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I'm just totally done with the concept of dating/relationships/marriage. Although I have been burned in the past (haven't we all as women?) this isn't coming from a place of hurt as I've had time and space to process and recover from that pain and trauma. It's coming from a place of disinterest as the idea of dating or having a relationship/marriage bores me and also strikes me as totally useless and unappealing- more trouble than it's worth. I've been single for 3 years and I just get happier alone as time goes on. I've truly come to the point where I see marriage as a patriarchal institution for the oppression of women, to control our reproduction and labour, that doesn't benefit us in any way. Sexual desire is biological, sure, but relationships/marriage, in my opinion, are not. Romantic "love" is so overrated. If you believe in it and want it though, by all means go for it, I'm not trying to convince anyone! I've realised that my life is full enough with my career, studies (working towards Masters then PhD) and family as a single mother by choice, expecting my second baby any day now. The existence of sperm donors, and realising that you are capable of raising a child on your own, sure make men seem irrelevant to parenting and reproductive decisions 😂. I know this makes engaging with FDS kind of pointless, why do you need a dating strategy if you're not dating? But this is the only real community of feminists I've been able to find lately and I really appreciate it! So my question is, do any of you feel the same, are you done with dating? Does that mean your days on FDS are over? Where to from here?
I've done a fair bit of engaging with feminist discourse online and watching feminist lectures, but have never read a feminist book!! There are so many out there I don't know where to start. Which book would you recommend as a starter?
I watched the show Maid recommended on here and I absolutely loved it. It was true to my own experience of DV while also making me so sad to see the lack of social / government support for poor women & children in the US. The only reason she went back to him is because of how poorly she was supported to make it on her own!! My heart went out to her because I probably would have done the same. I have to say we have it so much better in Australia when it comes to financial support for single mothers escaping DV. When fleeing DV with a baby and no job I was able to rent a decent house and pay for quality child care so that I could study at university full-time with welfare and subsidies. Sadly the court system here is just as bad in punishing DV victims. Any other recommendations for FDS/feminist aligned shows/movies?
Thanks ladies 😊
I kinda feel you on this! In my mind FDS is more than just dating, I find it invaluable for overall life tips and so uplifting, so even if I'm not actively dating I still love listening and participating 😊
Same. Not dating and don’t want to. Here for the male-free space.
Highly recommend the writings of Bell Hooks.
I gave up dating back in 2015 after being ghosted by my boyfriend right after Christmas. That was the last straw for me in terms of men just not GAF about me as a human being. And every time I "come out of retirement" and give a new guy a chance, it's just more evil scrotery. They're getting worse and worse not better. I don't read any feminist books. I came about this knowledge and attitude from being in the Army and working in construction since 1995. I don't see any benefits of being with a man, since they're just so fickle, abusive, entitled, selfish, etc. What has a man ever done for me besides make me cry? I'm too old to be crying over some jerk. I don't have the patience, and every bad date I've had, all I can think to myself is how I lost thise hours where I could have gone to the gym, practiced my opera roles, taken a nap, etc. They took my time and my heart and made it seem like it was worthless, so I return the favor by keeping to myself. I'm on FDS just to write some of my experiences down so that other women can see it's not their fault that men behave so badly. It took me until about age 40 before I realized I wasn't doing anything to deserve the abuse I received.
I am not dating and do not foresee doing it any time soon or in the near future. I am here for the inspiring women, the radical feminism, and the self-growth support and information. If I organically meet a HVM, then I'll be open to it. If not, I intend to make my life as full and enriching as possible. I recommend bell hooks, particularly All About Love and Communion. Audre Lorde and Andrea Dworkin are also great.
Older woman here, widowed six years. I’m passively on OLD dating on Facebook but engage maybe once or twice a week when I get “like” notifications. I won’t marry a third time and won’t live with a man again. I’d like companionship but if I never find any, no biggie. This community is sustaining. It’s always a pleasure learning new things about the whys and hows of human behavior. Color me endlessly fascinated even if I’m not actively dating.
I really liked the book "The Revolution from Within" by Gloria Steinem. It is a self-help book but I recall there being feminist themes and history as well
I recommend reading Mary Daly's Gyn/Ecology. Mary Daly was a true radical feminist and I found her book to be so inspiring... sad at times, but inspiring and uplifting too.
I’m in a long term relationship so not actively dating but here because I really appreciate the sisterhood here - I’ve loved reading Rebecca Solnit and Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche for their feminist fiction and non fiction writings
I am also SO grateful for FDS, whether I ever date again or not. For now I am happily content to be single.
I could recommend a slew of feminist books, but my 2 most eye-opening favorites are:
1. When God was a Woman - by Merlin Stone (woman author); according to archeological evidence, the Divine was originally a woman/creator/mother all throughout the Fertile Crescent and the cradle of humanity; women controlled resources and property, and did not marry or take men as partners at ALL; blood lines of course went through the mother (duh!), and status was attained by being a wise, helpful, generous woman (not by power or ruthlessness). It wasn’t until the emigration of aggressive northern men that religion was re-cast with a male god, and myths of ”deceitful” women like Eve were used as propaganda to throw down women’s power and make them chattel, forced to marry men and reproduce for the benefit of “male lineage,” and change women's natural creative energy and our fabulous fertile bodies into unclean vessels to be controlled and shamed
2. I Hate Men - by Pauline Harmange; France attempted to ban this book (the author is French and it’s translated to English. I love the French’s no-nonsense attitudes about the dark truths of life!). “Women, especially feminists and lesbians, have long been accused of hating men. Our instinct is to deny it at all costs. (After all, women have been burnt at the stake for admitting to less.)
But what if mistrusting men, disliking men - and yes, maybe even hating men - is, in fact, a useful response to sexism? What if such a response offers a way out of oppression, a means of resistance? What if it even offers a path to joy, solidarity and sisterhood?” - quote from the publisher.
Both of these books shifted the ground under my feet, in very helpful and powerful ways. I hope they help others too. 😊
Ovarit is another women friendly space where I find like-minded women. Other than that, I have made some friends online through what I do... Because we kind of share that. And now we sometimes talk on discord. I wouldn't recommend any discord servers, it's just that we use that app to talk. I met those women on a different site, related to my hobbies. Also I have found the radfem/gender critical groups on Twitter: it started with me seeing all the disproportionate hate Amber Heard received, then searching for different opinions, finding Amber Heard support accounts on Twitter.... Through them, I discovered Feminist Twitter. Apparently some women also use Mumsnet (but I'm not a Mum and I'm not British, so I decided not to make an account there). There's a few feminist youtube channels I follow... I could give links?