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I am openly childfree. I do not want kids because I value my calm, freedom, and independence. Having a child would mean I would be stuck with dealing with a man the moment he turns abusive, because the child deserves to be in contact. Pregnancy will also cause a cut in my income as I will have to work parttime. Never going to happen. I'd rather die alone in a nursing home than be dependent on a man's mood to provide for me and his own damn child.
When I was on apps, I said I didn't have kids, but was open to them. Meaning that if a guy has adult kids,I might be accepting of those. Still, even 40-year-old men would match me, then throw a tantrum that they wanted a family. Dude, you're 40, why didn't you have kids sooner? Oh, you were sleeping around? Tough luck scrote. At 35 I KNOW I don't want kids. Why bother me? I know women my age who are having babies, but it seems a lot more difficult than getting pregnant in your twenties.
I would NEVER do the physical labor of having a child for a man. It disgusts me. I don’t know any pregnant woman who is properly taken care of by her husband. They just treat you like an incubator and continue the 50/50 bullshit.
After taking care of my mom and now my dad, I'm realizing that as much as I love babies (at least to look at their cute faces), I'm thinking that it's better for me not to be a mother. I have been going through intense insomnia and sleep deprivation over the past 10 days or so due to a change in my dad's condition (it looks like it's improving but I don't want to say too much too soon), but moments like that where my sleep is destroyed, so is my sanity and my suicidal ideation goes up a hundredfold. Not to mention the fact that when I'm sleep deprived I don't want to eat, exercise, or shower, the latter because showering already makes me sleepy and I can't handle making the sleepiness worse. I don't believe my health would survive being a mother, as affectionate as I feel toward a child. I just can't do it. Am I wrong for thinking this? FDS would adamantly say I'm not wrong.
Besides, there's no such thing as being childfree in a relationship. The man is your child.
I am turning 41 next year. I am divorced after being married for 12 years, and got out of a 2 year relationship last year.
Just recently I had a coworker tell me that I still could get children after I said I am done thinking about children considering my age and increasing lack of patience with everything (meaning men, but I did not say that). Oh and "a serious relationship is not possible without living together" after me saying I do not want to get married and do not want to live with a man again.
It is fucking crazy how they operate. "you woman, you serve man and make children".
I am 40 years old, fucking let me live my life how I want!
I’m with you on this. I’ve known since I was young that I never wanted children of my own. Everything about pregnancy and childbirth is horrifying to me, and the more I learn about relationships and see people I know becoming parents, the more I understand deeply that it’s not the kind of life I want.
And yet, I’ve had many men try to talk me into the idea of having kids - even when they openly told me that “I don’t do babies, so you’ll be the one taking care of them,” or when they were not even someone I was dating, but simply a friend of someone I was dating.
My current bf and I have had many conversations about how I don’t want children, and he has said that it would require him to change his lifestyle so drastically and that he doesn’t feel like being a parent is something he needs out of life. He said he always assumed he would have kids, but he only wanted to have them before he turned 40, and it didn’t happen for him. (He’s 40 now, we’ve been together 3 years, and I’ve been outspoken about not wanting them since the early dates.)
And yet - one of his best friends has tried to convince me that I MUST have my bf’s children immediately, that I am taking something away from him that my bf desperately wants, and he even cornered me for a solid hour to repeatedly ask me “why not” and “what about…” despite my MANY objections and clear statements about all the reasons I don’t want kids and won’t have them for anyone. I ended up telling the friend that if my bf has been telling him a different story than the multiple conversations I’ve had with him, that he should have chosen a woman who actually wanted that too, instead of someone who is focused on her career and personal interests and has never ever wanted children. He should have chosen better if it was that big of a deal to him.
And then… that same friend went and LIED ABOUT ME to my bf, telling him that I wanted babies immediately!
Fortunately it all came out as soon as my bf and I had a direct conversation about it.. but wtf dude?!? His friend literally attempted to manipulate the both of us into doing what HE wanted, and all because he (the friend) was scared of becoming a dad and not having anything in common with his child free friends anymore. That guy literally didn’t care at all about the effect that could have on his own friend - he was so selfish as to attempt to impose his own desires onto someone else’s relationship.
I have been barely cordial to this man ever since, and I decided that I will never again debate my life choices with a man. The most I’ll ever say is, “having children is not for me, and I will not discuss this further. My choice is my choice, it is final.”
I've never wanted children, but there were a few moments in my life when I changed my mind because of my exes. They were future-faking, and I started to wonder, what if...? That’s often how women end up with babies. Fortunately, I always made sure we had safe sex. I can’t imagine having their kids and being stuck with them forever.
It also breaks my heart to see kids growing up in such a strange, cold world. I can’t bring a child into this. On top of that, seeing how my friends changed after having kids is scary. They’re not the same people I once knew. Some are fine, but others became so patronizing just because they’re "moms now" while I’m "just having fun." I don’t want to be like them.