Am I being a bad feminist by posting thirst traps?

Its not just about being hypocritical. Male validation won't bring you long lasting healing after being in a tough relationship. It won't empower you. You'll get a better return by investing your efforts in your own well being.

I don’t know if you can see it yet, but this shows that your ex still has power over you. You want him to see photos of you as some way of getting back to him that you’re out here living your best life. I can assure you it won’t work. He doesn’t care. He still wins because he can wank over whatever he wants and all the social media likes in the world won’t fill the void in you that is desperate for validation. You are seeking male validation which is deeply toxic and meaningless. Men will thirst over literally anything they can stick their dick into. Dick is abundant and inherently low value. Seek to develop your internal validation skills. Ask yourself why you need the validation of strangers on the internet (i.e. likes and follows). Do the work and learn to make peace with yourself. The more you invest in your emotional intelligence and self-acceptance, the less you’ll need to rely on the validation of strangers.

you dont want a man who watches " Instagram or who followed hundreds of Instagram models" but you create that content now for other bfs/husbands/men... ? got it

Why do you want to post thirst traps? Attention, validation, revenge or freedom? Do you want scrotes jerking off to you? Asking yourself these questions are important. We do dumb shit when we feel like shit.

I think even asking yourself and us these questions shows insight and self evaluation. you do not need to post photos like that in order to feel better about your self. But I understand the urge! You want to qualify and exhibit your worth to your ex/the world in a way that HE values. so you are sort of still operating within HIS paradigm instead of figuring out how to carve out a new way to discover it for yourself. It will take a while to figure out how to do this but you will get there. Maybe get onto your affirmations one I use is “I am the goddess reincarnated, perfect in mind, body and spirit”, or “I am perfect whole and complete“ or just looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself “I love you”. lol these helped me but may not be for everyone! Xxx

I have seen your posts history, I remember your posts about that scrote, and how FDSers were warning you about him. Congrats for breaking up with that loser

You deserve to feel sexy, and you've worked hard to get that satisfaction. You want the world to see your triumph to achieve a very hard goal. I can relate to that feeling so much. For myself it's a exiliberating/liberating, to achieve personal goal. As a practice, I've started to write down the things I want to post online about myself and why I want to share, then wait 24hrs before doing so. The next day, I will ask myself if this is something that I would want popping up 10 years down the road in a work environment; or would these pictures on the internet be something that would benefit me or harm me in the future, and is this to promote self-esteem or gain external validation. This is to protect myself and balance out my emotional impulse to overshare... Just something to think about.

I like the way I look in a bikini, too, but it's not something I would post these days.

You know those scammers who fool men into thinking they are chatting with an actual woman? Guess where they get their photos from? That's right, some unsuspecting woman's social media.

It's always the "sexy" pics they steal, too, for this type of thing.

Also, there's creeps out there who will track you down and stalk you. This happened to a friend of mine once.

It sucks that we can't just... not worry about that stuff. But that's the world we live in.

I'm a little woo-woo in my thinking, so I'm going to come at this from a different angle.

I don't think you're a bad feminist, to answer your initial question. There is little to be gained by subscribing harsh absolutes to qualify you for a title; when we leave no room for mistakes we begin to suffocate ourselves and that stifles our growth. It's a slippery slope into a shame cycle that will do nothing but sabotage any effort to bettering yourself.

You are still in pain and seeking validation for that pain. You are human, a hurt human, and we all can relapse into these behaviors when we are going through things.

With that said - posting thirst traps in the long run will not serve you, your healing or evolution. If your only drive to post those photos is to try to "stick it" to your ex, like other posters have said, it will not work. He will not care, and if he sees it right after your break up he will put two and two together, and it will just seem desperate to him. And HVM who may come across your posts will see that and that may reflect on you in a way you may not like down the line.

Ask yourself, truly, what you get out of the short-lived dopamine rush. What are some other ways you can feel better about yourself and help the process of moving on, that doesn't involve pandering to the male gaze? Perhaps if your impulse is to post, taking a break and deactivating your account may be helpful until it gets out of your system.

You've made a HUGE step for your own happiness and wellbeing by dumping the scrote - don't let pick-me behavior sabotage that.

Again - there is no shame in your reaction. You are human so sit with those desires and feelings, take a deep breath, and get to work on finding other, more productive and fulfilling ways to ease your hurt. It's NOT easy. But it IS doable and you will be grateful to yourself in the long term.

Good luck, Queen

Hey Girl, maybe you should uninstall Instagram for a while. Your hot girl summer doesn't have to be displayed on the 'gram but how you live your life. You could do 1001 different things than becoming another hashtag, be the outlier.

You don’t need to post thirst traps to be sexy or feel sexy. I dress modest and elegant but I feel so damn sexy every time i look in the mirror and leave my house. You can tell when someone is confident in themselves and give off sexy vibes even fully clothed. It’s your attitude, how you carry yourself and how you feel about you. Your body is a secret garden not a public park ♥️♥️♥️

It's not about feminism. It's about a lack of self-worth. Seeking validation from strangers is the pinnacle of insecurity. If you know you look good, you don't need a bunch of horny scrotes, who would stick their dick in anything, to verify that. Guys will fuck mud. Having a dude get a hard-on over your photos proves nothing about who you are or your value. Put your energy toward things that will actually make you feel better about yourself while adding value to your life. This is not it.

First, it's good that you asked the question before posting. You are second guessing your feelings because your intuition is correct. This is the learning and growing process, so no shame here.

Objectifying yourself is full speed patriarchy - as are "thirst traps" and "hot girl summer". Who comes up with this language and who is it directed towards? Young women. For a reason.

What do you think you’d get to think and feel about yourself if you posted “hot” photos and lots of guys told you they were sexy? Why can’t you just think those things now, by validating YOURSELF?

In my experience enacting pick me behaviour, no matter how much I told myself I had other reasons, led me to overvalue male attention.

Fitness, bikini/swimsuit pics aren't bad as long as you're not doing outrageous, sexual poses. But I don't think you should do it right now, because you're clearly doing it for his or other male's validation. There's better ways to show that you're out here living life without thirst traps. In the meantime, I think a boudoir photoshoot would be great 👍🏾 just keep it to yourself or show your close female friends.

Just take cute pics for yourself and keep them in a private folder.

If you're posting them online...then they are for others.

Remember, a HVM shouldn't want to date you just because of some revealing pic he saw on your socials. He should want to get to know you as a person, and a cute pic of you in a cardigan buttoned up to your neck should be enough to identify you as a person if you must have a social media presence. Remember--men have an imagination for a reason.

As the French say--you don't start a meal by serving dessert. It's too much, too soon and too obvious.

I don’t think it’s about being hypocritical but I would examine your intent here. I have an ex friend who did this after a major breakup and it came across as sad and not empowering. I think thirst traps after a breakup set back your healing process. You can book a boudoir shoot and keep the photos instead of posting them online if this is really about empowering yourself and not seeking validation. Another healthier option is to make a list of all the things that you neglected during your relationship with your ex or things you’re looking forward to doing and invest your energy there. The momentary validation will not make you feel better. Trust me.

Wondering why? Is this revenge on men because of your ex? Of course you can do what you want but I would suss out why you feel the need to do this (or any behavior you feel you have to check with your peer group). Something sounds off. Maybe a deep think or journaling might help you figure this out?

Yes, you are being hypocritical, and also posting thirst traps doesn't have anything to do with feminism as a practice to liberate us from male violence and patriarchy.

On the other hand, who cares?

Sometimes you gotta do what you wanna do because there is learning there you won't access any other way.

The others who have framed this as not being great for you in the long run are wise.

Yes, women can do what we want! (Most especially if it serves us up for male assessment and consumption...you go girl!)

The shift from not liking it when other attractive women were around to wanting to do your own thirst trapping seems like a meaningless one vis a vis your own well-being and our collective liberation.

Hey you asked!

But really, do what you want...learn from it and prosper.

So, I'm curious. How do you do risque without some nudity?