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Following my last post where I asked if it was acceptable that the man I was dating for 4 months did not offer to pay for the beach trip when my best friend came to visit me.
He had already took me to the beach the week before and paid for everything. Lunch, coffee, chairs, etc. then I decided to go again with my friend who is visiting me abroad and he wanted me and her to pay our parts.
It was the first time in 4 months he asked me to pay for something. He never did before. He always planned thoughtful dates and the last one was with his groups friends and he paid my part too.
I gave him the silent treatment for a day after he asked for the money and he kept texting me and I just told him I wasn't going anymore. I didn't block and delete immediately because he hadn't done anything like this before.
Actually, the weekend before I invited him to meet this friend and we went to dinner and for the first time he didn't offer to pay and told me he expected me to pay also for his, to show I was kind to him and my friend. I ignored this, but when he sent me the message "I already booked the beach, it's gonna be xx for each one" I got sad and told him I was deluded not only for this but also for the dinner comments.
He became very agressive and told me he did not know if I wanted a credit card or a boyfriend. He also said I won't find someone who will pay forever for me." And that we were very different and he didn't want to keep seeing me.
I got very offended but I was thinking that in 4 months I also never paid a single thing, not even an ice cream for him. I also didn't give him a "great" birthday present, just a small box of chocolate that he liked. He also does not make a lot more than me, maybe like 250 euros but apart these two times he never asked for anything. I don't know if maybe he made the comments at the dinner and also didn't want to pay for the beach again because I never myself did anything that involved money to
Him. Instead I:
-invited him to my house and made a dinner for him, sometimes he went there to have pancakes made by me that he liked.
-I was always very passionate
and finally last week we had sex because I decided to do so because I told him that I don't have casual sex, only when in a relationship. He said ok and then he also told me wanted me to meet his parents (I had already met his friends and brother, all organized by him). I was quite convinced we where in a relationship. He would also refer to himself as "boyfriend" and he told me he wasn't seeing anyone and did not want me to see anyone either.
After our discussion about the money he asked for the trip (that he took himself
Out) he said that we weren't in a relationship anyways, we were just dating and I asked why then he wanted tme to meet his Parents. He said he wanted me to meet them to show me he was "trying hard" with me. He actually never told me a date and time to meet his parents.
Anyways, I just wanted some reassurance that I didn't do anything wrong, I played by fds standards all the time.
He said I shouldn't be deluded by such a small thing (him wanting me to pay for the beach). Did the trash take himself out?
I don't know what red flags I could've spotted this time, because this was a hard one, he made everything right, but "incredibly" a week after we had sex this happened. He also had ED and his penis went soft while going down and he could barely keep it up.
It seems like he changed after you had sex. You are witnessing the mask falling off, my friend. I know you wanted it to be real and it hurts because he wasn't. Men do this. The ED tells you he is pornsick. Double whammy.
Sorry sister. Take care of yourself.
Bruh the scrote showed plenty of red flags and his mask dropped after sex and you STILL ask whether the trash took itself out!! What more evidence do you need?
The scrote used the old trick of letting you "meet his parents" only to give off the illusion of a relationship to get into your pants without actually clearly declaring that he wants a relationship with you! So that when you confront him he will backtrack and say "we never were in a relationship" thus it's not his responsibility, and that's exactly what he did after he got what he wanted.
And now that the scrote got what he wanted out of you, all of a sudden he realizes that you're just dating and not in a relationship 🤡
Which is why you NEVER give men a blueprint on how to get into your pants. You never disclose when and how you would like to have sex. Keep it vague.
He said he wanted me to meet them to show me he was "trying hard"Yeah he was trying hard to get into your pants.
And for the record even if you did meet his parents it still won't mean shit, plenty of scrotes introduce their dates to their parents nowadays, it's not the big flex you think it is.
Also even if you did end up in a relationship, you do NOT have sex immediately, you keep vetting into the next 3 months of the relationship before you sleep with the man
My theory is that he was ashamed of the impotence issue and took his frustration/embarrassment out on you. That way if you broke up with him, he could dismiss it as “She was just a gold-digger” and not “She dumped me because I’m awful in bed.” He was probably terrified that if you continued on in a relationship, it would become more and more of a problem because he can’t use the “just nervous” excuse forever. They always say they’re nervous but I would bet he’s pornsick. It’s sad; porn absolutely ruins lives.
Were you demanding golden treasure, jewels, wads of cash, fur coats? Were you demanding that he pay all of your bills? Were you demanding that he take you shopping and buy you a new luxury sports car?
Then NO you were not "using" him as a credit card like he said.
All the shit he paid for was BASIC. He's SUPPOSED to pay for all of that. Oh wow he got you a chair. Oh wow so impressive. He does not deserve head pats for this. He did the BARE MINIMUM.
He's gaslighting you. He's a pos.
No you did not do anything wrong.
It might have been the case yes, looks like he also thought you guys were in a relationship, and in his mind it probably meant that he didn't need to court you as hard anymore, so he started expecting you to pitch in. Now he's backtracking and pretending you guys never left the dating stage but I suspect he's just trying to make things easier for himself.
It seems quite clear that he never intended to pay for you indefinitely, and him suddenly getting super aggressive probably means that he grew resentful over the time he spent pretending that him paying for you was natural and not a big deal. You guys don't seem to be a good match, money is often a big compatibility factor in a relationship. You're allowed to want a guy to pay for everything, but looks like he isn't willing to do so, so it's probably a good thing that he's taking himself out.
Really sad to hear that he got aggressive over this. That's definitely a red flag. You could have talked about your expectations for financial dynamics in a relationship like normal people but alas, he chose to be a whiny douche instead. Of course, you don't want to pay for a boyfriend so he isn't the right fit anyways, even if he had calmly told you he wasn't going to provide. Sadly most men are cheap these days and don't understand that the company of a woman is the most valuable thing they can get, and that her happiness could be an endless source of joy for them. HVM know this and they love basking in the light of a happy and comfortable woman, so they wouldn't hesitate to pay for opportunities to create these beautiful moments. Your guy missed that chance. His loss.
Yes, the trash took itself out. Good riddance.
Block, delete, move on.
It angers me that it took four months for him to reveal himself as a 50/50 scrote. He wasted four months of your precious time that you could have spent finding a provider partner.
I wrote a post recently about finding faster ways to figure out whether a man is a provider or not. Some of us ladies do not have four months to waste.
The consensus from the respondents seems to be there is no fast way to find out. If any ladies have better strategies, feel free to share!
The trash definitely took itself out. I’m sorry, I know how bad it hurts to realize someone was terrible the whole time and just hiding it. You will learn from this, I am sure of it. Hugs to you, sis 💜
registered partnership before sex, children and living together scares most of the scrotes away.