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Pre-FDS I made the mistake of not vetting my friends so I had derailed my growth by befriending people with all sorts of issues including mental and even drug addictions. Don't get me started on the pickmes. I've leveled up in every aspect of my life since cutting them all off thankfully.
Post FDS it is even harder to make friends esp quality friends as a woman, especially when I'm not white. I also hate that women are ostracized further for not having a close knit circle of friends?? Ya'll most people are low value. It's hard to meet good, accepting and supportive people who are healthy and safe for you.
Most people are so toxic, narcissistic, have some sort of addiction issues, jealous, annoying and misogynistic or racist on some level. Miss me with that! They don't even deserve to have access to me. It further adds onto my social anxiety though.
I found that when I lived in Seattle, even in a big ish city like that a lot of people kept to themselves or they had problems. Now I'm in a much smaller place in the midwest and it's even harder to make decent friends here when everybody has grown up here, are cliquey, hardcore Christian and conservative and just overall people I don't want to be friends with.
I have pretty much have just online friends at this point, my two bunnies and an old friend from Seattle I still talk to occasionally but it sucks not being able to go meet up with a HVW friend in person.
What are some effective ways ya'll have cultivated HV friendships? Where are other HV women to be found?
i currently have no HV friendships. i'm learning how to be extremely patient because unlike finding love with a man, i don't want to give up on frindships as well. but you're right. most people are LV. so i try to vet potential friends too and i don't create expectations. i'm trying to keep things supperficial and pleasant until the moment i feel comfortable to actually trust someone. i've been betrayed and abandoned by too many people and now i'm sus of everyone. i guess there isn't much more i can do in order to avoid disappointed and back stabbing...
so my advice to you is: be patient, vet and learn how to be content as a loner (because worst case scenario, you'll be alone anyway). and if i ever go to Seatle, i'll send you a DM so we can go out and chat! i'd love to meet other FDSers in person 💗
Why is this so true lol!
It took me a long time to realize that people saw my kindness as a sign of desperation. The thing is that I never thought I was giving off those vibes lol. I genuinely thought I was just hanging out with my friends, enjoying their company, and creating fun memories.
I'm in the same boat as you even though I'm not in the US. HV people are a minority so finding HV friends is tough.
Yeah there isn't an easy solution to this problem I'm afraid. All you can really do is get out and meet people. Maybe join some clubs that you think seem interesting. (The good thing about meeting people through hobbies/clubs is that these are usually people with some free time on their hands. There are lots of people today who are so busy with work or family commitments that they don't have time for friendship). Then if you meet a potential friend, take things slowly and vet them. Be wary of people who come on too strong e.g. they're referring to you as their "best friend" or totally oversharing about their private life when they've only just met you. Those things are huge red flags.
Also checking in from corn country :)
I second the volunteering idea. Heavily weighted towards women (of course lol), and tends to be older women, so you get some conservative/internalized misogyny but also quite a few who are just done with men's shit too
I'm not religious either, but I wouldn't necessarily be put off by volunteer stuff/people who are associated with church. Requires vetting but often it's a social thing more than anything else.
Same in my situation! Lived in Miami a fee years, then NYC for a year Now back where I grew up in a smaller city in the midwest. You're right most people are wary of outsiders even the so called progressive ones lmao! They can be so ignorant definitely especially the ones who have never lived outside the midwest and cling to the same LV friends from their childhood. It does take a lot of time tho, I even grew up and went to highschool here and people are still wary because of the heavy NY accent I developed living on the eastcoast for 10 years. It's been 2 years living back in my hometown and I'm in the same boat as you sis! It does take a lot of time and effort, maybe try a paint and sip or other type class? I met someone at a hip hop dance class but sadly she turned out to be a love bombing narc so I had to block her. We just gotta vet and be just as vigilant as with men nowadays!
Volunteer work.. which makes sense really.
It's people willing to give their time and resources to the betterment of their community.
Same in my country unfortunately. I hear you ❤️