Coffee dates: Yay or Nay?

1. a guy that does a coffee date is trying to budget to be the community dick 2. >being stuck at a three-course dinner You’re never stuck. You choose to be stuck. Excuse yourself to the ladies room and leave. A man who feels lucky and wants to impress a woman will not take her to coffee. He will fall over himself to get her to dinner. Weed out the ones who are “”chill”” and just want to “”hang out”” and grab coffee. Date with a purpose and don’t tolerate low effort.

I would never do a coffee date, you're just giving a dude a chance to date multiple women. I don't want competition and when It comes to dating I want to be the only one he's dating, it's all or nothing. If he doesn't invest in you then you'll be stuck with the bar lower than Hell.

Not settling for coffee or walk dates will help you weed out the trash.

But the the thing with this point is, you can also leave a three course dinner. In either scenario you’re not bolted to the chair. I’ve left dinner because I couldn’t stand the man’s company for a second longer. He foamed at the mouth but I left lmao. Coffee dates to me are a sure sign a man doesn’t think you’re special. It’s OLD that’s normalized this. Now men expect you to audition for them like a circus clown during their low level coffee and walk dates. To see if you’re deserving of more. It’s galling and unacceptable to me.

Pardoning a mans lack of effort does not make for good outcomes, even if you’re also not looking to invest too much. It doesn’t work in reverse bc a man should always invest more at the beginning. Not a good idea for a man to think you’re low maintenance (even if you are) at the very beginning. Even if you don't want a fancy dinner, a hv man will find a low pressure activity you will enjoy.

Nay.

You have to think of dates like a job interview. Would you show up in joggers and a dirty

T-shirt and expect to get the job? No - because you've signalled that you didn't care to make the effort and you aren't all that invested. What would they expect from you if they gave you the job? A person who coasts along and is a drag on their team.

If he wants takes you for coffee he's telling you how much effort he's prepared to put into the relationship. (Don't forget that you're vetting for a man who is going to add to your life and not drain it slowly away). If he wants to play it cheap and chill then expect the relationship to look that way as well. He won't contribute and doesn't care about doing the dishes.

Hs's the interviewee. He needs to show up well-groomed and ready to invest in you to signal his interest. If he's not prepared to give his best then he's just not that into you. He doesn't really want the job, just the benefits.

If you want a low risk, low effort way to initially vet a man, do a video chat: you don't have to get super dressed up, you don't have to go out, you won't be at risk for getting physically hurt.

Men want to fuck as many women as possible without using resources, time or effort. Since outright asking women, "Do you want to fuck me?" doesn't work, those men will do the bare minimum to get you invested enough in him to fuck him.

There's a theory that people who spam Nigerian Prince scam emails use poor grammar and spelling to target stupid people who would fall for those kinds of scams. So too, a man will ask women on a coffee date to see who will accept low effort and indignity in exchange for sex.

No I don’t like it - a guy who wants coffee dates wants a cheap way to date lots of women. As for being stuck at a restaurant, you can always ask for the bill and leave, or just leave after appetizers/drinks.

No man who asked me out for "coffee" was ever worth my time

I always treat myself to fancy restaurants and go to fine dining with friends. Why wouldn’t I want the same treatment from a man who wants to take me out for dinner??? He needs to also know my life style and what I like. I’m a big foodie and fine dining is something I truly enjoy all the time not just once or twice a year. I have gone on 3 coffee dates, they were all low value. I still dress up when I go on coffee dates even with just friends because that’s who I am. I also went to high end restaurants on first dates and some were still low value. However, I enjoyed a good meal, I talked to the waitress and had a great time regardless and left whenever I wanted to. If I took time from my day to meet a man, I better get something nice in return especially I’m gifting him with my presence and feminine energy.

forever nay. even if he's a pervert he should still pay for the three-course dinner.

I went on 2 coffee dates about 15 years ago. First guy showed up looking like he’d just rolled out of bed and wore his PJs to the coffee shop. Id showered, put on a sundress, and tried to look nice. I was so turned off by his lack of effort that I didn’t want to see him again, and he was short and not very attractive, yet he thought he could get away with showing up like that! The other guy was over an hour late, I told him that I was waiting on the bench outside the shop, he walked right past me, went into the shop, ordered his coffee, and when I walked in after him, he didn’t even offer to buy my small tea. He was angry when I refused a 2nd date and told me I have “more issues than Sports Illustrated.” Coffee dates are for when you’re already boyfriend and girlfriend, or perhaps if you’re in high school and y’all don’t have any money to truly date—not for young professionals looking for a spouse. He won’t be afraid to ask for sex even if he just bought you a measly coffee—that’s for sure.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I'm all for coffee dates. I value my time more than any single man on the planet. A 30 minute coffee is enough to know if we want to see each other again or not. Its minimal effort on my part and if it doesn't work out, it's not a huge imposition on my day.

Versus the time getting dolled up for dinner and then trying to make an awkward exit if it's not working out. I also don't want to take the risk that he turns angry and takes it out on the wait staff.

I was particularly impressed by one date that I had a few years ago - he booked a bar for an initial drink and had made dinner reservations at a nearby restaurant for afterwards. He told me the day before that continuing to dinner after the drink was completely up to me and if I didn't want to, there was absolutely no issue. I love a man who thinks of all possible scenarios 🙂

Coffee dates are boring, upright and they feel like a job interview. That's why I hate them.

I think y'all aren't seeing the big picture here. Do YOU really like coffee dates? I see you all argumenting for or against them, based in your vetting strategy on men. But what about YOU? What about YOUR likes or dislikes? Yes maybe a coffee date is cheap , lazy, low value, chill, or whatever. But what is your own reason for disliking them.

For me they are just plain boring. Yes they are boring because they are low effort, but I find them to be uptight and in general, men who invite you to them are boring low effort men. But is the overall coffee date I dislike. They are too much like a job interview.

That being said, why is that the ones who defend coffee dates are comparing them to fancy dinners? You know there are more options right? Is not like you can only choose between a lazy coffee date or a Michelin Star dinner experience?

If a man invites you to a karaoke bar to sing and have fun, or to play minigolf, Lazer tag, impro theater, a museum or whatever your liking is, then you will have a good time, even if the guy is not that great, it won't break his bank and it will require a little bit more of planning and show more effort on his part because he will be forced to find an activity you enjoy. Isn't that thoughtful of him?

Okay, let's get something straight here. When it comes to low-effort dates that are cheap or free, the biggest argument is the ease of escaping when the date does not go well as planned, if you don't feel attraction to that other person, or if you feel creeped out or unsafe around this person.

However, the best way to prevent those things from happening in the first place, is to keenly observe the person when they offer to exchange phone numbers with you the very first time the two of you meet (and asking your gut how you really feel about this person now that they're right in front of your face), and to do some light text messaging, conversations over the phone (15 minutes and then you say you have to go), and FaceTime calls (again, under 15 minutes and you hang up first), to get a good feel of this person before going out on a proper formal date.

When it comes to love and romance, the environment, the ambiance, the senses that are delighted, all play a major role in taking a relationship off the ground. If you start the relationship off with a cheap coffee date that's paid 50/50, you will always feel that pang of negativity in your stomach whenever you see his face later on. Or better yet, you will not feel one bit of attraction to him. Why is that? Because the coffee date, usually done in some cheap place that you don't really care for, sets the tone for the rest of the relationship: He's cheap, boring, unimaginative, not hot, not romantic, not a dream guy material. Likewise, he'll also see you, the woman who happily obliges to this joke of a date, as a cheap option to keep in his roster when he's bored.

Do not be that woman. You're better than that.

I think coffee dates are lazy dates. There’s no real reason to even accept them. if you want a more casual first date you can always go for brunch or lunch. Which are my go to’s because I think dinner can be a bit much when meeting off a dating app. if it’s a guy that I already know I’d expect a nice dinner date.

To me it's all about the effort he's putting and coffee dates are low effort. However, I'm not a fan of dinner dates either, I feel like a dinner is too intimate and usually not worth to put all the effort in getting dolled up for a man I don't even know yet.

It's perfect when a man takes the time to get to know you, to remember the details about your personality and then plan a date accordingly. For example, I love art, so a thoughtful man would know that I'd love a museum date. Going to the museum, then grabbing something to eat, he'd have to pay for everything (museums tickets aren't for free in my country). I love activities more than sitting at a table with a stranger, so what about zoo dates? Aquarium dates? Amusement park dates? Event dates? Grabbing coffee can be a part of those dates but not the main thing. Eventful dates are usually super fun even if the guy's company is not that enjoyable and I've had great experiences so

.

Not in a million years. I have a coffee maker at home.

So I am curious... if a man who has some potential asks you out for a coffee, and you decline... how would you get across the point that you expect dinner? Would you say, "I would like a FaceTime chat, followed by a proper date."?

Coffee dates are cool. They’re casual, cheap, fast. Enough time to know if you’re interested in another date. Nothing wrong with casual and chill

yay for me. i think dinner at a fancy restaurant gives the impression that it's already something huge when in fact you're still just trying to get to know each other. i'd rather do something light. but it has to be special in some way. like, i really good coffee at a really nice cafe. or maybe a picnic in a park. i love feeling the sunlight and a light breeze. but i'm not against dinner dates. i just feel weird at the idea of "going to dinner at a fancey restaurant" with a stranger. feels off, i don't know...

now, if we've been going out for a while and he keeps inviting me for coffee dates, that's just lazy. he'll have to improve the experience. i think that's a good way to see if a man is HV. it has to start interesting and get better with time. because usually the start of a relationship is good and it gets more and more uninteresting. a HV man will keep you interested in a healthy way. after all, he's looking for something real and genuine too, so he'll vet you to see if you're both compatible before investing too much of his resources. usually the ones who try too hard to impress you are LV.

i have a male friend (the only male i allow in my life, in fact) who says his perfect date would be at a cafe, just eat something light and talk for hours. he wouldn't try anything remotely sexual, not even kising or holding hands. he would just enjoy her company and get to know her. it sounds lovely. he is the kind of guy who is very concerned about how comfortable a woman feels around him. he's scared of being a creep just for asking someone out. he wouldn't have to be so scared of making women uncomfortable if it wasn't for the horrible male behaviour we have to deal with on a daily basis - and he is aware of that.

EDIT: regarding some of the comments about my reply: - just because the last paragraph is about my male friend doesn't mean i'm using his opinion to validate mine. why on earth would you think that??? maybe you're just projecting.

- how can you assume he's a low effort scrote if you you don't even know him, especially based on the sole fact the he likes coffee dates? if anyone here has the capacity to judge him, that person is me, since we've been friends for almost 10 years. and before you say i'm defending a scrote, please don't take me for a blind pickme, that's just insulting. i'm a smart woman capable of choosing good people to be part of my life.