Hi, I don't know how this post will be received. I'm going through a very difficult dichotomy IMHO. I am not sure I want a man, let alone marriage. I know what it's like to take care of a father who needs me 24/7 and the clinginess, bitchiness, and unpredictable mood swings are going to kill me, and if not kill me, age me 10 years. And that takes me to the aging part. Ironically, I don't want to lose desirability. In fact I'm freaking out over it. I have good skin and have been told that I do not look my age, but there comes a point in a woman's life where she starts getting that "look" after menopause and I feel that it would be over for me (looks-wise). I wish I could control these thoughts I have, but I'm having trouble doing that.
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We've probably all felt that way at some point but I think a lot of future scenarios we fear are made bigger and scarier by uncertainty, or assumptions about how bad it would feel. Yet once we're there you realize life goes on and you have bigger concerns/joys so you may feel totally different by then. So many women have said they grow into their confidence and their true self with age as you start to realize all those superficial people you once wished to impress aren't gonna make you happy at the end of the day. It's all about your mindset not your looks. There are beautiful young women who cant even be happy because they pick themselves apart and live to please creeps who hate them.
But on the flip side, If you take good care of your body, dress nice and do hair/makeup stuff while being unapologetically yourself, you will always be desirable to someone.
Ageism, just like sexism and classism are just so ingrained in our culture that much of the time you don't even realize you're obsessing about it until your in a full on spiral. I'm just trying as the years go on to remind myself that I don't have to look young to look pretty. They aren't mutually exclusive as much as our culture would have us believe.
Omg I feel you! Like I want to be single and focus on my career but still want to remain attractive. I have these thoughts too. Like I want to be desirable in general, even if I do remain single. Like i completely understand. It’s something that is conflicting for me too. Idk why. I think it’s just ingrained in our minds as young girls to attach beuaty to our worth. It’s so fucked up. And I hate it. Women are shamed for something so natrual. Aging is a natrual part of life and apart of the human experience. I want to live a full whole life. It’s really about decentering the male gaze and men in general
Sometimes it gets to me, sometimes I just don’t care. It’s mostly about my mental state, if I’m feeling off, I start spiraling. When I'm happy, sleep well, stress free, I don't think about aging at all.