How's everyone doing? I notice a lot of the activity on here has died out.
Is everyone okay?
21 answers0 replies
Comments (21)
Unknown member
Apr 05, 2024
I think the end result of internalizing FDS is that you strengthen your boundaries and become much happier as a result. You no longer need to vent or come up with strategies and therefore have no more need for this forum. There's no easy pipeline to get here for newcomers since the subreddit is pretty much non-functional, so no new activity really.
I am doing well, I’m closing a few deals after 2 years of work, so I’ll finally get paid. I’m buying a cottage in France and will renovate it, so that’s fun. 😊
I’ve felt so peaceful and free lately, without a man in my life. I sometimes think of dating again, but I really don’t want a male in my space rn. So I follow FDS, but I’m not willing to give up my freedom and peace.
And it’s cheesy but I love Pride & Prejudice (book and movies) and I think Mr. Darcy is the sh*t. But even if I met someone like him, it still low-key repulses me to think of sharing a bed and home with a man - even if he had that level of intelligence, kindness and wealth. I just don’t see the benefit, and of course at some point I’d have to start caretaking him. So even Mr Perfect Fantasy Man doesn’t appeal to me these days.
I wonder if Leveling Up for me means not dating ever again? But I still love FDS - because we all point out the absurdity of the patriarchy, and we work hard to push back and maximize female benefit! I won’t say Never, but for now, I am super happy on my own.
It’s kind of you to ask and maybe get a few users out of hiding, thank you. I have been wondering about the lack of activity as well. I hope it’s because spring is coming around for many here, but it feels like at least two months to me that it has gotten a lot more quiet. I still check up every now and then out of habit and read what seems interesting to me, but my favourite posts are usually those of personal recounts or experiences with users commenting insightful advice and there has been little of that lately. Several times I’ve read wishes for more positive, ‘level-up’ contributions, when the direction of this forum has been discussed, and I’ve wondered what exactly that would mean. Maybe some check-ins, little or big success stories, is what could be conducive.
I recently finished my first degree and at about the same time moved countries to start an internship at my dream company that will add an impressive name to my CV. At the moment I don’t really know where I will be going but I’m proud of these two steps for now and am making progress in language learning every day.
Unfortunately, it turns out the apartment I moved to has a bedbug infestation. Sleeping on a makeshift mattress on the cold living room floor for weeks, putting all my belongings into the freezer or the washing machine or both, storing every article of clothing I own in sealed boxes and trash bags on the attic has been stressing me out more than I can admit to myself and I’m fatigued and maybe also paralysed from my obsessive routines to come to a decision: Should I wait out the exterminators or should I find a new place? The landlord isn’t fast at organising things and I don’t really trust that the chemicals they’re using are effective - I found three insects and got one more bite since the first intervention. It’s quite taking a toll mentally.
This confronts me with my responsibility for my own well-being and comfort. Besides the difficulty in making a decision for my living arrangement, I’ve been pondering treating myself to something decent for a long while now but I’m not good at allowing myself to spend money and at the moment I wouldn’t enjoy bringing more objects into this mess anyway.
Dating wise, I have been man free since summer and despite no experience since then feel that I’ve become wiser and more confident. So much so that I would be very interested in undertaking cultural scrote investigations over here (and trying my luck in a new city) but I wouldn’t know where to get into contact. Downloading a dating app has been tempting but it might take a while until I’m bored enough to abase myself again.
Thank you to those as well who comment, I enjoy reading them.
7
Unknown member
Apr 17, 2024
Replying to
Hi, I had to deal with bedbugs a long time ago at a place where I was staying. You need to have the exterminator do what's called a "heat treatment", preferably in addition to a fumigation. According to Google, 118 degree heat treatment will kill bedbugs in 20 minutes, and bedbug eggs in 90 minutes.
I also picked up this thing from the store called diatomaceaus earth and sprinkled it around my home during the bedbug outbreak. Diatomaceaus earth is a pesticide that's used to kill bugs such as ants, cockroaches, and silverfish; it also kills bedbugs. It sticks inside their exoskeletons and suffocates them. It's completely safe to be around humans and pets, it just kills certain species of bugs. You can buy diatomaceaus earth at bigger stores like Walmart and Home Depot.
I hope that helps!
Unknown member
Apr 06, 2024
I'm not doing well right now. I'm stronger than I used to be, but I'm also coming to terms with the fact that I put up with a lot in the name of love, and I don't want to be that small and weak again. My mother also stopped romantically involving herself with men when she was around the age I am now. I got an OFP against my ex. They served him with the papers yesterday. I tried getting one last summer after I dumped him the first time, but I chickened out and had them dismiss it. I wish I'd stuck with it, it was the right decision but I thought he'd get violent with me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being afraid. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am in my career, to have a nice place to live, to be someone I could be proud of with a good credit score and friends who I love and who love me. But I feel like I ruined all of it by being with him and maybe moving out of town might be the best decision.
It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. This self-betrayal IS hard to cope with. But you have to forgive yourself. You know better now and that’s what matters. You haven’t ruined your life, you just need a new beginning and a fresh start is going to be good for you. Fresh starts happen whenever we say they happen. Today can be it.
Coming from experience as a woman who’s moved several times in the last 5 years: running away doesn’t solve anything. If it feels good to flee then do so, but understand the work has to come from within. The feeling of self-betrayal won’t go away when you move. You still have to rebuild your trust in yourself, your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your confidence. It will be harder to do that in a less stable home, no friends, and in an unfamiliar place you’ll have to navigate alone. Be gentle with yourself and don’t make any rash decisions. You did the right thing getting a OFP against your ex, if he hasn’t struck against you I’d say you’re probably safe. Regardless, getting a Ring doorbell and/or ADT will help you immensely. I had ADT install sensors on ALL my outside doors and windows (even the top floor bc I had trees ppl could potentially climb) and even though I live alone I feel completely safe and secure.
Doing great! Very busy tho as I’ve started working extra shifts to pay to upgrade my house and to upgrade my car. I’m working 6 days a week almost every week at this point cuz the more money I bring in the better! I’m not really online or thinking about FDS much. If I go online it’s typically to play music or audiobooks while I work on my house/car. (Current obsessions being the Duskwalker Brides series and the Clecanian series. I am DEVOURING these. Especially the Clecanian series. I am on book 5 with Fejo. How can I resist a sexy alien space pirate?! 😆 He is literally my book bf.)
I also got a raise last month which feels good. The extra money is helping a LOT. My projects progress is moving much faster now I have more money to throw at it AND I went on my first vacay of the year last month, too. I have a few more planned and with how hard I’m working I know I’m gonna need em. I am always exhausted, but it’s that fulfilling kind of exhaustion.
Thank you for the check-in and thank you, ladies, for sharing. I’d been busy on that job search grind for some 5-6 months, but I’m happy to say that I’ve finally landed an amazing job! I like the industry, the projects, my boss, my colleagues, the salary is nice, I couldn’t be happier 😊
Don’t have much time to date, and nobody’s asking me out anyways (it’s just not a thing in my country). A man from my past did reach out to me recently, and that reactivated quite a lot of feelings and memories. He messed up the first time around, so I was open to a well thought out apology and an expensive gift or gesture, but received a kinda mid apology, no gift and got ghosted in the end 😄 That’s pretty much it on the dating front rn.
6
Unknown member
Apr 05, 2024
Up and down but really excited for spring and summer!
6
Unknown member
Apr 05, 2024
I’m the same! I worry when people go silent.
I’m okay. I went on a singles trip recently, but yet again, I didn’t meet a single guy who wanted a commitment 🥲🎻
not great. working through betrayal wounds. i can't let go and i can't move forward. i want him to pay for what he did, even if it was a mutual choice, i waited 6 months. i'm so tired of the lomebomb-devalue-discard pattern. I WILL NOT take the hit AGAIN while he gets to do it all over again with someone else in 5 months. the worst part is the weaponized incompetence of "i'm just not good with relationships because i can't maintain emotional connection so i shouldn't be in relationships." then it becomes my responsibility to either betray myself YET AGAIN by pretending that i have no shame after being used for sex and false intimacy or to perform the meotional labor of helping him heal HIS resistant, spoiled little child's shame wound around being emotionally neglected by mommy and his sisters.
the dumb thing is that he told me he had a crush on me from the beginning...and now that shit is real, he's running away, shutting me out and even dismissing me to make himself feel better about the fact that he can't resolve conflict in a mature way. i mean, i'm not perfect, but at least i am taking the time to fine-tune my communication. he literally just sat there and cried everytime i expressed a need. i give up.
and why TF do i even care? he makes 100K annually staring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day babysitting other dumb scrotelets. i do actual work for people and have a hard time making 5 figures (although i am doing much better as of last year). i need to level up my career, decide on my next certification and work on moving into a better apartment or townhome. i live in an area in the US where households spend 114% of their income on their mortgage. WTF, the math is not mathing, as they say. how does anyone live? so happy i am childfree. this country is insane and i don't have to time to babysit Dismissive Avoidant men. talk some sense into me, someone.
You’re working through it, queen 🤗 Another thing to consider – is the man adding to your happiness, peace and security, or taking away from it? Making you feel less happy and less secure, actually. When I was dating my previous dude, it really tripped me up, because supposedly he was this positive guy, polite, easygoing, and a man of means as well. He seemed to have so much to give, and I just assumed that he would. But he didn’t. After the first couple of dates, he pretty much stopped trying at all. He wouldn’t put effort into dates anymore, he started unloading emotional baggage on me (as if I were his therapist), and ultimately I realized that he never showed genuine interest in making my life easier and nicer.
thank you, Queen. it seems i was, indeed, dickmatized. just shows me that the "666" standard does not a HVM make! and now that you mention it, he did trauma dump on me within the first 6 months.
appreciate this sisterhood SO much...effective, efficient and 100% savage. long live FDS!
I'm okay, just quite busy with work and my garden right now.
There are also not a lot of posts here right now that I want to engage with, to be honest, and sometimes I feel like this place has turned into something I don't want to be a part of anymore.
Very little constructive, insightful leveling-up or dating advice or interesting discussions, but a lot of ragebait, trolling, male depravity content, low effort content (like just a link to some video or article without any comment by the author of the post) or content that just makes me angry and believe I am in the wrong place here because I don't support an "abort all male babies", "every single boy and man is a monster", "live completely segregated from men" or "Middle Eastern countries criminally prosecuting and executing men for being in a consensual gay relationship is a great, super feminist idea" approach. I mean, what's next? "Female genital mutilation is actual a great and feminist thing, too. Society is way to sexualised already, taking a woman's ability to have clitorial orgasms away and making sex torture for her for the rest of her life will surely help with that!" ?!
The complete absence of mods and moderation just makes it worse.
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I think the end result of internalizing FDS is that you strengthen your boundaries and become much happier as a result. You no longer need to vent or come up with strategies and therefore have no more need for this forum. There's no easy pipeline to get here for newcomers since the subreddit is pretty much non-functional, so no new activity really.
I'm good. Happily busy with career and hobbies. I hope that's why everyone else is quiet! 💖
Thank you for asking!
I am doing well, I’m closing a few deals after 2 years of work, so I’ll finally get paid. I’m buying a cottage in France and will renovate it, so that’s fun. 😊
I’ve felt so peaceful and free lately, without a man in my life. I sometimes think of dating again, but I really don’t want a male in my space rn. So I follow FDS, but I’m not willing to give up my freedom and peace.
And it’s cheesy but I love Pride & Prejudice (book and movies) and I think Mr. Darcy is the sh*t. But even if I met someone like him, it still low-key repulses me to think of sharing a bed and home with a man - even if he had that level of intelligence, kindness and wealth. I just don’t see the benefit, and of course at some point I’d have to start caretaking him. So even Mr Perfect Fantasy Man doesn’t appeal to me these days.
I wonder if Leveling Up for me means not dating ever again? But I still love FDS - because we all point out the absurdity of the patriarchy, and we work hard to push back and maximize female benefit! I won’t say Never, but for now, I am super happy on my own.
How are you, AngeliqueMonique?
It’s kind of you to ask and maybe get a few users out of hiding, thank you. I have been wondering about the lack of activity as well. I hope it’s because spring is coming around for many here, but it feels like at least two months to me that it has gotten a lot more quiet. I still check up every now and then out of habit and read what seems interesting to me, but my favourite posts are usually those of personal recounts or experiences with users commenting insightful advice and there has been little of that lately. Several times I’ve read wishes for more positive, ‘level-up’ contributions, when the direction of this forum has been discussed, and I’ve wondered what exactly that would mean. Maybe some check-ins, little or big success stories, is what could be conducive.
I recently finished my first degree and at about the same time moved countries to start an internship at my dream company that will add an impressive name to my CV. At the moment I don’t really know where I will be going but I’m proud of these two steps for now and am making progress in language learning every day.
Unfortunately, it turns out the apartment I moved to has a bedbug infestation. Sleeping on a makeshift mattress on the cold living room floor for weeks, putting all my belongings into the freezer or the washing machine or both, storing every article of clothing I own in sealed boxes and trash bags on the attic has been stressing me out more than I can admit to myself and I’m fatigued and maybe also paralysed from my obsessive routines to come to a decision: Should I wait out the exterminators or should I find a new place? The landlord isn’t fast at organising things and I don’t really trust that the chemicals they’re using are effective - I found three insects and got one more bite since the first intervention. It’s quite taking a toll mentally.
This confronts me with my responsibility for my own well-being and comfort. Besides the difficulty in making a decision for my living arrangement, I’ve been pondering treating myself to something decent for a long while now but I’m not good at allowing myself to spend money and at the moment I wouldn’t enjoy bringing more objects into this mess anyway.
Dating wise, I have been man free since summer and despite no experience since then feel that I’ve become wiser and more confident. So much so that I would be very interested in undertaking cultural scrote investigations over here (and trying my luck in a new city) but I wouldn’t know where to get into contact. Downloading a dating app has been tempting but it might take a while until I’m bored enough to abase myself again.
Thank you to those as well who comment, I enjoy reading them.
I'm not doing well right now. I'm stronger than I used to be, but I'm also coming to terms with the fact that I put up with a lot in the name of love, and I don't want to be that small and weak again. My mother also stopped romantically involving herself with men when she was around the age I am now. I got an OFP against my ex. They served him with the papers yesterday. I tried getting one last summer after I dumped him the first time, but I chickened out and had them dismiss it. I wish I'd stuck with it, it was the right decision but I thought he'd get violent with me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being afraid. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am in my career, to have a nice place to live, to be someone I could be proud of with a good credit score and friends who I love and who love me. But I feel like I ruined all of it by being with him and maybe moving out of town might be the best decision.
Doing great! Very busy tho as I’ve started working extra shifts to pay to upgrade my house and to upgrade my car. I’m working 6 days a week almost every week at this point cuz the more money I bring in the better! I’m not really online or thinking about FDS much. If I go online it’s typically to play music or audiobooks while I work on my house/car. (Current obsessions being the Duskwalker Brides series and the Clecanian series. I am DEVOURING these. Especially the Clecanian series. I am on book 5 with Fejo. How can I resist a sexy alien space pirate?! 😆 He is literally my book bf.)
I also got a raise last month which feels good. The extra money is helping a LOT. My projects progress is moving much faster now I have more money to throw at it AND I went on my first vacay of the year last month, too. I have a few more planned and with how hard I’m working I know I’m gonna need em. I am always exhausted, but it’s that fulfilling kind of exhaustion.
Thank you for the check-in and thank you, ladies, for sharing. I’d been busy on that job search grind for some 5-6 months, but I’m happy to say that I’ve finally landed an amazing job! I like the industry, the projects, my boss, my colleagues, the salary is nice, I couldn’t be happier 😊
Don’t have much time to date, and nobody’s asking me out anyways (it’s just not a thing in my country). A man from my past did reach out to me recently, and that reactivated quite a lot of feelings and memories. He messed up the first time around, so I was open to a well thought out apology and an expensive gift or gesture, but received a kinda mid apology, no gift and got ghosted in the end 😄 That’s pretty much it on the dating front rn.
Up and down but really excited for spring and summer!
I’m the same! I worry when people go silent.
I’m okay. I went on a singles trip recently, but yet again, I didn’t meet a single guy who wanted a commitment 🥲🎻
I have big plans. Just need to not get tired out
not great. working through betrayal wounds. i can't let go and i can't move forward. i want him to pay for what he did, even if it was a mutual choice, i waited 6 months. i'm so tired of the lomebomb-devalue-discard pattern. I WILL NOT take the hit AGAIN while he gets to do it all over again with someone else in 5 months. the worst part is the weaponized incompetence of "i'm just not good with relationships because i can't maintain emotional connection so i shouldn't be in relationships." then it becomes my responsibility to either betray myself YET AGAIN by pretending that i have no shame after being used for sex and false intimacy or to perform the meotional labor of helping him heal HIS resistant, spoiled little child's shame wound around being emotionally neglected by mommy and his sisters.
why can't two people just grow together?
Did the podcast really comeback? I haven't caught up?
I'm okay, just quite busy with work and my garden right now.
There are also not a lot of posts here right now that I want to engage with, to be honest, and sometimes I feel like this place has turned into something I don't want to be a part of anymore.
Very little constructive, insightful leveling-up or dating advice or interesting discussions, but a lot of ragebait, trolling, male depravity content, low effort content (like just a link to some video or article without any comment by the author of the post) or content that just makes me angry and believe I am in the wrong place here because I don't support an "abort all male babies", "every single boy and man is a monster", "live completely segregated from men" or "Middle Eastern countries criminally prosecuting and executing men for being in a consensual gay relationship is a great, super feminist idea" approach. I mean, what's next? "Female genital mutilation is actual a great and feminist thing, too. Society is way to sexualised already, taking a woman's ability to have clitorial orgasms away and making sex torture for her for the rest of her life will surely help with that!" ?!
The complete absence of mods and moderation just makes it worse.