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Hi ladies, I really need an fds minded friend to set me straight, and I don't have any of those in person unfortunately.
I'm a low income single mother in my late 20's. I work hard and I'm in school trying to build a better life.
I've recently caught the attention of a man. He's 50 and a very weathy CEO. The income and age discrepancies between us are extreme. He has treated me very well, but we haven’t known eachother very long. The truth is I would never consider dating someone so much older if he wasn't so successful, and I feel dumb for allowing that to cloud my judgment. I can't lie that I find getting the opportunity to experience a lifestyle that I will never get to experience by myself very alluring.
So I'm asking what your limits are when it comes to age and wealth differences and also for the push I probably need to end things even though I don't want to.
Thanks in advance for your advice
Remember that he will probably expect you to be his caregiver In exchange for his *generosity*.
He will not be in a place to support and protect your children at that time, no matter what it says on papers documenting his assets.
This will be a horrible situation for you and great for him.
Look through caregiver organizations and ask them for advice on what to expect should you become a caregiver.
It is a horrendous experience that I wouldn’t recommend for you at this point in your life for this reason.
I barely was able to caregive for an elderly relative and earn a STEM degree at the same time, (much to my GPA's detriment) but the only way I was able to do it was because I never dated nor had any children to worry over.
You don't have that luxury.
I think there’s probably a reason that he doesn’t date a woman his own age. They don’t want him 😂
Also he seems to be praying on the fact that you are a young single mother who isn’t as financially stable as him.
I mean, FDS is pretty anti-age gap in general, but giving a more "if you're going to do it" answer (because you are a "full adult", not like 20):
Only date him if he treats you exactly as well as you'd expect a poor man to try to treat his dream girl. Do not lower any of your normally high standards for treatment because he has money. Money does not balance out bad treatment. If you aren't sure if you can do this, probably don't date him - this is pretty much the most important part.
Only date him if you actually find him sexually attractive, and can picture him in 10-20 years and that still be sexually attractive to you.
He should not be making you feel "tested" to prove you aren't a gold digger. He should be showing you his generosity early on and increasing it with time. (I don't mean nice dinners, I mean if he wants to have the exclusive talk then around that time he should also be thinking "hey her school is pretty cheap for me, let me handle that".) You should also be able to look at how he treats his family, friends, and community to see if he is generous.
"I wouldn't consider dating someone older if they weren't successful" is rational, that doesn't make you a gold digger. Also if someone is that much older than you, they should be more successful anyway simply because they've had more time to do it.
As far as your future role as his caregiver: it matters if he's just throwing money around or if he's actually saving for what caregiving costs. If he's rich he should be saving so that you can hire help when he's older to help offset this con of the relationship for you. More generally, he should understand the cons of the relationship for you to an FDS-extent and seek to mitigate them.
Picture him on top of you. Yay or nay?
Will the power imbalance shift your behaviour or push you offtrack from your own goals?
Would you be embarrassed to be seen in public with him?
The only way this situation could work is if you arrange it so that if it suddenly ended, you aren't pressed. But remember: never go into a situation expecting to be the exception.
My thoughts on you wanting the push to end things even if you don’t want to- you already know that this isn’t what you want.
And it sounds like you don’t want to listen, because the wealth will allow you to experience a type of lifestyle. Wanting that isn’t a bad thing, but through a relationship with a man- it’s not good for you & is inappropriate. It sets up a potential power dynamic, but also tells you internally that a man can come in your life and give you that- when you’re already on your way to building the life you want for yourself.
Most likely he's trying to see how down in age he can date with his CEO reputation, not providing for someone in substantial ways (real estate, paid school). What is his family situation like? Is he divorced? How well did his ex do in divorce? Does he really have the money and willing to spend it on you?
I hate to say it, but a lot of men think single moms = free sex.
Then you also have to think of safety for your children on top of that. Why even bother?
I'm sorry but this sounds like a Kdrama or fanfiction, except he will end up worse
I will add we met through a mutual hobby and haven't discussed money. Though I still worry I may be justifying an inherently inappropriate relationship