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When I was 22 and in university, I briefly dated a 28-year-old. I used to see it as a short, but lovely romance. Now I find the age gap problematic. I read an old journal entry about him. I had asked what his first impression of me was. He said I looked young.
In fact, I have been mistaken multiple times as under 18 well into my twenties.
In my early twenties, I'd say I enjoy dating casually. Never mind the emotional attachment I'd get to men who'd ghost and the sexual assaults and does this count? cases. Now I'm disgusted by those men who were late 20s to late 30s. I'm in that age group now, and I don't see 22-year-old college kids as potential matches.
I think we'd almost all agree that 9-10 years is too big a gap and 1-2 years is acceptable.
What do you queens think about more borderline age gaps? If a man was seemingly HV in other ways, would you be okay with a significant age gap? Or do you have a firm standard that you stick to?
I think I'd be okay with 2-3 years younger or 4-5 years older maximum.
I think this is a personal preference when we get into the gray areas, because people do have different lived experiences and location and culture can really change the dating pool. With that being said, I believe the younger people are the smaller the age gap should be. I’m 23 and would not date a man five years older than me and especially no man in his 30s. However, if someone is 35+ I wouldn’t be necessarily worried if they were dating someone a lot older say in their 50s bc they’re not that naive and childish anymore or at least they definitely should not be. A 35 y/o woman is much more likely to vet properly rather than a 25 y/o. For me, this changes if the relationship began when the younger person was under 25 or it the younger person is too close in age to the older person’s children. In fact, I’m very wary of parents who date people the same age as their children. It’s very off-putting to me. They can justify it in whatever way they want, but it still seems creepy to me.
I think age gaps are predatory. 1-4 years is acceptable to me, but four years is kinda… ew for me, too. Four years would be where he’d have to be the sexiest, richest, kindest, most HV man I’d ever laid eyes on. Rn I’m 22, so that might change as I get older. No offense to the older women here, but anyone over 27 literally feels geriatric to me. I have nothing sexual in common with them and the only men who are 27+ looking to date a woman my age are losers who can’t get women their own age. I stand by that. I have yet to meet a healthy age gap, too. It’s all predators and I’m firm on that belief. It makes my skin crawl. And like, I don’t give concessions for women about this cuz HV women can attract age appropriate partners and I’d also say that age appropriate partners are a part of being HV.
I don't like any gap. My exes and current bf were born the same year as me. I wouldn't necessarily want to date a younger guy either, so why date someone older? They tend to have more baggage too and will statistically die long before me anyway.
Personally, I stick to 2-3 years up and down. I think 4-5 years can be too much since you’re transitioning from one stage to another in life, but if that’s where people stop and make it the maximum age, then I respect that. I also think it depends on what stage of life you’re in because a 28 year old preying on a 22 year old is never a good sign. Your brain isn’t fully developed at 22. Meanwhile, someone who is 28 has had three years to have a fully developed brain. Unlike, a 22 year old who still has three years to go. In your early twenties, you’re still going to be naive, impressionable, and easily influenced since your brain is similar to that of a teenager’s. They have more life experiences than you even if “you feel mature at your age.” You’re both in different stages of life. Someone who just started their twenties, and someone who is turning almost thirty. Also, no, you don’t have to count whatever happened between you and your assaulter. Overall, I stick to 2-3 years up and down for personal reasons, but I understand if others 30 and over stick to 3-5 years and up down, and stick to that age gap for the rest of their lives. And don’t blame yourself. A 28 year old can see the naïveté on a woman very easily and take advantage of her very easily. Older women can certainly take advantage of younger men too, but it’s not as common as older men taking advantage of younger women. I’m sorry you went through all of this and I wish you healing
It is best to have a male partner of your own generation. In my case Gen Z (pluto in sagittarius)
I know FDS tends to demonize gaps over five years for women who are under 35, but I tend to see age gaps on these three lenses: 1. Emotional Maturity lenses. 2. Cultural lenses. 3. Place/position in life lenses. There are men “of a certain age” who don’t necessarily measure to younger women.
I don't think women should date anybody younger than them until they're in their 30s. 18 - 21 y/o should stay with their age to a max of 3 years older. 22 - 24 y/o should stay with their age to a max of 4 years older. Unpopular opinion, but depending on your city...I think 25 y/o can date up to a max of 5/6 years older. I'm biased lol, but I just feel like the 25 y/o men in my city are so stunted. I have my own place, car, a good paying job and I feel like the only men my age that have that are military 🤮. And they arent emotionally mature either . When I start dating again, I'm not dating anybody below the age of 28. If I was back in NYC or another city with a big young professionals crowd that want to really live and experience life before having a family...I wouldn't mind dating somebody my age. But the civilians in my city just want to have babies, mooch off of their parents, go to the same 4 nightclubs and stay in the same crappy job they hate for years. It's truly the ghettooo 😭
Acceptable age gap is 5 years, but even that is too old, 3 years age difference should be your max, Don't allow old bastards to take advantage of you.
I date younger men, so the 3-7 age gap was there for me in my 20es.
younger men have more energy but they can be stubborn and annoying for stupid reasons
I'm 30 and previously was with a 5 year age gap since I was 17. My ex was evil and had serious issues but I don't think our age gap had much to do with it so much as we were introduced by my former best friend and he was what I needed at the time. I still prefer them older. I can't even see men a little younger than me as men but boys. Men are so hopeless lately that they're pretty much the same from 21-41 they just get more bad habits as they get older.