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Hey FDS!
I‘ll start by saying that I’m totally new here, only getting to know the strategy and recently started browsing this forum - so please forgive my ignorance if I ask obvious questions.
I found my way here through the FDS pod. The last bit I listened to was the show with Dr Suzanne Vierling, where she explained how men put women in different categories, like ‚‘wife material‘ , ‚hit it and quit it‘ , ‚‘friend material‘ etc etc
I have often found myself in a situation where men would treat me as either hit it and quit it or j***k off or even sidepiece material. The same men seemed to show more respect to or marry other women. I often wondered about :
- What it is in me that makes men try their most animalistic, hidden selves on me (and often hide me as well)? I could say I’m conventionally attractive and have a fairly ‘hot‘ body but not any more than many others.
- I’m a sensitive, intelligent person who likes to think and talk a lot (might not be obvious from this post especially as English isnt my first language).
I could go on and on about potential factors that have made me easy prey to men looking to sexually (ab)use me, but it would be a long post.
My question is around whether I could get in the ‚’good books‘ of the same men and graduate into ‚‘wife material‘ by changing my behaviour
OR
Is the sexual exploitation and abuse of any woman unacceptable by FDS standards and by somehow becoming ‚‘wife material‘ to the same men is not winning?
So as an example, a man would shame me for having sex with him on a first date, but marry me if I didn’t have sex with him in the first 6 months. Did that man change attitude to react to my diff behaviour or I am just on the other side of the same man?
i hope that makes sense and some Queens can shed some light.
If a man has a "hit it and quit it" or "sidepiece" category in his brain, he's not a HVM. For a HVM a woman who isn't "wife material" for him is just friend material, acquaintance material, or just not someone he'd put effort into having in his life in any capacity. It's LVM who see a woman who isn't up to their standards and decide to treat her poorly instead of just doing nothing at all.
Bending over backwards to graduate into wife material for LVM? Nah sis. Study the handbook, go through the old posts, focus on yourself. Don't entertain men at all, at this point. If a HVM steps into your life and will be interested, you will know.
Men typically categorize you immediately as Madonna or Whore when they meet you and it seldom changes after that. Men who even think that way are LVM and don’t see women as people/humans which is why it’s not FDS-aligned to think this way. It’s engrained patriarchy and misogyny from men and the women who play into it and is a losing game for women as no one should have to “prove” they are worth good treatment and respect. Men who play this game are LVM, period. And yes the sexual exploitation and abuse of women is 100% unacceptable no matter what circumstances.
Your goal should be to be a HVW regardless of your relationship status. At FDS the strategy is to maximize YOUR benefit and not give a shit what anyone thinks, let alone men, in and out of your dating life.
There is nothing you can do to make them stop being assholes. LVM are gonna LVM.
If you want, you can test this theory by changing yourself in all the ways you mentioned above, but you'll see that the vast majority of men will still treat you bad, no matter what you do. They will be awful to you no matter how thin, pretty, rich, nice, kind, talented, famous, or successful you are.
Look at Rhianna, Princess Diana, or hundreds of other beautiful, talented, perfect women who LVM took away from this world.
In all things, be exactly the person you want to be, and you can only attract people who want to be with that person. Let it be naturally difficult to date you by giving them the role of pursuer to dissuade low effort men. And dedicate yourself to creating a life you enjoy, so nobody can step into it offering crumbs.
Men think you're "wife material" if you come across as being attractive (to their physical, intellectual, personal standards) and attainable. You're "attainable" if you're high/low-maintenance in appearance to a level they feel they can keep up with or financially afford. And if you're interesting and good-looking with overlapping interests at a time in his life where he's looking for marriage, you're probably looking at a committing man.
If these circumstances align, demanding the world will yield it.
You have it right in the second part. Becoming "wife material" to the same men is not winning. Men who treat women as either a whore or Madonna are LVM and best to be avoid. They are actually doing you a favor by showing their true colors right away by putting you in the "hit it and quit " category.