.png)
They seem friendly in real life but as soon as you start talking to them over the phone or sms they become extremely tiresome and boring.
If I was the one who starts the chat first and they aren’t really feeling like it then I assume it’s my fault, but they are the ones who start a conversation.
So most chats usually go like this.
“Hi want to chat?”
”Yes I do, What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything you want”
“Look dude If you start a conversation with a woman you would mention the topics you want to talk about instead of expecting me to keep the conversation going”
“I know but I just don’t know what to say”
“Goodbye dude,”
The reason why I get annoyed is when you want to talk about sex and ask them what they would do to you if they had you for one night then they could text a whole trilogy about that. The problem is that in most cases I need to explain to them how to talk to a woman like they are a bunch of children. While with women even elderly women I can chat a whole hour with them and it feels like only a few minutes have passed. I don’t believe women are more chatty than men, It’s just that women can come up with topics that doesn’t revolve around a man’s ding dong.
By not helping to carry the conversation, they are shifting the emotional/mental labour to the woman. Oh and using weaponised incompetence to do so (as you point out, they could do it and do it when it is something they care about eg sex).
As we say - if he wanted to, he would. Guys who can’t do the work to carry a conversation- red flag in my book.
You’re not alone and thank you for bringing this up because it absolutely grinds my gears.
A lot of men are boring and have boring lives which leaves them with not much to talk about. They are empty vessels so they can only give what they have which is: nothing.
Since most men think that they’re better than us, so many have the arrogant view that we are the ones that need to drive the conversation. They have an attitude of “impress and entertain me”.
Also, a lot of them don’t know what to say to a woman outside of flirting or talking about sex. Since a lot of them think that the only reason they should be talking to a woman is because they want to sleep with her, they have no clue what to say to us outside of sexual talk. I think some of them have things to say but since they view men as human, they have actual conversations with them but they don’t seem to understand that we’re human too so they don’t understand that they can talk to us about many things too. They don’t seem to realise that we’re human beings with minds, ideas, viewpoints, etc, who can have conversations on many topics.
I think it's because theyre lazy and want women to talk at them rather than with them. They want someone else to stimulate them with conversation otherwise it just goes in one ear out the other. Active listening and conversing is a skill... men dont like it that I'm just as lazy as they are and when they open dm with me im usually boring too lol. I will NOT start a conversation. have had a lot of OLD dating match conversations fizzle out because men just dont talk, dont ask, dont converse and when they do it's boring- hell even when they bring up sexual topics its always PP oriented, if its any thing on female pleasure suddenly they go into fanfic mode and start talking about how they're sex gods. just another example that men want women's attention but do nothing to deserve it.
None of these comments have addressed that men love to talk about themselves incessantly, especially when they are a boring person with no fun, interesting, or relatable experiences or opinions. The less they have to say, the more they blather on.
I can relate. There are so many conversations in my online dating messages that are like that. Recently, I had one that could carry a conversation (is the bar that low? idk). We shall see where this goes. If there is anything these last few years of non-dating and leveling up FDS style has taught me, is that I will let fate take its course and continue living my "rich-life" with the FDS friends in my circle.
Just ghost them if you think convo is getting boring. No need to show any emotion or explain yourself. They are biologically incapable of understanding it.
Another thing I just remembered to add is that seeing as having meaningful and deep conversations requires one to be ready to open themselves up and be vulnerable, women are more ready to do that than men. Deep conversations can make you emotionally bond with someone and since that scares some men while others just have no interest in getting deep and bonding with anyone, they choose not to have deep conversations. They don’t have them with friends, with female romantic partners or anyone generally. I honestly feel that that is why so many of them are bored and lonely. Living your life on the surface without any depth will make you feel depressed and lonely because there is no meaning to your life.
I had a dude literally read questions from a BOOK on our predate call (he told me and I could hear the pages flipping). It was SO AWKWARD 💀
Omg. Men are the most boring creatures alive. I talked about it a little with how plainly they speak, how few know how to speak in complex sentences or even use big words. It’s exceptionally hard for men who are even college educated to form sentences more complex than “I am happy” or “today was a good day.” Finding a man who can properly hold a conversation is like finding a needle in a haystack. It sucks. Especially when even the women I know who didn’t go to college know how to speak and hold meaningful, deep conversations.
Ugh, I also HATE how men will hear about your creative hobbies (writing, drawing, painting, ceramics, etc) and interrupt you to talk about how they THOUGHT about doing that. Not actually did it, not actually bought the supplies or did a class. But just THOUGHT of doing it. Like, I am a writer and I LOVE ceramics. I am very proud of my work. I have it displayed in my home. My friends and family also have my work I gifted them displayed in their homes, too. It is always a conversation starter as these pieces are beautiful and I’m very proud of that. I worked very hard to make them. But the convo from men generally tends to be: “oh, I thought about doing that” or “I could do that.” Like, dude? Bffr. And it’s worse with writing because I print mine out chapter by chapter to proofread/edit/revise it and one ex of mine DEADASS picked up chapter 11, read a paragraph, set it down and said, “I don’t get it.” No shit sherlock!
I’m sure the same is true for other hobbies concerning men, but omfg. Ladies, protect your peace at ALL COSTS.
"So you're too dumb to talk?"
Yeah, men are quiet and “don’t know what to say” but if you suggested dirty talk or any sexual conversation, then they suddenly have material.
I find most men to just not be very funny. Ever play quiplash with a bunch of men? Half the answers are just dick jokes. I'll completely destroy them in quiplash just to be called the "funniest girl they know" no I'm probably the funniest person you know but you don't want to admit that.
*asks any man about the last book he read*
*crickets* 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗
Most men are like this for me, yeah. I'd rather be single.