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This is my first post, so I hope I’m doing everything right.
so I’ve been seeing a guy for a while. About 4 months now. He’s not from the country where I live. But he lives here now. A few weeks ago he went back home for a visit and he comes back soon. while he’s been gone he has put in effort to text and set time aside to video chat. Which I’m happy about. but sometimes he pushes the conversation to make things more "sexy”.
im just wondering are texts like these always low value. He doesn’t ask for nudes or anything like that.
i think it can be fun, but I find most men that do things like that tend to be low value, especially when you barely know each other.
I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts about this.
The fact that he pushes sometimes means he’s done it more than once, which is disrespectful. You could always “COmmUNIcate” that you don’t want him to do that 😂 but I think you know the answer.
I think there are a couple of important things we would need to know. Is this guy your boyfriend of four months or have you just been going on dates for four months? If it was your boyfriend of four months and you are not saving sex for marriage, it might back sense that things turn sexual around that time, although it is a little weird/awkward that he would wait to turn things sexual until he is gone and do it over the phone rather than initiate sex in person. However the actual scenario seems to be that this man is someone you have just been going on dates with for four months in which case he should not be acting sexual at all and his behavior would definitely be low value. I don't think a guy should be sexual outside of exclusivity and commitment so I think that is a bad sign. I think it is also a bad sign that you having been seeing him for four months and he has not expressed a desire for exclusivity with you. You could keep seeing other people if you wanted but I feel like after 3 months of dates a guy should be desiring/asking you to commit to him and it is a sign of his low investment if he is not.
That's LV. period. State your boundaries and should they be crossed, block and delete. You do not need that kind of energy into your life Best to You, Sis <3
If y'all aren't officially in a relationship or haven't had sex yet then he shouldn't be pushing the conversation to sexy things Has he asked to be your bf? It's been 4 months. I personally think if he doesn't ask by the end of month 3, he should be cut off
I know this may sound crazy but I do think this is all part of a low effort game to syphon as much energy (resources) from you as a woman as cheaply as possible. It's an insideous way to sneak past boundaries. Like being "friends" first. Keep in mind men don't just want your body like they constantly lie about they want your emotional energy and mental energy and attention as well. All of these things don't seem like a big deal until you're wondering why you're so down all the time or tired without doing any exercise. Your boundaries should be air tight and that includes your sexual energy. It's been 4 months, what has he done to deserve that type of intimacy? You're not his wife and you're barely his girlfriend (he should be so lucky). When he tries to do this I would personally suggest just ignoring it. Humans, but I would say men more, are naturally exploitative and when they engage in these behaviors they're basically probing you for weakness. Your boundaries are how you teach people to treat you. They should be dead silent but imposing. And he should feel it in your actions and reactions. Don't have a conversation with him in my opinion cause again I believe boundaries are silent. Just start ignoring the sexts or changing the subject. If he brings it up just laugh and say I want to concentrate on getting to know you more or something.