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They’ve been together for 5 years or so now and he appears to treat her very well. However there was a point in time 3 years ago where he absolutely broke her heart. Apparently he was going to try to be single so that he could learn not to be codependent. However, he jumped back on dating apps and soon found another woman he wanted to latch onto.
He only dated this girl for maybe two or three months before breaking up with her. A month later he was begging for my friend back. Saying he took her for granted and never will again type of speech I’m sure. Took a month or two before she accepted him as her boyfriend again and it has been two years since that all went down. They seem to be doing well now and like they have a future planned together.
But I don’t trust him because of what he did. I found it really suspicious because to me; it felt like he wanted to see what was out there and realized my friend was the best he could ever do. I don’t know, for that - he rubs me the wrong way… We’re in our mid twenties now. I know we all make mistakes, but I just don’t think he deserves her. I wonder if I’m being too harsh on my judgement here, but I don’t want my friend’s heart to be broken again. I just think any man can act nice, but I question his loyalty to her. I don’t think he’s a cheater, but definitely feel my friend is in way too much of a vulnerable position here. What would you tell your friend?
Yeah when a man leaves and comes back, it’s not a compliment. Also, she’s into forever gf territory.
I'd tell her about FDS. Say it has helped you and others you know a lot, and that even if you are in a relationship it can be really empowering. The podcast is entertaining, that might be a good start. Once a woman finds FDS it's only a matter of time before the wheels start to turn. She might leave him, she might level up her relationship (expect more).
Your analysis of the situation is spot-on. I second the suggestion of introducing her to FDS so your friend can realise for herself that he was dishonest in his intention when claiming he wanted to be single, and that he may well do that again if he ever thinks again that he can do better.
No, just straight tell her that you think her bf only came back because she was the best he can do. There’s not much you can do since it’s her decision after all. You know like you can lead a horse to water but not make the horse drink the water. Also, this might be harsh but if she continues to stay with the bf after you gave her your warning, she might be a pick me.
Definitely tell her about FDS, but be gentle about it. Has she asked for your opinion or would this be unsolicited? The last thing you want to do is push her more firmly into the arms of this scrote, who most definitely ditched her for greener pastures only to realize his market appeal wasn't quite what he thought it was and came running back.
I'm interested to know whether they are equally matched in the looks department. Guys like this usually think they are much more attractive than they really are, and if they can find a pickmeisha to comfort them after facing the cold, hard reality that most women don't want them, they will string her along indefinitely while continuing to indulge their porn addiction, always on the lookout for someone "better" to come along (dream on, loser).
I was in your friend's position and took my nvm ex back. In hindsight, he hadn't met with the romantic success he was anticipating and decided to "settle" for me again. After we got back together, his attitude towards me declined even further, clearly expecting that he would be recompensed for the downgrade by being kept like a pampered lapdog, not expecting to work or contribute to family life in any significant way, nitpicking and criticising every chance he got, completely uninterested in sex with me (still into porn though). On the surface, it looked like we were doing quite well. Trust your gut. I'd lay bets he's not nice at all.
You‘re a good friend, and I’d be wary of the guy too. I’d low key be on the lookout for a better man for her, and once I found a dude, trying to invite them to the same events. Actually…. now that I think about it….one of my good friends who really didn’t like my ex introduced me to my husband while i was still dating him 🤣 she did some stellar vetting, as we’ve been together for well over a decade.
I have a theory about my friends husband who pulled a similar stunt. They had been dating and cohabiting for a good number of years. When she got serious about taking the next step towards marriage he “freaked out” and broke up with her. I heard from a mutual friend who saw him on the dating apps immediately. They ended up getting back together and getting married eventually. My theory is that he is smart enough to know that he could get laid one more time (or try) before settling on one woman forever, he knew she was invested enough that he could pull a “freak out” stunt and she would take him back once he “came around to marriage”.
To the lurking scrotes, you’re not sneaky … we see you. 👀👀👀
It's literally only men who do that shit. When women leave and look for more, she always finds it. I don't think you're being harsh in judgement at all.
I’d be honest with my friend if I was in your position. As someone commented, she’s gonna be the “forever girlfriend” - he’ll use her now and toss her away again the first chance he gets to be with a woman he ACTUALLY wants to build a future with. Spare her to go through that again.
He came back because he could not do better. I bet the other woman dumped him.
Send your friend the handbook. And I bet if you tell her to dig around his socials or internet history, there’s definitely signs of either porn addiction, following IG models, and other sus things. He’s an overall POS, and he’s going to show his true self to he.
Did you tell her how you felt about him when they got together a 2nd time?