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I'm turning 30 in a few weeks and have been doing a lot of introspection. I've been focusing on decentering men and have been single AF as a result of it for years now. I think I have grown tremendously, at least mentally and emotionally. I haven't really grown much in my career and have been struggling with feeling stuck, but I am thankful to be paying the bills and keeping my shit together.
I tend to relate to older women and don't really have any friends my own age. I've kind of gotten used to just living life alone. I'm trying to get comfortable with the reality that I may be alone for the rest of my life. I'm just so tired of constantly being in survival mode.
What advice would you older ladies have for a woman approaching her 30s?
It sounds like you are lightyears ahead of where I was at that time, but the best advice I can give is the following:
Don't let anyone make you feel like you are "running out of time" for anything. It's simply not true and your best years, so far, will be this decade. You are going to have an absolute blast; trust me.
Have fun. Spoil yourself. Forget about making friends or even attracting a dude. When you're leveled up and in love with your life, these things come naturally if they are meant to.
You won't be alone for the rest of your life; this is only a season for you. Enjoy all the free time and self-support you are learning to build, because one day you might just be tied to a man and kids and unable to get even a small second to yourself to pee. Enjoy the freedom while it's here.
Go do the things you think you can't do. Just try them.
Get your exercise in check if you haven't already. You'll feel better.
Lots of married and unhappy grumps will throw a lot of shit your way for being single and happy. You'll probably start feeling a lot of flack for that from people. They are jealous that you have the freedom that you do right now. Don't let it bring you down.
Work on what you want to do with your career. It sounds like it's bugging you a little bit (I'm working on this, too).
When you do date, date rich and generous men ONLY. Flat out. LOL. Don't let broke dusties waste your time.
The whole world is against a woman fully realizing her freedom and enjoying it. So be sure to do just that.
Take extremely good care of yourself. You are the only person that you can guarantee will be in your life for the rest of your life. Learn about ultra-processed foods and avoid them whenever you can. Eat as cleanly as you can. Exercise, often.
Look after your money. Get an emergency fund. Pay off debt and try not to take on any more. Start saving. Once your savings have grown, think about investing. Learn as much as you can about investing first. Don't stop learning about how money works. Keep saving - even if you only have a tiny amount available at the moment.
Use your resources wisely and always in your own best interests. (These can be physical, emotional, mental, financial, resources etc.) So, for e.g., if you're short of money and find yourself having to ride the bus or train to work, you have the resource of the time involved in the bus/train ride available to you. Use that time to learn something, or read something or listen to a podcast that will help you to level up in some area.
Be bothered. By this I mean, when you're feeling like you 'can't be bothered' to do something that would be beneficial to you (because of a lack of time or motivation or whatever), force yourself to do it anyway! You'll always feel better for having done it.
I'm in my 30's rn. Life is good as long as you have sensible savings so you can have a little fun. I'm so much happier now that I'm 30. You will one day soon realise you are in fact in your best years and your 20s were nothing compared to what you have.
If you want to travel, travel while you have the energy and youth to do so. I once went on a tour that happened to be full of elderly folk and there was a lot of walking and stairs.
MONEY: I highly recommend saving and investing, even if it's just a little bit. There is no get-rich-quick scheme that isn't a scam, don't look into crypto or NFTs or something. Just a basic ETF fund, maybe some stocks, consistency. HEALTH: exercise is essential, also weight training! And by weights something heavier than yourself, nothing you can hold in your hand. We all begin to lose muscle mass as we age and we have to work quite intensely just to maintain some muscle, let alone grow any. You will thank yourself later and save a fortune in medical bills if you keep up your muscle strength! REPRODUCTION: if you want biological children later in life, consider freezing your eggs. I know many older women who would love to go back in time and change this one thing. SKIN: sunscreen is an actual fountain of youth. All the skincare you do now will pay off in a major way in the future. Also moisturize your neck and your hands! I'm closer to 40 now than I am to 30 and I can tell you, I just keep getting happier and happier with every passing year. We live in a very youth-obsessed society where especially women are told our "prime" is something like 15-21.. in a patriarchy women are seen as breeders and as we age past 30 we just need to step aside quietly. F that. I'm living my best life.
Prioritise your peace and freedom. Your career will not cheat on you.
I'm in my late 30s, and I'll add that if you've been blocking and deleting scrotes in your 20s, continue doing so in your 30s. Scrotes abound in all age brackets, but the average quality of single men in their 30s will take a nosedive. Fewer HVM will be single and available; the leftover single men are truly despicable, because they're the ones who can't get a date/wife even in a patriarchy that encourages women to marry the first half-decent man they meet.
Prepare to block and delete like there's no tomorrow.
Also, when you say you're tired of constantly being in survival mode, what would being beyond survival mode and into 'thriving' mode look like for you in all the different areas of your life? Write it down and make a list of all the things you'd need to do to get there. Take action every day! Just keep going! Think continuous improvement. What is one thing you could do each day to improve your situation in at least one of the areas on your list. Trust me - I've been doing this since I was your age and I'm 65 now. The continuous improvement thing never ends but I've had a great life and I've never met anyone that I would change places with. Just act as if you're never going to meet a HVM you will want to marry and live your life accordingly!