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Hi girls, I'm looking for what advice I should give my friend about a man who is maybe interested in her.
They knew each other before he left our town, and they chatted every now and then. She thought he was interested in her. Anyway he finally came to visit (not to see her, just visiting his family), but he didn't make any actual plans until he arrived.
About a week after he arrived, he asked her to make plans with about 2 days notice. She says this is fine because it's just like any other man who is interested who lives nearby, you'd accept with 48 hours notice.
I kind of thought he should have made plans before he arrived or at least on the day of arrival. She says he was probably busy with family and tired from travelling.
I don't want to argue with my friend over this, so I'm open to hearing that her perspective on it is acceptable. But I also don't want her to get hurt. What do you think? Have you had experiences with men visiting?
She's the backup. If he was interested he would have made plans before his arrival
Who’s accepting dates w 48 hours notice? I’m way too busy prioritizing myself and my life to just give up whatever I have planned to go see a guy.
Plans include: dancing at my house alone, exercising, cooking, taking care of plants, doing nothing w myself all day, etc.
What's his actual plan here? Get some sex while he's in town because this woman he's been chatting with "now and then" and who he's been keeping confused happens to be there?
Also what are these plans? Do they look like "let's hang somewhere that isn't my family's house so we can bang" plans or "I've been pining for you and know this is my one chance to really bring it and lock down an LDR" plans? I'm guessing the former.
I don't do long distance. It puts you in a constant state of longing and artificial deprivation. So then when he comes to visit it's a rush of feel good, which is not realistic for a day to day relationship where there's more even keel balance of emotions and expectations.
I've waited for two guys before. One went away for 3 months on a work training camp (I won't say the profession). He faded out after he got back and we had sex for the first time. My most recent ex was a big traveler, travel nurse (who claimed to be setting down roots locally for the past few years but still), part time travel job, travel for friends and family visits, international travel. We only dated 3 months but he was gone the entire second half on back to back trips. It was lonely and neurotic after 3 weeks let alone 7 weeks. Could I have filled my life with more hobbies to distract me from loneliness? Yes, but he also text-dumped me on the DAY we were meant to see each other again, as I was literally getting into the car to see him.
So you CAN have a long distance or otherwise "waiting" period of a relationship with a man but it won't stop him from cheating, dumping and wasting your time. Really the worst part was realizing I could have been dating other men while he was doing God knows what in another city/country
If she wants to NON EXCLUSIVELY, NON SERIOUSLY date him while actively trying to date men locally, that's fine if she wants. But he needs to come visit her every two weeks or so otherwise he's not that interested and it's a waste of her time.