Can you eat dinner at cocktail tables?

So a few weeks ago, I made a post about going to a Halloween party and I did with a friend. It was awesome!

We played it up a bit. Since I was dressed as a cat, she went as a mouse, so we are Tom and Jerry lol

But then, the strangest thing happened at the beginning of the night. I can't help but dwell on this as I feel like there might be something lacking within me. FDS, I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not socially inadequate. I'm still trying to understand party etiquette. In the museum, there were tables and chairs scattered through the museum . Some of the tables have chairs and some of them just have tables. With some of the tables without chairs, I notice that people just crowd around, chat, and put their drinks on the table. As for us, we ordered food and drinks and decided to have dinner at one of the chairless tables. Halfway through our dinner, this guy approaches us and puts his half empty drink on our table and walks back to his friends and faces us while talking to his pals. He completely ignored us and what he just did. Initially, I thought this was rude, there's a garbage can at every corner of the museum. In addition, in regards to where he was standing, the garbage was closer ( 2 steps behind him) rather than our table (4-8 steps in front of him). Anyways, it was gross. My friend was still eating her dinner. I remembered being embarrassed for two reasons. The first reason was if that guy was telling us that the table was used to store garbage. At wedding parties, I know that people usually put their empty champagne glasses on a table and a waiter will come collect it. It made me feel like I was eating at the wrong table, or maybe I wasn't supposed to be eating this table at all. The second reason was that I thought I was probably dressed badly, or he didn't see us as anything ( like we weren't worthy at all in general ) as he clearly didn't notice my friend and I eating at the table, and casually put his garbage at our table. Anyways my friend is disgusted by this and as I was descending overthinking, she tells suggests we bring out dinner and eat somewhere else.

I asked my parents about this and they said that I did nothing wrong. My mother said I was in the right for eating at that table no matter if it's a standing cocktail table. What he did was immature and that being locked away during the pandemic has made people forget about manners. My dad tells me he sounds like a guy that's been living in the woods all his life since he doesn't know how to approach or start a conversation with women.

That last comment my dad said got me thinking... Was he trying to hit on us? If so, it's so LV... Also, you'd think that paying $60 for tickets would weed out these jerks...

Other than that, my girl friend and I danced the night away, took lots of pictures, and did some museum trivia. The event that happened was like 3 minutes of the whole 4hour night. I know I sound fixated on this guy, but trust me I'm not. Instead I just want to be assured that I'm not in the wrong and providing FDS with a detailed description. Hopefully, someone with more experience with party etiquette can tell me what to do next time, or give me some insight.

7 answers0 replies

Comments (7)

BaglessUpright

Oct 30, 2023

I'm glad you went and had a good time!

That scrote's behavior is a reflection of his character - not yours. He's the kind of person who tosses trash out the car window. Please don't worry about what's going through a trashy scrote's head.

kuromi

Oct 30, 2023

•

Replying to

This. OP You really did nothing wrong here, don't worry.

I, too, am an overthinker and struggle with realizing it myself in the moment of conflict, but therapy has helped me learned the importance of recognizing that someone else's behavior is a reflection of their character, not yours.

I think the reason we (or at least I do, you may not relate and that's perfectly fine) think this way is because we think, "well, I wouldn't get angry or treat someone badly unless they did something to deserve it, so I must have done something bad to cause them to behave this way with me," and often times we judge others based on our own values (in other words, we assume they have a similar thought process to ourselves). As a result, it leads to us assuming we must have done something wrong because of the way the other person reacted.

A strategy I use to overcome this is to try to look at the situation as objectively as possible. Look at what I did or said and think about how if I said or did this to a reasonable person, would they be offended? How would they react? And then compare that to how the in my situation person reacted.

If you've ever worked in a retail job, you might know about how some customers get really nasty when you can't do something they're asking e.g. honor an expired coupon. However, all you did was say something along the lines of "sorry but we can't do that." You didn't say anything inherently offensive and not getting fired is proof that you did nothing wrong. This is example perfectly illustrates how you can do everything right but some weirdos will just behave weird and it's not a reflection of your character at all. It's them just having their tantrum. I like to think about this example because it helps to remind myself that someone's reactions don't always equate to me deserving it or doing something wrong.

Edited

Unknown member

Oct 30, 2023

Your etiquette was correct, his was wrong. Leaving an empty glass or any trash on someone else's table is inappropriate for any kind of table. Standing table implies casual and chatty. It does not imply rude/gatbage. Substitute in any kind of table and his behavior is still wrong: Deli counter, diner counter, long bar, standing table inside a club, standing table in a theater lobby.

I think he probably felt like being deliberately rude to a total stranger because this is what most people (men) are like now and they get off on it.

Leveled Up

Oct 30, 2023

He's an animal. Maybe a psychopath. Please don't waste any more brain cells on this loser.

Millennialpink2k

Oct 30, 2023

He was attempting to both neg you and open a conversation.

Apple

Oct 31, 2023

Replying to

I honestly can’t see how that would be a good strategy lol

We just left after he put his dirty ass drink on our table. He didn’t even have a chance to talk to us. Such a bad strategy lol

cloveryum

Oct 31, 2023

•

I think you’re completely over thinking this. Yes it was rude of him, no you guys didn’t do anything wrong. He was probably hoping to use it as an opening to talk to you. I’m glad you guys moved

Can you eat dinner at cocktail tables?

Subscribe for FDS exclusives!

Terms & Conditions

About