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So earlier this year I got blindsided by my ex when he breaks up with me in a cruise ship becasue he wasn't "having fun" in the vacation after he started the fight cause his brother's gf didn't like hanging out with me. The worst part was being stuck on a ship with him and his shitty brother + brother's gf for 24 hours, it ruined my mental health for couple months.
I ended up meeting someone only three weeks after the breakup and although I didn't want to date anyone at the moment I was drawn to him like magnet. He wasn't even my physical type but for some reason there were just so much spark and connections that I couldn't resist him. I knew from day one that I am going to regret this but still found myself craving his affection anyway. He didn't "mistreat" me per se, in fact he love bombed me and I did see it but still couldn't just walk way.
I knew if I vet him he would turn out to be a trash so I willfully turned a blind eye just to stay with him a bit longer. I eventually decided to face the reality that he is a pornsick trash who follow thirstraps and also hang around with his stripper ex and leave. After I stopped talking to him he posted insta/snapchat stories and of him hanging out with his stripper ex, so I blocked him.
Yet, even today I catch myself longing for him and wish he was the man I wanted him to be. I hate that I feel that way and I don't know why. I wonder if I accidentally fell in love with him or is it trauma bond? Either way I wouldn't get back with a disrespectful trash like him but I just don't understand why I long for him.
I can't get it out of my head and I hate it. I really don't want to think or feel about him and I don't know why a man I only for three months has this much hold over me. The weirdest part about this is that I am over my long term ex but not the rebound I don't even like. It's such a joke.
" longing for him and wish he was the man I wanted him to be." is not real longing. It's you using his image to create a guy who's perfect for you in your head. He has this guy's face but he's not real and has NOTHING to do with the shitty guy in question.
Sis, I had a thing with a bald overweight scrote who I didn’t even want in the first place. I was just in a moment of vulnerability.
He lovebombed then pumped and dumped and I have been now on therapy and on antidepressants for a trigger that I didn’t even want.
I think you and me, we had other issues to address, it’s not exactly about those scrotes that we got obsessed about that in reality means nothing to us, but we keep them on our minds and we keep suffering because that was not real.
There are a few things going on here:
You initially didn't want to date this guy. You went out with him anyway. This means you did not honor yourself or listen to your gut. Doing things you don't want to do, destroys the trust in yourself - trust that is desperately needed to create the life you want. From now on, make it your goal to always ALWAYS listen to your gut. Your life will be happier, brighter, more successful, and you'll set yourself up to eventually find a HVM.
Radical acceptance is a must. It isn't easy to stare truth in the eyes. It's much easier to live in denial, believe what we want to believe, and ignore the things we don't want to see. Usually we live in denial when our emotional needs are overwhelming, and we want to be soothed. But denial always makes the road to emotional healing longer and more painful. Radically accept that this guy is who he IS. See him in all his trashy glory, as the entitled, woman-using, disgusting scrote he is. He will not change. He is set in stone.
Learn to soothe yourself. Love and care for yourself. Men will not care for you. Not even friends and family can always be there to care for you. You've got to learn to care for yourself. I highly recommend Kristen Neff's Self Compassion exercises (she has a book too, but the meditations are free). I like "Soften Soothe Allow" when I'm upset. Here's a link: https://self-compassion.org/guided-self-compassion-meditations-mp3-2/
I hope this helps.