Do you feel like prey in your own home?

It's so sad! I remember as a teen I worried about not being "enough" for a man and that a man would settle for me when he wanted someone different. People (not living in this clown world) told me no, he won't be with you if he doesn't want you. Fast forward to now, and women are literally being conditioned to accept being the consolation prize for a man, any man. To accept in our heart of hearts we can maybe work hard and become the "Madonna" of his madonna-whore complex, but we will never be the sexy "whore" he wants like what he can get online. I remember being told I was immature and controlling for being uncomfortable with porn, and that men "need" to entertain fantasies of novel women. Essentially, peers, media, and grooming older generations lectured me and my friends that no matter who he was with, a man will look up porn for a woman that looks like the opposite of her.

As someone who can sustain attraction if I have a genuine connection/am treated well, I was horrified and it broke me to learn I was "supposed to" accept less and less from men in adulthood. My generation and I have been conditioned to feel "bitchy" if we don't want to be a bangmaid in a loveless, mediocre relationship with a man who calls us "bruh" and compliments other women but not us. We are told to smile and build up their egos when they verbally pick apart our bodies. This is the "new normal" according to them. I am tired, and thank goodness FDS has validated this cultural abuse of women for standard shaming us, and shaming me out of my instincts around these types of men. We are told to praise men for low effort. If a man of reasonable means shows up to a date in tattered clothes, or with poor hygiene we are supposed to praise him because "at least he got dressed!" I could never deal with a pornsick man again,; they act like they have a huge harem of women and like we should feel "lucky" to be a placeholder.

Right. Apparently men are supposed to be chemically turned off by a woman crying. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-good-life/201101/tears-and-testosterone

Porn undoes all of that and conditions them to have more pleasure at our pain. A lot don't even bother asking for "consent," and even if they did, or a woman asked for it, anyone who would consent is likrly self harming or re creating trauma. I just can't deal with this creepy serial killer garbage from pornsick men. And big porn just laughs with fistfuls of cash....

All the shit I've learned and have experienced for myself make me 1) not want to date, much less get married, 2) not have kids. There are other reasons but my god. That sub is rough. So is XXchromosomes.

Wow that is absolutely revolting!!! I'm not surprised to hear that there is a similarity there, all abusive men seem to be reading out of the same disgusting playbook... The similarities are also revealed in the book "Why Does He Do That?"

I am so so happy you got out too but sorry you also have to deal with the residual trauma that shit has probably caused for you. Really breaks my heart that women deal with this sort of thing all the time but are convinced by society that it's acceptable.

Thank you for your kind words 💜 you put it perfectly - it really is like all these men were given the same handbook at birth in how to abuse women!

I have been meaning to read "Why Does He Do That?" And found the PDF online but I have to be honest I was a bit intimidated by the length! Do you recommend certain selections/chapters of the book to get started, or do I just need to strap in and read cover to cover?

Try the audiobook. It’s great. And yes it’s a must read recommendation

What you say about the spiritual is important. Overall, I feel that so many men are soulless, so unconnected to anything deeper in life. It's unsettling to me.

What's funny is Princella says that men don't love and at first I balked at that but when I listened to her explain it I realized she's right. It's not love in the way we think of it, at all.

It's a huge factor, these kinds of behaviours are the result of a total lack of accountability to anything other than their own inflated, deluded egos.

I told my ex I wanted to get up early and do yoga… he said something along the lines of “when you bend over I’m going to f*%^ you.”

I never did yoga in that house.

We are objects to them. I just want to play with my toy! Why is it talking back to meeee

Maaann, I think that's how I saw it too. That my man was so in love with me, that he can't keep his hands off me. Wow, how naive I was to the males nature. But did have one strong boundary of not sucking, touching my nipples because of having breast reconstruction surgery at 19. Since then my nipples get very painful if touched at all. But of course he would try to suck on them each time we would have sex. I would push him away. Tell him on repeat to not touch my nipples. One day I had to SCREAM at him cause he wasnt listening. And I even got violent because he just wouod not respect that was NOT pleasurable to me. It freaking HURT!!! I had my nipples surgically removed then stitched back on, and since then there has been zero good feeling and all pain if handled. But he didn't GAF. Because it wasn't about my pleasure. It was about HIS pleasure. I wish tits were viewed as any other part of the body. Like an elbow or something. But he would also grab my ass and make it shake constantly. That didn't hurt so I didn't get as pissed, but it was still extremely annoying. Another day I yelled at him that he needs to stop grabbing me all together. There's no need to constantly be grabbing me when I'm doing other stuff that has nothing to do with sex.

Spray him in the eyes with a perfume bottle. Ok, maybe a water bottle. Or put coins in a soda can and shake it loud at him when he’s acting like a dog that needs to get down. Gonna act like an animal, then be prepared for obedience training. You can blow a whistle, too , and call time out like they do in sports. They make whistles that you can wear on your finger like a ring. Behavior modification training. No explanation or words necessary.

Yup, water spray bottle with maybe a tiny bit of alcohol to make it sting. POS.

I forgot about the lotion. Mine would do that too. But he had a foot fetish, so when I'd be drying off my feet, he'd stop dead in his track and just stare at me drying my feet.

I’m sorry, he made dildos out of TOILET PAPER TUBES? What in the actual fuck. The whole list you wrote is horrifying but that one in particular really turns my stomach. I’m so sorry you went through that. Please tell us that he’s your ex.