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I met a guy at my tennis club and after a game we're going out for some food.
The thing is, I just want to be comfy when I play. My mother has asked that I wear an outfit completely different from what I normally wear and I can already tell I'm going to feel restricted. She set out black leggings and a tight tank top for me to wear. I usually wear sweatshorts and a baggy clothes to play. She has also put out a set of different clothes for me to have dinner with him and it's not really what I want to do. It's a pink business skirt and the top is a criss cross tight top that requires another tight convertible bra. I don't feel up to it to squeeze myself into this monstrosity after tennis practice, so I'm putting my foot down. Instead, I've chosen to wear a linen skort and tank top to see him. She said I would look childish, and that in the early stages, I should be more feminine to entice him. She has this idea that since I'm seeing him and his friends, I should look my best so that other girls are jealous, and his guy friends will want me as well... he has seen me in sweatpants and jean shorts going to practice. I don't think he's going to care. In fact, he asked me out when I was wearing fuzzy shorts and a baggy t-shirt to practice. My mother has informed me that it's different now because we are dating and I need to step up my game.
Yesterday, I dressed up because we were going out to a fancy dinner, and see the Barbie movie, but today, it's tennis practice, some food, and an evening stroll to burn off the food. My mom approved of the outfit I picked for the fancy dinner and she wants me to show up looking fancy and I can already see that it's taking a toll on me (and for future dates as well) because I just want to wear what I like. She's trying to control my life again by dictating what I get to wear on my dates. I think she's gaslighting me into wearing clothes are acceptable to her standards. If the date doesn't go well, I can already see her blaming me because I wasn't pretty or sexy enough. The thing is the clothes she picks out doesn't make me feel confident or comfy. I can already imagine myself not having fun, sweating from the tight constricting clothes. I just want to be me and wear what I find to make myself most happy in.
Part of me believes that what she says is true. Right now, I just imagine him disappointed when he sees me in casual clothing as opposed what I wore last night. Even if I dolled myself up again, I would feel out of place because it's not the time or place for that kind of stuff.
I feel a little self-conscious and anxious going from this glamorous sexy woman to wearing what I normally wear to make myself happy. Yesterday, I expressed myself as Barbie through my clothes and today, I'm just going as plain old me.
What should I do?
TL;DR; Yesterday's outfit was a banger. Mom is angry that she picked clothes that I would not wear for my next date. She's making me feel like the guy I'm seeing won't like me because she thinks I'm a sloppy dresser. Sadly, part of me believes it but I want to wear what I want. It is ruining my self-esteem.
Your mom is out of line.
Wear what makes you feel comfortable so that you can be yourself. It's his job to impress you.
He's dating you, not your wardrobe. No amount of dressing sexy will keep a man if he's not interested. It's better for him to see the real you than the one you pretend to be.
This strategy is a vetting tool that your mom can't understand so don't bother trying to explain it to her. My mom (and many others of her generation) have an endless amount of "rules" that women must obey, lest they be shunted to the icy depths of spinsterhood. It's horseshit. These women had trash husbands and think it's because they didn't dress cute enough. No, it's because they were married to a dumpster.
Wear what you feel appropriate and tell your mom to go pound sand. My mom used to never let me leave the house without a full face of makeup. Even going to the lake with ffriends she would try to make me wear mascara and lipstick and earrings. One of the reasons I moved out before I turned 18.
I'm old enough to be your granny. Don't listen to your mother. Wear what makes you feel comfortable.