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Sorry ladies if I’m repeating this again.
I made a post a few days back about a friend I got intimate with a then had a fall out with.
I took the advice you ladies gave on how I can do better and I have been working towards it.
However, I started going to the gym and yesterday I met him there, he said he wanted to talk to me. He started apologizing and said he missed me and had feelings that was why he acted that way blah blah. He said alot, we talked for a long time and I ended up telling him it was cool but that I’m not sure how I feel about being friends but I was going to think about it.
We ended up leaving the gym together because I came with my neighbor who is also friends with him, and my neighbor drove us to the gym so he asked my neighbor to also drop him off cause he didn’t come with his car. So on our way we all talked and joked around.
We also ended up at this guys place because my neighbor wanted to get something from the guys brother ( he also friends with his brother , we all live in the same area so we are all friends ). While we were waiting for his brother to come see my neighbor, we ended up all talking and joking around. I also have a bad habit of easily forgiving people once they apologize. Even though deep down I didn’t want to be there laughing and talking with him , I also didn’t wanna seem like a bad person and ignore him while I was there.
Before I left, he told me he didn’t think it would be so easy for us to start talking again, it kinda pissed me off cause I was only there cause I didn’t wanna walk home and my neighbor was going to drop me off since we came together and I also didn’t wanna be rude and not talk with him.
I know this is all bad on my side but I still don’t have the heart to tell people off, I always forgive so easily even when I don’t want to.
But I still told him I hadn’t completely thought about his apology, he then said he has done his part and his conscience is clear so the ball is in my court, it was all so annoying to hear that.
Now I really don’t want to be cool with him or talk , but I’m always going to see him at the gym and we have mutual friends that come there so it’s always going to be weird if I don’t talk to him.
Is it worth it to actually stop going to the gym to avoid seeing him and talking with him.
Do I start working out at home or going for runs instead, I was really liking and putting my head into losing weight and building muscle as suggested and don’t wanna stop cause of him but I also don’t ever want to see him again, I just want to leave the past in the past.
I can’t really afford the other gyms around my area.
What would you ladies suggest? Thank you
Ugh, he sounds annoying as hell. Translation for "didn’t think it would be so easy for us to start talking again": you're surprisingly easy to reel back in 😏
Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into feeling like you're in the wrong and he has done the right things. His conscience is clear? He can fuck right off with that!
I'm a non-confrontational person, too. I rarely tell anyone off.
Getting confrontational isn't always a good tactic anyway, often it just provides an opening for more back and forth. No thanks.
What I do when I'm stuck in a group with a man I don't want to talk to: I straight up pretend he's not even there. I don't talk to him, not even to say hi. When he's in my line of sight, I look past him as if he's invisible.
I can tell you nobody else in the group ever seem to notice (or if they do, they don't want to get involved). I've done that with two guys so far - neither of them have said a damn thing about it, likely for fear that they would just end up embarrassing themselves.
It can feel awkward. But the awkward feeling passes. And then it's so liberating to just not talk to men you don't want to talk to.
Or you can do the bare minimum like caffeinated_kittycat said. The problem is, it can be so hard to draw the line on what is "just enough to be polite". It can feel rude to stop engaging after initial politeness, or even have a good grasp on where the stopping point is - that's something that can get us into trouble. Oh, but I do have one suggestion for a way to stop a conversation dead that doesn't feel "rude". Pretend you're having trouble hearing what the guy said, until he gives up. 😆
For me, at least, it's easier to just throw politeness out the window right off the bat when it comes to these guys, and just put them on real life "ignore" mode. 🤣
You can keep the conversation to a minimum. Just be polite but guarded, and don't engage with him if he tries to take it further. If you keep engaging with his b*llshit, it will drain you and delay healing, he might even attempt to reel you back in. I know it's easier said than done.
If you know his gym schedule, try going at different times. If seeing him really takes a toll on you mentally, there are plenty of resources for working out at home that require no to basic equipment. I can give you suggestions, if needed.