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Do you date men while you're losing weight or do you take a break and fully focus on getting into shape?
I put on weight because of health problems and I struggled with my mental well-being. But I signed up at the gym 2 weeks ago and started working out.
I'm putting myself out there again and try out online dating. This time I met someone who lives pretty close to me!
I have a date scheduled on saturday and this guy seems really friendly. But I feel a bit afraid how he could perceive me. Should I go and use it as a practice? Or should I cancel?
I don't want to cancel it because I just think to myself that there's so many women in all shapes and sizes and they're in loving relationships. They exude confidence and love the body they're in.
I feel pretty, I like doing my makeup and my hair and to feel better about myself but I don't feel as confident in my body as I used to.
What should I do?
If men thought like you, there would be literally no men dating 😂
But seriously, if you feel confident enough to go dating, don't let your weight stop you. I think it's more about how you feel - if you are confident and value yourself, you are more likely to enjoy the dating journey. Try not to worry about how he perceives you. Instead concentrate on what you think of him! Is he good enough for you? Does he have HVM traits? If he doesn't like you because of your body shape, that's on him.
Lastly, good on you for getting back to the gym sis!
I’ve dated while working on losing the extra 30 pounds I gained in college. It’s actually a great way to weed out scrotes and controlling men. I had a couple men ask me why I was making a healthier choice when going out to eat because I already looked perfect the way I was and that a couple fries wouldn’t hurt me. Commenting on your lifestyle and food choices in the early stages are a massive warning sign of what would be to come if you were in a relationship with that man. A HVM will respect your choices and never make you feel ashamed.
I'm only sharing my experience and not telling you what to do, but I have tried OLD while on a weight loss journey and it only ended in tears as men couldn't bring themselves to see past it (despite having conventional attractiveness, confidence, a stylish wardrobe and upholding my end of the conversation).
My only suggestion is to be absolutely upfront about your appearance. I only put up photos on my OLD profile that were super flattering. In hindsight I can see why some men felt like I was catfishing them to a certain extent, but I naively thought my other qualities would be enough.
Side note - I had a few men tell me they found me sexually attractive, but not otherwise attractive enough to keep seeing me (ie my weight was the real issue).
i think it's better to focus. it's a dificult and transformative moment for you. i think the stress of dating can be detrimental to the stress of changing your body and habits.
however, if you really want to go to that date, you can go. it doesn't mean you have to go on more dates with the guy, you don't even know if you'll like it. don't worry so much about other people's perception of you. go to the date for you, not for him. When you frame it based on what he might think of you, you're centering him. the idea here is to decenter men.