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Hello,
I‘m currently in my first ever relationship at 28 (long distance). I was dating here and there and I have to say that I’m not the most experienced person and that I’m a late bloomer.
He was clear with his intentions from the beginning, we text every day, we facetime, we‘ve went on our first trip together, he always paid for dinner, I paid for snacks and some museum tickets.
And he is kind-hearted and humorous. Dating has always been really difficult for me, I tried long distance, I tried dating locally but it never worked out for me. So I was happy that I found someone whose personality matches mine.
But today something happened that rubbed me the wrong way.
Today I shared with him, that I go to a language school but I‘m not sure if I should keep going or not. Basically every few weeks, you can renew the contract depending how many classes you want to take.
So I shared that with him and he told me I should use the money for something else instead.
The thing is that I take these classes to also socialize more and it’s good for my mood as well after a long and stressful day at work.
To be honest, his comment made me feel icky. Because why is he commenting what I should do with MY money? But it’s also my fault for sharing that with him. I do have to admit that the language course is expensive and I‘m considering to learn with an app instead.
What do you think I should do? I‘m always thinking money comes and money goes, I really enjoy these classes and they’re a breath of fresh air in my current quite monotonous life.
Advice would be much appreciated. :)
Also for the people who are dating long distance, has it worked out for you? Or should I hop on the dating apps to find a better match? I would break it off with him because I don’t want to do it behind his back.
What makes me feel a bit weird also is that he is not the most financially stable person. Whereas I am career driven and want to progress.
Sis, what? Once you get the ick, there isn't any going back from that. This is a first red flag, but you don't want to stick around to see the others he has been hiding from you... This is also him disrespecting you, and if he disrespects you once, he will do it again. It sounds like he wants to isolate you.. a big red flag for abuse.
Don't "cOmMuNiCAte" anything to him about it. Block and delete.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EO3Z-8W5YEHUnJGhWvINMPVANPHr_mii/view?usp=drivesdk
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/dating-relationships/centering-men-in-our-narrative
Commenting on money is the first signs of control. Act accordingly and move on from him. Men have only one job, defend and provide and he should shut his mouth about what you do with your cash, If he can’t do that, if he’s whining about the money you spend, remove him right now before it gets harder.
he would have never talked to you this way if you wanted to use the money to pay something for him. Forget communication just show him the door now.
Soon he’ll show more actions of being in charge of your life. You have seen the mask drop, don’t be a fool and stay. You wouldn’t keep a faulty TV so don’t keep a faulty man.
🚩🚩🚩
"Something else" = him. He wants you to spend your hard earned language course money on HIM. What a twat. Obviously you need to get rid of him. And for the love of God, when you break up with him, DO NOT TELL WHY. Under no circumstances do not tell him that "I'm breaking up with you because of the comment you made about money and it was controlling". No. He knows exactly what he's doing, If you tell him those things that will only make him more cunning in the future, which means more victims. You can say something vague like you don't feel a connection, you're no longer interested or something. Please read the handbook very carefully, several times. You also need to read this: Why Does He do That?
You can't afford to be naïve anymore, not in this timeline. It's okay to be inexperienced but it's not okay to be uninformed when there's so much resources available. Use them.
Elaborate please. Why has it been difficult, how, in what way? Are you neurodivergent or did you grow up in an abusive household? What's your cultural background? What are the men like in your area? You need to identify the reasons behind this sentiment because you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Most men are not relationship material anyway.
Oh look, another scrote trying to play puppet master from a distance.
He wants to be the puppet master, and he wants you to be his puppet.
This is not a road you want to go down. Believe me, I’ve been there.
Make up any old lie to get rid of him. It doesn’t matter what the lie is. And then block and delete.
Regardless of the whole incident, a man who is not financially stable is a red flag. If you can have your shit together in a patriarchal world, so can a grown man.
I agree with everyone else who says don't bother communicating with him (you're not his mother, and if he doesn't know better as a grown man, that is seriously lacking on his part and not your problem) and just block him. Anything else is wasting more of your time.
I would highly not recommend using dating apps at all. Men on there all think the women on apps are desperate and treat them as such (i.e. like shit because they think the women will never leave them out of desperation.) Yes all men. On apps.
I say stick with your language class. Socialization is important and if you don't have other fulfilling avenues for that, sounds like it's worth the investment to keep pursuing the class in person. You never know what kind of friends, business contacts, mentors, or potential lovers you can meet from real-world interactions and it makes for a more well-rounded human experience.
Keep up the good work ❤️.
It’s not your fault for sharing that with him. Those are normal things to share with people.
2. He may have good intentions but it’s important for you to practice setting boundaries with someone you love. Tell him how it made you feel and that this is something that is important to you. If he’s worth it then he’ll understand, or at least try to. If he’s not and puts you down…. well you decide what to do with that.