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There's been some research behind the phenomenon of men claiming they want a woman who is intelligent, but feeling actually threatened when that woman is in their actual proximity.
The fake nice guy scrote pretends he wants an intelligent and successful woman and may even pretend to admire that you're established and successful.
However, he secretly resents it and envies you.
Telltale signs of covert misogyny: he'll center himself if you're in a discussion about something you accomplished, talking about how he did this or that that is somewhat related but not at all equal to your accomplishment instead of focusing on what you achieved; he'll go out of his way to try to covertly sabotage or put you down; he may even make strange insinuations that he can't "believe" you accomplished something; instead of congratulating you and giving healthy positive praise, he'll deny, minimize, detract, or question how you got the "thought in your head" to accomplish what you did...implying a kind of misogynistic perspective on women or even acting like if you're beautiful you can't possibly also be smart and accomplished, etc.
Leave your red flags below of this.
So so true.
This is another warped trait that a lot of men posses. Why it’s confusing to them that women can achieve as much if not more than them is really interesting to me. Well, I guess since so many of them have been taught that they’re inherently better than us, it genuinely shocks them that the "weaker sex" can be as good or even better than them.
It tells me a lot about how a lot of men are very weak mentally to be so threatened by a woman that is intelligent and successful. How is a woman’s success stopping them from being successful? Why do they need women to be beneath them for them to feel good about themselves? It shows how so many of them aren’t truly confident or as powerful as they think they are because truly confident and capable people can succeed without stepping on people’s heads or sabotaging other people’s efforts. It also shows how many men have a lot of hate in their hearts for us because a truly good person doesn't want to succeed at others' expense. They want everyone to be successful because they know that there is enough success to go around.
Lastly, men know that they can't admit the truth - which is that they don't really like intelligent women. They know that that would be controversial and sexist to say out loud so they do what most people do: they give the correct answer; the answer that society expects them to give while their true, sinister feelings stay within their heads.
This is the story of my life and a huge reason why I’m wary about dating again. They all “love” my intelligence and insight and accomplishments … until it overshadows them.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I have but no means a luxurious life but everything I have I've worked hard for and am accomplished and educated. Every man I've been with seems ok, even excited about this at first but ended up resenting me later. It's mind boggling. They get sooooo jealous and I've had a few dismiss my hard work because I got help from my family once or twice. Any time I would talk about my accomplishments or good things happening to me there was always an undercurrent of jealousy or I would be told I was "bragging" when sharing good news with my partner. My god.
The funniest part is these men had equal or better circumstances compared to me and were STILL so insecure. There was literally no excuse for them not being accomplished, educated or learning a new skill/hobby.
Mens goal is ruining women with greater potential than they have. worst of all Pickme mothers are always holding their daughters back because they don’t want their daughter to get highly successful men or become successful so that those men will notice her. They want other women to end up as them. No man high in quality in her life so that shell become a celibate. Pickme mothers are even worse than men.
New York (City) and Southern California are full of men like this.
Consider yourselves forewarned.
Basically my ex in a nutshell. He was obsessed with "strong, smart, independent women" and also loved breaking them down. He regularly fantasized and wished for my total submission in bed. It's a sexual thrill to them. Ugh. He was also the type to play up my accomplishments to the outside world but not value them in private. His time and his work was always more important. He got mad at me for talking about myself in group settings for any length of time, while he himself could monologue for hours. Like Lundy Bancroft observes so accurately, he was simultaneously afraid of me coming off worse AND better than him. In the first case I'd embarrass him, in the latter case I'd overshadow him, so he played games of "build you up and break you down" constantly. I always talked too much, or not enough. I was too confident, or not enough. You just can't win with these men.
My red flags list:
- They are evidently surprised when you tell them your job / career.
- Bonus: they ask "how" you got the job you have. What kind of question is that?
- They make any type of derogatory comments or talk badly about about your job / career / industry / position, knowing it is what you do. They may talk from their own experiences, they may not criticise your job as such, but take note of their attitude. If it's like "I had a bad experience, I guess it's not for everyone, hats off to you for making a career out of it, I know how difficult it is" that's probably ok! If they are writing off the whole thing without nuance, it's a red flag.
It's abuse and coercive control. Whether it is sabotage of your career or education it is a way to prevent you from becoming financially independent of him. "Educational sabotage is a form of coercive control that directly affects a survivor's efforts to obtain educational credentials...This form of violence is used by one of the partners as a means for furthering their own power and control over the other partner.... Educational sabotage is considered a form of intimate partner violence."
A study published in the journal Violence Against Women by a domestic violence expert at The University of Texas at Arlington focuses on an overlooked form of psychological abuse -- educational sabotage.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191003093730.htm#