Curious about your opinions

HVM or not, there are no men who want to be just friends with a woman they really like.

He wants to be just friends first? That leaves a sour taste in my mouth. You’re looking for a relationship, he’s looking for “friends first.” I’d say no to him, that you’re not interested in a “friends first” sort of relationship, that you’re looking for someone who is dating to find a committed relationship. You don’t have time for “friends first.” Guys who do this want to be in a position of power and they do this so the woman tries to impress him and then he’ll lead her on for ages because he likes her attention but isn’t interested in a relationship. However, maybe it is possible that you’re the kind of woman he could feel excited about if he spends more time with you. He’s probably doing “Friends first” with other women too. FDS says to date with intent, only entertain men who are also looking for a serious, committed relationship. This guy will waste your time.

I also like intense romances so I gravitate towards men that provide that. In my experience they tend to be egomaniacal narcissistic (or even sociopathic in one instance) love bombers.

Nothing wrong with him vetting you. It could even be a green flag, unless he doesn’t have enough social etiquette or emotional intelligence to do it subtly. Is he going to be emotionally clumsy in other aspects?

Or, does he want you to know? If so, Covert negging. I despise men that seize me up in this way, asking questions that make put pressure on me, or make me instinctively defensive. They’re trying to assert superiority or make you jump around to prove yourself to them.

Not saying that’s the case here. Just something to consider. In my opinion a HVM has options, but is decisive and has high conviction in his judgement. So even if you’re initially an option he wouldn’t leave you as one for long. He’d decide whether to pursue you or let you go.

It seems like early days though, goodluck!

If it's a cultural difference, that's one thing. But to my American ears it sounds like he's either not that in to you and wants you to know it, or he's playing games and is looking for sex without commitment or obligation. Women never benefit from being a "friend with benefits," and calling it mysterious (as if that's a good thing when trying to figure out a man's intentions) is really odd.

The green flags are promising but do not let yourself get too attached to this one yet. Keep dating other people, don't always be available when he contacts you or asks you out, and let him show you who he is. You deserve to be with someone who is fully interested in dating you, and wants you to know it. Don't settle for anyone who makes you feel insecure or confused.

I like those green flags!

but I think it’s weird that he says he wants to be friends. If it was me and I heard that, I’d think the guy was just letting me down easy.

What region of the world is this in? Saying you should be friends first seems like it could be considered normal for many in Europe.

Confusion so early on is a bad sign

I'd say, "Sure, I'd love to be friends at first so that we can really get to know each other. Friends don't f*ck, and I'm so glad you're good with taking things slowly like I am." He'll either disappear, because he was just trying to f*ck you by pulling the "friends" label, or he really does want to get to know you as a human being first. Either way, you win.

This could be HVM vetting strategy because my fiancé and I played it cool in the beginning because he said he didnt want to scare me off too soon. what else do we know about him? are you seeing him anytime soon? Has he suggested a date?

I think he wants to be friends first to see if he’s ok with a relationship with you. It’s not a bad thing. I would actually call it a green flag cause it’s wayyy better than being rushed into a relationship. It’s better to know what to expect than have those surprises