I'm in my late 30s. I divorced a low value husband before I found FDS. I can only presume that there are other women here who have had similar experiences to me.
My ex is a pretty good dad- to be honest, he's a much better father than either he or I had. That did not make him a good partner, however.
(Savannah's sister said something on the podcast that described this very well: My ex-husband viewed marriage as a commitment on *my* part, not necessarily on *his* part. Strangely he understands that he needs to be committed and in it with our kids. Our kids are allowed to have needs, but I was not. Once I stopped viewing it as my job to foster the bond between my ex-husband and our children, I quickly realized that there was nothing left to our marriage other than a whole lot of unreciprocated work on my part.)
While it is easier to get along with him as our kids get older, I often find myself getting frustrated and I think to myself, "Well this is why we got divorced in the first place!" It also still stings that I am the primary provider, monetary and otherwise.
Nobody wants to get a divorce and especially nobody wants to get into a contentious divorce, but it's better than saying with a low value man. (Trust me on this.) Is there a way to have an amicable divorce without continuing to just go along to get along? Part of the reason I left was because I didn't want my kids to view me as a doormat, and I still don't.
Good that you got out of that situation...probably easier said than done. You get to a point where you realize there's nothing to work with. Nor will there ever be (these LV men don’t change…their disordered mindset/character runs deeper than you can reach, nor would you want to, because frankly, you can’t polish a turd). A good question to ask with most situations “is this acceptable for me?” Credit for that line comes from Tracy, author at: https://www.chumplady.com/ I'd also look there for some of the answers you seek.