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Hello! long post
I have been working at a company for about 3 years. It was fun and I got along with pretty much everyone. but then a few weeks ago some transfers came and everything changed. These two people are incredibly toxic. My friends and I invited one out to hang out with us to be kind (he is a gay man). it was going well at first he seemed to be part of our group but then he tried to start drama between us. Mostly trying to pit us against each other. I have learned from hanging around him that he has an enormous ego which probably covers insecurity. He loves drama and told everyone at work if they need to talk to someone about anything personal or work related they could talk to him. He said this to people he absolutely hates, which I think is vile. He has even said he wants to get certain people fired. The other toxic person is a trans female to male. He was fine at first but caused drama with pronouns. Everyone had known him as a her and we try our best to not cause an upset but mistakes happen. He went to the manager and told him about certain people that said she instead of he on accident and they got reprimanded. Recently though it’s gotten really rough.
Both of these people are friends and love to create chaos. Everyday I get reprimanded by the same one Whether something isn’t to his standard or I’m not working when he looks at me. He’s passive aggressive and is only pointing out things with me. No one else is getting this treatment. The straw on the camels back was today when I was told ” I see you break dress code frequently. If I see you wearing leggings again I will send you home.“
first off leggings are in our dress code second, other people are out of dress code all the time but he doesn’t say shit to them. How can I deal with this with grace and strength, while not losing my cool or my job?
That is unfortunate. I don't have much advice about how to handle situations like these, but I can offer some tips on keeping your cool. Put things into perspective in your mind. Remember that it's just a moid. You don't have to say that out loud, but keep in your thoughts that he's not that important. Sure he may be your boss at work, but .. outside of that, he's just a silly little man with insecurities. When you have this view of him, it makes his insults and stupid comments less personal. It's easier not to care and not take it to heart when you see him as the pathetic clown he is. Just don't say it to anyone at work. This can be something you keep in mind just for yourself, to make his comments feel less intimidating. When you remember that he's just a nobody in your opinion. That you only have to fake being nice to him because of work. And just follow the dress code so he has no grounds to complain. It's just work. It's okay to not look your best at work. Just a plain uniform. He will quickly lose interest picking on you when he sees there's nothing he can say about you. Sounds like a school bully? But at work....
Document everything and talk to your union representative. If you’re not unionized, talk to HR. Also, start looking for another job; it’s not going to get better. When you leave, request an exit interview, and state this person by name as the reason you are leaving (as well as HR’s refusal to do anything). Start getting other coworkers who can serve as references and backup, if necessary (though don’t expect HR to follow up with them). If you are in a state where it is legal to record people without their consent, record everything you can with your phone.
Going through a similar situation at the moment and I send solidarity. Wish I had a better way than the one I am doing, which is to play nice until job apps are good and I get a good written offer.
How can this person send you home? Is he your supervisor?