t invalidate. It would be great if people stepped in to help but I don’t think many people could help me with the thing I could use help with if I think about it. It’s just great someone is socially intelligent and caring enough not to minimize problems but also tell you they are confident in you and remind you of your successes.