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so disclaimer, unnatractive IS subjective.
Now I have one divorced aunt who won't leave me alone. She keeps trying to set me up with a guy who everyone around knows I'm out of his league. Like I'm not a supermodel or anything but I take care of myself and have built a great life for myself. I've already told my aunt twice I'm not interested and AGAIN she's trying to set me up with him. I honestly don't know how to deal with this. At one point she tried to set me up with a cashier and told me to "find a man to stay home and you can work" like girl what. Lmao I honestly feel like a ticking time bomb around her and I'm also a recovering people pleaser. What is the best way to tell people to F off trying to set me up? How do you stay a high value person in situation like this? Leave it alone? Say something?
When people are pushing your boundaries you don't have to be polite, even though they are older and related to you. There's no other way than to be blunt. "Stop setting me up with men, I don't want to do it." You don't need to give an explanation, other than you don't want to. "No" is a full sentence. If she STILL keeps pestering you, get nasty. "If he's so wonderful, why don't you date him then?" or something like that. If this interaction is via text or call, you can tell her that if she keeps doing this you'll block her number. And yes, it WILL be scary! Nothing is scarier than learning to set boundaries as an adult when you're a recovering people pleaser and have had basically no practice. Trust me, I know. But you've got this!!
I have a blunt and forward personality. Personally, I would straight up tell her he’s ugly. Tell her you’re not going to date someone you’re not attracted to. It’s not fair to you, and it’s also not fair for him because he deserves someone who’d love him. I’d even go further to drill in the point and say he’d make ugly kids.
Any time anybody is trying to "set you up," they're actually setting you up. In the bad way. They're basically saying you aren't able to discern what's better for you over some idea they have in their head. Could be the nicest guy, but whoever is trying to make a decision like that for you doesn't feel like your opinion matters.
She's a pick me.
"I'm not interested in dating right now. If that changes, I'll let you know. Until then, please don't set me up with anyone"
She hates you! I'd go low or no contact because when someone sets you up that shows how THEY see you. If she's trying to set you, a beautiful and sucessful woman, up with ugly losers who have NOTHING then she hates you. Hard reality to accept, but she's likely incredibly jealous and wants to ruin your life by getting pregnant and trapped by a worthless, LV scrote. I'd distance myself greatly from such a woman because she has bad intentions for you.
Silence is gold, when she brings it up ignore her. When she ask when you are going to give him a chance ignore. When you will go on a date with him ignore.
If you don't ignore then they will push boundaries, When ppl ask questions that I don't like I don't respond to it, they will get it sooner or later.
Or turn it around and ask her why won't she date him? If he's such a good guy then why not stan in line for a date? Pickme mother behaved this way too " Ooh look that man is watching you, or that man looks cute"
I told her several times to stop it so one day I apporach the man she wants to pick for me and I told him "my mother fancies you" And she stopped when the dude felt uneasy and she was embarassed.
I always believe who that doesn't want to listen will be put in place. If telling someone to stop doesn't work then it's time for actions.
I get itttt lmao. I have nosy aunts too.
Others have mentioned things you can say. Definitely give it a try, sometimes it works. If it doesn't work, maybe try grey rock.
I practice grey rocking nosy people by weaponizing "selective deafness" lol. If she says anything related to setting you up, just pretend you don't hear anything. Talk/call to somebody else, pretend to be suddenly occupied with your phone, change the topic, pretend you remember something and have to go, etc. But, be attentive if she talks about something else to make the difference jarring.
People like her are similar to bullies, they'll get tired if you don't react.
I'd tell her, "If he's not a multi millionaire, I'm not interested." Because that's hoe I am in real life. If he's not worth a lot more than me, he can't do anything for me. I'm not into building a man.
I think it's ok to let her know she's hurting your feelings by trying to fix you up with someone, she might be trying to help but it hurts to have someone meddle in a personal choice of life partner, it's a serious choice. As a divorcee she should understand better than anyone how important it is & it's undermining your freedom of choice.
Not sure how well it would work....but can't win if you don't play! Perhaps this is an opportunity to educate her on what your standards are (at least bare minimum right) and ask that they only suggest men that meet said standards. They may not agree with you but MAYBE it will help them get to the point a little faster?