Am I asking too much?

Yes, I would say you’re asking too much by expecting your man to never look “for a second too long” at another woman. He would be asking too much to expect the same of you with other men. Humans are visual creatures and looking is natural, especially when someone is unusually attractive. However, it is not asking too much for your man to never let you feel like anything less than his one and only. If he is staring lewdly at women, let alone in your presence— If he is flirting with other women in front of you or via text/social media/phone etc. — If he is comparing you to other women, especially unfavorably— If he is commenting on other women’s bodies or comparing yours to theirs— If he is doing *anything* that a reasonable person would consider disrespectful or disloyal— Then it’s time to next him, sis. We don’t expect perfection from men but their presence in our life should overwhelmingly be a net positive. If it isn’t, lose the scrote and move on. If your man is doing things that would make any woman jealous, then he can have those other women he so enjoys staring at and flirting with. There’s only room for one queen in your castle.

“A second too long” tells me he’s been obvious enough for you to notice, therefore it’s disrespectful. Surely when you look at cute guys, you try to do it discreetly to not harm anyone? I think this is a fair ask. Men with wandering eyes tend to be cheaters.

"Am I asking too much" and "Is this a realistic standard" are two different questions. At FDS we don't standard shame for women who have high standards, however, the higher your standards are the more you must be willing to acknowledge that there may not be anyone who meets your standard. I want a man who loves the Lord, makes as much money as I do, is smart, has a sense of humor, and is someone I find attractive. I am not asking for too much, and yet it has been very difficult to find someone who meets this standard. I personally would rather be alone than lower my standards. You have to ask yourself this question, if no one meets my standard am I willing to be alone over it or would I rather settle and lower my standard. That is a question only you can answer. As for the realistic part, no, I do not think it is realistic that any man would only find you attractive but as another poster says, regardless of what goes on in his mind he should make you FEEL as though you are the only one he is attracted to. You should FEEL safe and secure in his love and attraction.

Here’s my take, but I think it depends on how you define “attraction”. Ideally, I want my partner to be ONLY attracted to me HOLISTICALLY- he’s attracted to me because he loves everything about me, he finds me very sexy and beautiful too, he is drawn completely to my aura, he’s fascinated by my true and authentic self, he’s smitten and follows me like a puppy dog haha, etc etc. By that logic, I want a man who is only “attracted” to me. But then there’s also other definitions off attraction. E.g, beauty standards— like when a male actor flaunts his abs on the big screen. Or when you love a certain singer’s voice. Certain kinds of dances draw me in too. There’s also attraction to unusual/remarkable/otherworldly things— if someone had bright pink eyes, amazing style or the most wildly creative hair, I’d stare and go wow! But then there’s also that completely primal, lust-filled attraction (which we tend to focus on as “attraction”) which is just anyone (or anything) that makes us h*rny. My sexuality might be different to others, but for me I think this can be trained/conditioned and muted. Not everyone will agree with me on this. Personally, I’d like to refrain from having this kind of attraction with others while in a deeply romantic relationship, because doing so just shows you direct your sexual energy and desires towards other people besides loving your partner. However, my hormones might change one day and I will think differently haha. Overall, I will only do this when a HVM is committed long term to me and satisfies me. LVM have problems/addictions here, so they don’t have any respect for others/partners and they let this basic level of attraction dictate their lives.