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Hello fellow FDS users, I'm a young woman in her early twenties and I've been wondering about certain aspect of my life.
First off, I'm 100% a virgin as in I've never had sex, kissed, dated, or even had a crush on anyone. For context, be aware that I've spent most of my childhood and part of my teenage years being both fat, ugly, bullied, and frankly badly dressed due to the ''Why even try to groom myself if I'm ugly anyway? It's like putting lipstick on a pig'' mentality.
On top of all that I was quite introverted and insecure, and most boys in high school treated me horribly due to my appearance and my personality, so dating was not even an option for me for many years and I'd not have wanted to go near those cruel guys anyway.
These past few years I've been working on improving myself: I've been dealing with my depression, I've worked two jobs, I'm going to university, and I've lost a lot of weight plus started taking care of my appearance more. I quite like the improvement (despite being average-looking, but I'm okay with that), but now I'm twenty-something in uni and I'm realising that I literally have no clue how romantic or even purely sexual relationships work (not interested in casual sex, but still).
I've never had a crush in my life, let alone fallen in love with anyone. I know I can get aroused (it's mostly through reading some romantic novels and sometimes even over a really well done and romantic sex scene on tv), but I've never done anything about it, whether with a man or even on my own.
No, I've never masturbated before and frankly at this point I don't know how to go about it. I've also hated my body for so long that the idea of trying to explore it on my own was put out of my mind for a very long time. I've started to like the way my body looks now, but it's still very difficult to get over my past body image issues (aka being self-aware of the fact that I was fat).
I don't want to try to have ONS, and in my uni degree we're 90% women (which I like but unfortunately I'm pretty sure I'm heterosexual) but that also makes it so I don't even cross across young men I can even find myself interested in (never happened before, but who knows). I can't help but feel both childish and inadequate over my lack of experience at my age, when quite a few of my friends have already had at least one partner or some sexual experiences.
Do any of you have any piece of advice about ways to explore your sexuality/romantic life without resorting to hook ups? Does anyone else find herself in a similar situation? I'd appreciate reading your thoughts, tbh.
omgyes.com could be a good place to start regarding masturbation.
Hook ups will teach you nothing about your sexuality or romance. They’re the most basic form of human contact. Romance requires connection.
My main advice would be to remind you that you don’t owe anyone your story. You have plenty of time and nothing to justify. Keep levelling up for you and just be curious (while vetting hard).
I've never had an orgasm through any hookup anyway esp since most men are horrible in bed. You are so much better off getting a good vibrator and discovering what you like on your own
Get a cute lingerie outfit that you like, it might make you feel better about your body and yourself. If you are starting to like how your body looks, a nice outfit will make you like it even more. You could get a bra and knicker set, a pretty nightgown, or anything that you like. You don't have to be skinny to be attractive, men date and marry curvy women all the time. There is beauty in curves, dont be fooled by western beauty standards. If you want to explore your sexuality without losing virginity, you need to start with giving yourself an orgasm. It is very unlikely you will orgasm by hooking up anyway. Find out how you orgasm (can you orgasm only through clitoral stimulation like most of us, or can you orgasm through vaginal stimulaton as well). This could help you find out what parts of your body you like and make you feel more attractive in your own skin. Then once you learn how to give yourself an orgasm you can explore any potential erogenous zones on your body too. I will tell the truth, you learn a lot about this from sexual experience. Thats how you find out erogenous zones, what feels good and what feels awful, what parts of men (or whatever you're attracted to) you find attractive. If youve not even giving yourself an orgasm then you have a lot to explore.