Don't feel like talking to men, anymore. DAE feel like this?

I feel the exact same way! Especially with that new story about that sick, depraved man using OLD to lure and torture women!

I am going through divorce + custody with my abusive, rapist narcissist ex. I am so deep in recovery and in so many women-only spaces and everyone in my healing journey is a woman (my women's groups, my therapist, my DV advocate, my legal team, my friends). Why the fuck would I willingly want to be around a man? Speak to them in any capacity? I do have a good relationship with my dad but he is a devout Buddhist and non-threatening at all levels. Men are so grotesque to me nowadays.

I totally get it. Most men I've ever talked to have nothing to offer or have downright disturbing viewpoints. My most fulfilling conversations have been with women (and the one exception, my partner). At social gatherings I always prefer talking to women. Somehow they also flock to me, lol. Most average men tend to be turned off by me anyway because I have resting bitch face, I don't applaud/validate typical bro behaviors and interests, I tend to be loud and outspoken as opposed to agreeable and "nice", and I'm taken, so all the sexual opportunists weed themselves out right away. This used to be different when I laughed at all the dudes' jokes and flaunted my stereotypically "masculine" interests. These days I want to repel men and attract women (platonically). ETA: I don't think you need to get "out" of this mindset. Of course it limits your options to meet men, but you don't want to deal with all the trash out there anyway. Good men can still find their way into your life because they're not the kind that raises your heckles. I remember, when I first met my boyfriend, I was struck by how authentically warm and gentle he was. He had a totally different energy than all the other scrotes. Trust your instincts.

Oh yeah, I've been going on 3 years of this and I don't see that ending anytime soon. Anytime some rando approaches me I have to work to keep from scowling at them and running away.

Some toothless dude complimented my hair in the gas station yesterday (I needed fuel treatment otherwise I wouldn't have even gone inside, my aversion is so bad I actively avoid places I know there will be men) and I just said thank you without turning around or otherwise acknowledging him. I could tell the young man cashier thought I was a total bitch even though I was nothing but polite to him.

Even the decent looking ones that I could be attracted to I am repulsed as soon as they start flirting with me. It's all about 'how soon can I get this one to put out?' and it's SOOOOO OBVIOUS. Just immediate ick.

I'm not worried about dating in the future. It may or may not ever happen, and what will be will be so I'm not going to stress out about it. I'm putting all that energy that would have been wasted on trash men into building my dream life. Maybe one day when I'm bored (hahaha, like that's ever going to happen!) I'll dip my toe into the scum pit that is dating. But today is not that day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either! And I'm perfectly fine with that.

I have felt like this. I honoured this feeling, went deeply into my own heart, sheltered myself from harm, and eventually the feeling passed. I was able to re-engage with (select) men in a way that felt safe for me. My advice is to honour what your mind and body are telling you, and be patient and gentle with yourself. Nothing is forever unless you decide it is so; you can re-engage if you want when it feels right for you.

You sound like you need a hiatus- the dating detox is amazing. Especially from online platforms, your first detox is usually the longest (bc you are recovering from a longer exposure)

I always prefer real life interactions to online ones, especially with men. Don't worry at all about how you come across online to men. Online interaction is a hollow echo of real life connection, all the mental highs and lows and none of the bonding at the end of the day.

I 100% feel like this and I'm not going to beat myself up about it anymore. My reasoning for why I don't want to engage with them beyond a professional setting is based on my horrific past experiences with them. I keep them all at a distance now. I was never an introvert, but the way they take up space in this world and their sheer amount of entitlement has pushed me to stay in more than I go out. I'm not interested in dating anymore due to their abuse. If you still want to date, then you may need to speak to a therapist or trusted friends to help get you out of this rut. Maybe let men engage with you to a level you're comfortable with and then reassess where your boundaries are so you can move them to a place where romantic relations are possible. Little by little. It doesn't have to be done all at once.

I am in the same boat as you at moment! I dont want to talk to any man, I dont want a notification on my phone from them, I dont want to see them IRL, i dont want to have a conversation.

My options for meeting a man IRL is limited, my best option is OLD. But just thinking about having an dating app on my phone gives me anxiety at the moment. What picture should I choose, what bio should I write, I need to prepare myself for the inevitable avalanche of shitty misogynistic comments. I am not up for it anymore. I am out.

I think its just a phase for me. Walking thru mud, dirt and shit - just to meet my man, is not something I am willing to do anymore.

I also want to meet a nice man to date. But I think I will want to do that in due time. For me its important to just let myself have my phase, and then I will be done with it.

I am getting like this myself. Any time a man approaches me I think to myself, "What is this man trying to use me for?" Because every man who approaches you, is approaching you because they think you have whatever they need to fulfill to their needs. Men never talk to you without an agenda. I fear I will never date again. Idk. I keep the hope alive that there will be ONE good man out there for me. But idk. Idk.

Are you talking about face to face conversations or online?

I'd recommend taking up some hobbies that get you out of the house and meeting people. Then you can talk about things to men...and women.

If you're socially awkward I recommend the videos by Vanessa Van Edwards on youtube. Great stuff.

100%. I’m done with getting a boyfriend and I’m done with male friends. I have decided for a while that my circle will only consist of women from now on

If your experience is that men only talk to you because they want something, honor your experience.

I actually prefer to solo travel in UAE and the Balkans because men don’t get upset if you are “cold/reserved”. It’s the one benefit of “traditional/conservative” cultures. PUBLICLY men are not pushy with strange women and they don’t expect friendliness. But in Western Europe and America, men will claim that you are a bitch for not smiling back at them. Its always white men in Westeen Europe and USA who try to micro touch me to push my boundaries because they feel entitled to “the benefit of the doubt” that their touch is friendly.

I wear headphones to discourage men from talking to me. A man even walked up and tried to take them off of my head. I had NEVER met him before. Men still interrupt and then ask why I am wearing headphones. They go out of their way to waste my time by asking me on dates and then telling me they want something casual.🤦🏽‍♀️ I only talk to men now out of necessity. If I meet one in my network and he doesn’t annoy me, I’ll reconsider my position.

I wonder if it is because you sense something transactional when men approach you (like they want to tell you things but not reciprocate by asking about you)?

You're not alone. I've lost interest in dating because the men on OLD apps are just awful.

I do with everyone lol, but definitely with men like 2x more lol. Men are just super exhausting, it's okay if you don't want to mingle with our oppressors🩷