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So I've realized that I don't really have a reason to continue to live in the state I'm in after leaving my LVM partner of 6.5 years... I'm kicking him out in about 7 days. I don't even like our state, really know anyone here, and work entirely online. Now that I'm in my mid 20s, I have a nice savings built up, and think it's time to move to the state that I've always wanted to live in - my dream school is out there, it's beautiful, and the men there also happen to fit my personal views a lot more closely than the men where I live now.
I know that I need at least a few months before putting myself out there again (though tbf, I've been planning to leave and leveling up like mad for a full year in preparation of this breakup, so at the moment at least, I feel like I'll be ready sooner rather than later), but I've been wondering if anyone else has any experience with OLD with men out of state (I live in the US)? I make well over 6 figures, and would only want to date a man who makes around the same or more, so I assumed that I could get on one or two sites, have a profile up, and if I meet someone nice, I'll have the distance and time and peace that I need to get to know a scrotation at my own pace.
Then, if they want to visit me, they certainly can (I don't want to pay for plane tickets - I figured them making the effort to come get a hotel in my town would be a good vetting tactic), and if things are going well, I can see more of them when I move.
Has anyone ever successfully done anything like this?
EDIT: So here's some important information since people in the comments have asked - I did not leave my SO for the year that I was leveling up because I literally couldn't. My income wasn't what it is now, I lived in an incredibly dangerous neighborhood (and have since moved us somewhere nicer), did not own a vehicle, and a number of other things, because I came from homelessness around the time we met. I had to build a huge savings and financially dis-entangle myself from him because I have literally no family to fall back on in case anything goes wrong (I became homeless as a teen thanks to abusive or absent parents). It's easy to say on paper that it wouldn't take a year, but the Handbook doesn't have a section for my type of trauma, lack of familial connections. etc.
My plan was not to just up and start dating as soon as we broke up, but within the next 6 months or so - I feel like starting sooner is fine, because we've literally not been sleeping in the same bed for 2 years at this point. I need to work through the feelings I have to deal with with ending things with my partner, but I'd already started doing that; I've been in therapy for 7 years with a total of 3 therapists, and my most recent one of 2 years and I have been targeting loneliness and living solo before this breakup even began being initiated. She's been specifically trying to get me to this point. I was planning on using dating apps to begin casually starting a scrotation, but I've also been joining Discords to make (platonic) friends in the area as well. I don't have the foggiest on trying to make a lady friend group out in the new state, but I'm trying, before moving out there.
I agree with the other ladies, you're moving way too fast. Kick out the scrote, move to the new state, and only once you've settled into you new home should you start to worry about dating someone new. Right now, you're in a transitional period, which means you're more likely to make rash decisions. There's no hurry to get a scrotation going, they ain't going anywhere 😅
HVM who make six figures aren’t using apps to find dates
In my opinion Your plans dont make sense in terms of dating. First of all, you haven’t even broken up and you are already thinking of dating. Second, you have been in a relationship for a long time so you are not aware of the dating scene out there, therefore I will tell you to be very cautious because dating has become very wild and dangerous, especially on OLD. OLD is horrible and it’s like finding a diamond in the trash. I wouldn’t use if I were you. Long distance relationship also does not work. You can’t ver or get to know a man in a Long distance relationship. Also Men from OLD don’t even buy you a coffee, let alone buy your tickets to see you.
I have had men travel to meet me, yes, but I wasn't in the process of moving. Dating and moving sounds stressful. I don't blame you if you make a profile to look around at what's out there though.
As another commenter said OLD men are feral now. Just beware of red flags. Most are shit flinging psychopaths right off the bat, sometimes even in their profiles lol.
Congrats on how far you've made it, it feels good leveling up from living out of a backpack to having money, doesn't it? I been there. ❤
Just wanna say, you're not alone. I moved to a totally different place, and I'm not bothering with the apps with the amount of dog shit on there. I had to save up a lot before I moved on and had to get better financially. People forget a lot of women don't always have great mobility options esp. if they're working class or lower. Getting to 6 figures in any industry is hard ass work. Take some time to really think about what you want. A lot of thoughts will come up to the surface. Feel free to reach out to me if you want a discord friend to socialize. : )
Men can smell it on you when you think you need them for protection or help, and they prey on that. Ask me how I know! Prioritize your own safety and security, not finding a man. Even would-be women friends can tell your main modus operandi is fear, and people will exploit that.
The need for romantic love and social/emotional connection is completely legitimate, but put it on the backburner.
You will have to be your own support system. It's great you have savings! You have financial security. When you move, focus on physical security: get alarms for your new place, assess how easy it would be for someone to break in, make a plan for if you need physical help with a task or because you are hurt or in danger, find a good mechanic, learn where the ER is, get a firearm and practice using it, get to know your neighbors.
DO NOT let new guys know your address or come over.
Next, focus on emotional and social security. It's important to make good connections, but it's just as important to keep bad people out. When you do go out to make new friends, just remember everyone can smell that fear on you, and if they're bad, they will take advantage.
I've found that because my not nice family taught me only how to interact with not nice people, I seek out other people who turn out to be not nice, because that's what I know how to do.
It's been hard work learning to protect myself, since no one has ever protected me.
Also, men suck literally worldwide, literally every place on earth. It just comes out in different ways of suck.
I think in this situation it might be easier to vet men in person, even if you meet them online, and you’ll give yourself the break from men that you need. If you have a LV live in partner right now, even if you’ve been planning to leave, there’s going to be a weird void in your life post-breakup. The shock of no longer coming home to someone/sharing a bed/constant company is real, and I’ve seen women rush into some painfully mediocre relationships if they don’t first make sure their life is full without men before introducing a new man. Especially after moving to a new state, where you don’t have your girl group of queens yet, LVM can sneak in under the radar when they’re not competing with your future amazing friends, incredible career, and school.
Why didn’t you kick him to the curb anytime in the last year you’ve been planning this?