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Hello queens! I have been working my way out of horrible dating advice I received that took me down roads where I was taken for granted, straight-up ignored and used. Here is what I heard that you can avoid:
X Go where all the men are!
No for multiple reasons. Men are usually focused on other men in male centric spaces, not women. Having a woman there will cause resentment and even outright hate. Think of your grandmothers, did they linger around bars and sports clubs? No! Going where men are gives men even less incentive to chase or pursue you.
X Pick up a male centered hobby!
No for multiple reasons. Making men the center of your social life will lead to disaster. Men don't appreciate it and you aren't doing yourself any favors by putting anybody than yourself first. Do the hobbies YOU want to do.
X Be super friendly!
Men today love bitches. I don't know if it's Resting Bitch Face, the fact that we remind them of their overworked and tired and taken for granted mothers, whatever it is, being a sweetheart won't get you anywhere. Maybe it did when men were actually sane but they sure as hell don't act sane these days.
X Give him the benefit of the doubt!
No, why? Men DO NOT give us the benefit of the doubt. They throw us trust tests all the time, creep our social media etc.
X Show him you appreciate him with gifts and sex!
NO ! Men think gifts out of nowhere are weird a lot of the time, and he will not reciprocate after you make the first move. Men's brains do not work that way. They don't think "gee she's great, I better step up my game!" They think, "wow what a sucker, giving me gifts for nothing, how long can I get away with it?" SEX is a very serious act between two people and shouldn't be bandied about lightly. STDs are on the rise in the west, many men don't ever get checked, putting women in incredible harm. Casual sex is a big NO (read the Handbook). You do not have to get under someone new to forget about someone else, you don't have to have sex on the third date, you don't have to do revenge sex, none of that shit.
X Make the first move, it's the 21st century!
I don't care what century it is, men haven't progressed THAT much. You could be the most confident woman in the world but making the first move comes across as desperation to men (even if it isn't!) Get used to walking away.
X Go fifty / fifty on dates, it's the right thing to do!
No it is not, men feel emasculated when you do this and resent you for it. Save your money!
X Be CHILL - go with the flow!
What if the flow sucks?? NO. We all have biological clocks here.
X Try, try again!
Take it from me, if he doesn't want you, you will only make it worse for yourself by hanging on. No "friendships", no late-night texts, none of that shit. Cut him out, move on and get used to the sound of your ass walking away.
Thst casual sex is just how it is these days and after a while one of them may decide they want to be exclusive “my friends met on tinder they were causal for a year and eventually decided to be exclusive!”
No.
🤡 Any advice surrounding "sex compatibility", especially early on in the dating phase.
🤡 Give a chance to the guy you have turned down for months/years.
🤡 Offer to pay half on the first date to establish that you're an independent woman.
🤡 To get over someone you have to get under someone.
🤡 Any advice that dismisses & argues against the "If they wanted to, they would" mantra (I see this a lot on Twitter).
Courtesy of a website that will not be named: Communicate, if a man isn't doing what you want, surely you just need to talk to him! If a person doesn't care or understand what you say, it is useless to talk more to them. That's why nagging doesn't work. And there is the bare minimum that someone should remember like a birthday. You should not have to tell someone about the importance of your birthday.
"He is just shy. Make the first move. I always did that and they ended up liking me too." (my mom)
Benefit of the doubt is the worst ugh and so common. Predators bank on that shit. And hard agree on them shit testing us and checking our phones/socials. They check our phones unapologetically, take their lead ladies.
I had to quit a podcast recently because one of the women said "I would NeVeR eVeR cHecK my oWn bOyFrieNdS PhOne" and "ghosting is cowardly and a cop out" in the same episode. A woman who is too cowardly to look at her mans phone, because she knows shes gonna find exactly what she fears, is telling me that I owe STRANGE MEN closure and explanations. GTFO of here with that doormat shit.
Coffee dates or walk dates will be less Akward ! 🤡
Move in Together to see we are compatible living together 🤡
dont play games with men 🤡 lol that’s a pick me speaking.
offer to pay half the bill. Lol 😂
go with the flow aka be a doormat
dressing overly sexy on date !! Nope 👎
sharing your Traumas and last with him in order for him to open up 🤡
be a cool girl and let him hang out with his childhood best friend girl 👎
OPer: "making men the center of your social life will lead to disaster" Also OPer: men today love bitches (a woman who has strong boundaries and self respect but is called a gendered derogatory SLUR (just incase some of us forgot that, that word is a slur) since most men really do not like her because they are excluded from her dating pool) so be a woman who is a "bitch" 🤨 The other points you make are on point (lol) but I really can't stand a woman with self respect being referred to as a "bitch" nor that a woman should be a "bitch" because men like those types of women/girls
- "Men mature later than girls" (subtext = so cut him some slack and do his share of the emotional labour/relationship work for him/mother him) - "He's a guy, guys can be oblivious"/don't communicate etc (same as above)