Discussion for the celibate ladies

you're not missing out. you're repulsed by men because you have standards, and there is no reason to be ashamed of that.

sbout the difficulties to get off by yourself, i totally understand. the same happens to me, also celibate for ~3 years, almost 4. i1ve never had good sexual experiences all my life because men are shit at sex adn have only traumatized me everytime i gave them a chance. so now i have intrusive thoughts everytime i try to masturbate. what helps me is imagining someone i feel attracted to. can be an actor, a singer or a real man. the problem is it can lead to limmerance. so i also avoid. and in the end i feel sexually frustrated, like you.

there is no easy way out of this situation. i'm basically just waiting for menopause to free me from desire and lead to eternal peace hahahaha

i think you can try to rewire your brain to feel pleasure without the need for connection? it sounds horrible, i know. but it would be nice to be able to enjoy sexual release from using a toy and without the need for a romantic attatchment to someone. it's not casual sex, it's masturbation made simple. no need for intricate storylines in my head.

Hey I was single for 3 years without flirting dating, let alone anything sexual. My sex drive actually disappeared and I did not really think about it much. Then I entered into a relationship once again and it was all back when I wanted it. Don’t worry. It’s there sleeping and will be back when you need it. :)

Also “should” statements are the best way to live an unhappy life. Who says you should have so much sex. We all thought, we would in a different place at our age in one way or another. Shoulds are the best way to get totally upset and worked up about it. You’re having a dry spell, so what? I recommend reading “intimate connections” by dr. Burns. It’s so encouraging

My attraction to males has rapidly declined. They’re like animals. From what I’ve seen them say, put out on the internet, the diabolical crimes they commit on a daily basis against women, children. It’s like a new news story everyday. I’ve lost attraction to them. I think I’m asexual.

No need to be ashamed! More people than you might realize are not having lots of partnered sex. Honestly, it's men who ought to be ashamed of the way they demand sex as if they are entitled to access the bodies of others. You simply want to find a way to satisfy yourself. That is perfectly healthy.

It's a bad idea to mix fantasy with reality, anyway, so it's for the best that you don't feel like fantasizing about anyone from real life.

The last thing you want is to develop a real crush on a real person based on nothing but ideas you have about them that exist only in your head.

Fiction written by someone else is someone else's fantasy, I also find it doesn't work 100% by itself. The problem isn't because it's "not real". It's simply very unlikely I would have the exact same turn-ons and turn-offs as a whole other person.

What I do is retain what works for me in my memory, take all these bits and pieces, and shape it into something more tailored to me in my own mind. I've been doing this for years; I have entire plotlines going on at this point. It's not high art, but it's not meant to be. The bits and pieces are not all from reading smut, either, regular books and movies and TV show will sometimes contribute something. Though not gonna lie, I have read some smut, too 😆

I don't mistake these flights of fancy for reality - all it needs to be is to feel emotionally honest. And it does feel more emotionally honest than anything I ever shared with a man, because I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks. These fantasies are for my mind only.

Allow yourself to relax and have fun with it. I regularly give myself multiple orgasms, without even using toys. Only hands and imagination. No man has ever satisfied me like this. It's so liberating!

You haven't even spoken to a man in years? Go speak to men. You'll be reminded of why it's almost always better to remain single and not talking with them. I've been celibate for twice as long as you, not for lack of giving men chances. I speak to men all the time and regularly get asked out. They always screw it up almost immediately.

Regarding the sex, it's only worth it if it's good sex. Something hard to come by if you're a straight woman anyway. I don't know how old you are but I'm in my 40's. In that time, sexual desire has come and gone. It's very cyclical. I wouldn't worry about it too much. But if you're frustrated, like someone else said, a good toy works wonders. You just have to experiment and find the right one.

Without getting too graphic, I’ve heard of women having really good experiences with romance novels (I guess like mental/emotional side, where the emotional connection is really established?) and toys (physical aspect?) If you don’t care for fiction, the toys route might work for you

I think if you do get involved with a man in real life, thinking about and clarifying your desires and boundaries, what you’d want in a lover, as well as the pace you’d like to move things at might also help

"I've been celibate for 3 years now. I haven't even spoken to a man in that long" That is an absolute win IMO. "I'm simply repulsed by men since following FDS." Yep, that is absolutely normal, unfortunately, modern men are shit and not worth dating. My advice - have you tried reading erotica? And I don't mean the modern toxic BDSM shit, but some 'normal', vanilla and loving stuff. That's what usually helps me to get off. That and watching K-pop thirst-traps, haha.

Apple's comment about mind going blank reminds me, there is something almost meditative about this. Even though it's not meditation exactly 😆

Approaching this as if you're trying to connect to a partner, only there is no actual partner there - that's not the best way to go.

Self-pleasure is about mind/body connection with yourself.

It's like that old relaxation exercise where you picture yourself in a tranquil stream, except put your mind to whatever gives you pleasure.

I'm picturing entire plotlines in my head, because that's pleasurable for me, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that complicated. It can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. Everyone's different. Go with what feels right to you. Give yourself the time and space to figure out what feels right.

My mind isn't blank on the way there, but it certainly is blank when I get myself there 🤣

I have never been with a guy like EVER, but I do get the job done 😁. I don’t fantasize about men and focus on the pleasure aspect of it (literally my mind goes blank). My advice to you is to explore your lady parts and see what feels good and concentrate on that feeling.

Hey I actually just posted about this and came across your post. I have been thinking about deleting my

Apps and just not dating or entertaining men and giving it a year. I would say 3 years is a while but I really don’t think your missing out. Maybe try going out there and see but in my experience it’s nothing new and the good ones are few and far between. I definitely have attachment issues and I feel like I almost need someone and that’s why I feel like I need to force myself to take a break from seeking it out cause I just end up getting attached to the wrong person too fast

Hey girl I feel yah! I've been in the same boat for several years. I found out recently I'm autistic (ASD) also think it has to do with being asexual and repulsed by s*x. So I'd say that's contributed a lot to going celibate plus the deplorable abusive behavior of men who never get held accountable in society for their horrible treatment of women. All those factors I'd say help to not frel shame about any of it and feel more than justified living this way. You're a lot safer and better off than the women still sleeping with men. Id say what you're saying about the shame and stigma is moreso probably how a man would see it but for women it's different and nothing to be ashamed about! If anything its something to be proud of because youre protecting your body from dirty savages. I swore them all off and Im 4b for life!